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Old 07-13-2013, 08:28 AM
 
13 posts, read 18,683 times
Reputation: 10

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I have been talking to this girl for 7 months now. When we first started talking things moved really fast and we were talking about a relationship after a couple weeks. I fell for this girl hard, and fast. The only problem is that she just got out of a previous relationship of 3 years about 2 months before that in which she was hurt very badly.

So we talked about things and she explained how she wasn't quite ready to be in a relationship and wasn't over her past relationship so I told her I would be patient and not push anything. She told me she wanted to share a relationship with me and to trust her.

So we have grown a lot closer these past few months, we went on a trip for a week together, and have done a lot of fun things together. However, I feel like I'm in the friend zone. About 2 months ago I talked to her about a relationship and she said she didn't want a relationship with anyone and that she just needed to be happy with herself before she could be happy with someone else. But she also hasn't let me to believe that when she will be in a relationship that it will be me. So I'm worried that I'm just a guy she really cares for but doesn't want anything with.

I brought it up again last week and said "I want you to be my girlfriend". She replied and said "we've talked about this before". So I can't get anything out of her! We used to kiss and touch the first couple months, now we don't. She used to be really sweet to me and flirt about how we will date, now she doesn't. We hang out about every other day, she always wants to hang out with me and be around me but for some reason she has lost the attraction for me.

My question is how can I get that attraction back? How can I escape the friend zone? I'm the one guy that is the closest to her in her life right now, we share everything together, we are comfortable being around each other, we go out and have a great time together and with friends, but she just won't make a commitment with me. I don't want to bring anything up again or be too pushy with things, I just want her to fall for me and she be the one who is attracted! I believe I have an opportunity to make something happen since I see her all the time and we talk and text every day, I just need to spark that attraction again! She jokes around with me and talks about our house we will have one day together and stuff like that, but I know she's just playing around. I am absolutely crazy about this girl and she makes me really happy.

She is still young and figuring things out and I believe she is still hurt by her ex and scared to fall in love again, but I want to be the one to make her fall again and get out of the friend zone. A lot of my friends tell me I need to not be so available, to hang out with friends more and have a good time, and make her be the one chasing me.

If I don't text her back for an hour she calls me worrying what I'm doing, and also if I tell her I'm drinking or out having a good time she won't go to sleep until i'm home safe. She sometimes acts like she's my girlfriend, but yet she's not!

She also puts pics of us on Facebook together and has nothing to hide, but won't commit to me or touch or kiss me at all anymore! Please help me with this! I need some advice and a plan to make her my girl! And don't tell me to move on because I don't want to right now, I've been patient this far and I want to make my move and be her guy! Thanks!
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Old 07-13-2013, 08:31 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
86,328 posts, read 79,482,785 times
Reputation: 88820
Please rewrite your post and organize it into paragraphs. Few, if any, people will want to read that wall of verbiage.
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Old 07-13-2013, 08:35 AM
 
13 posts, read 18,683 times
Reputation: 10
Got it, thanks!
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Old 07-13-2013, 08:36 AM
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
11,047 posts, read 11,943,704 times
Reputation: 14646
Sorry, OP, the friend zone is like Hotel California. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave!
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Old 07-13-2013, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Gotham
1,515 posts, read 1,873,493 times
Reputation: 1892
Make a tunnel. In all seriousness, You might just be a shoulder to cry on at the moment.
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Old 07-13-2013, 08:48 AM
 
Location: Midwest
706 posts, read 1,066,155 times
Reputation: 876
Quote:
Originally Posted by logjam25 View Post
I have been talking to this girl for 7 months now. When we first started talking things moved really fast and we were talking about a relationship after a couple weeks. I fell for this girl hard, and fast. The only problem is that she just got out of a previous relationship of 3 years about 2 months before that in which she was hurt very badly.

So we talked about things and she explained how she wasn't quite ready to be in a relationship and wasn't over her past relationship so I told her I would be patient and not push anything. She told me she wanted to share a relationship with me and to trust her.

So we have grown a lot closer these past few months, we went on a trip for a week together, and have done a lot of fun things together. However, I feel like I'm in the friend zone. About 2 months ago I talked to her about a relationship and she said she didn't want a relationship with anyone and that she just needed to be happy with herself before she could be happy with someone else. But she also hasn't let me to believe that when she will be in a relationship that it will be me. So I'm worried that I'm just a guy she really cares for but doesn't want anything with.

I brought it up again last week and said "I want you to be my girlfriend". She replied and said "we've talked about this before". So I can't get anything out of her! We used to kiss and touch the first couple months, now we don't. She used to be really sweet to me and flirt about how we will date, now she doesn't. We hang out about every other day, she always wants to hang out with me and be around me but for some reason she has lost the attraction for me.

My question is how can I get that attraction back? How can I escape the friend zone? I'm the one guy that is the closest to her in her life right now, we share everything together, we are comfortable being around each other, we go out and have a great time together and with friends, but she just won't make a commitment with me. I don't want to bring anything up again or be too pushy with things, I just want her to fall for me and she be the one who is attracted! I believe I have an opportunity to make something happen since I see her all the time and we talk and text every day, I just need to spark that attraction again! She jokes around with me and talks about our house we will have one day together and stuff like that, but I know she's just playing around. I am absolutely crazy about this girl and she makes me really happy.

She is still young and figuring things out and I believe she is still hurt by her ex and scared to fall in love again, but I want to be the one to make her fall again and get out of the friend zone. A lot of my friends tell me I need to not be so available, to hang out with friends more and have a good time, and make her be the one chasing me.

If I don't text her back for an hour she calls me worrying what I'm doing, and also if I tell her I'm drinking or out having a good time she won't go to sleep until i'm home safe. She sometimes acts like she's my girlfriend, but yet she's not!

She also puts pics of us on Facebook together and has nothing to hide, but won't commit to me or touch or kiss me at all anymore! Please help me with this! I need some advice and a plan to make her my girl! And don't tell me to move on because I don't want to right now, I've been patient this far and I want to make my move and be her guy! Thanks!
You have to continue to be patient. I agree bringing up the issue will irritate her. I suggest reminding her that you are interested in her and will wait until she's in a better place mentally. IF it's meant to be, then it will happen. You don't want to be a rebound, that doesn't last. That's probably what you where experiencing a couple months ago.

It's bad timing but if you really do care about her and want a meaningful relationship you should respect her wishes and give her time.

I don't see anything wrong with asking her if she would be interested in a LTR with you in the future or at least consider it. Maybe go from there. good luck
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Old 07-13-2013, 08:48 AM
 
1,037 posts, read 968,299 times
Reputation: 616
In any couple one loves more than second. The only way is make her love you more than you love her. Make her miss you and jealous you.
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Old 07-13-2013, 09:04 AM
 
218 posts, read 264,198 times
Reputation: 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by logjam25 View Post
About 2 months ago I talked to her about a relationship and she said she didn't want a relationship with anyone and that she just needed to be happy with herself before she could be happy with someone else.
If George Clooney was asking her out, would she give the "I'm not looking for a relationship" speech? There's your answer.
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Old 07-13-2013, 09:40 AM
 
17,864 posts, read 18,738,669 times
Reputation: 13837
I'd drop her if all you're looking for is a relationship with her because she either isn't ready to date you, or she led you on to believe that she wants to date you when she really doesn't and just wants to keep you around.

I'd start dating others, that will either send her the signal to make up her mind fast, or she won't care.
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Old 07-13-2013, 09:45 AM
 
13 posts, read 18,683 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atai J. View Post
In any couple one loves more than second. The only way is make her love you more than you love her. Make her miss you and jealous you.
That's where I'm struggling!
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