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I think it can help to re-evaluate your standards, not necessarily lower them. Are all of them really as significant as you think? Are they really what you personally need in a partner to have a healthy, happy relationship?
Sometimes, instead of lowering standards, you can just broaden them. A good way to do this is to consider the core value behind a standard - what basic need is it based on? Are you stuck on a very specific way of meeting that & closing off options because of it? What are some alternate ways to meet the same needs?
This refining of standards can actually raise them AND make them more realistic, because you see what is really important to you & that which is really not that necessary. This also helps us as individuals to weed out cultural influences which push standards on us which don't actually suit our individual needs or lead to happy relationships.
This flexibility may be very useful when actually in a relationship also. You get better at determining where you can compromise without violating your basic needs or finding ways to meet yours & your partners without either over-compromising, because you have a broader view of how to fill them.
It is true that people can "grow together", becoming MORE compatible, but this is often a conscious choice reflected in the effort made. This is why I don't think people settle & then upgrade so much as fall out of infatuation & find themselves with the reality of someone not only ill-suited to them, but more significantly, someone they find it hard to grow with, because one or both will not compromise as needed. Or people get comfortable & do indeed "grow apart", but mistakenly chalk it up to basic incompatibility or permanent change of heart instead of seeing themselves as able to "grow back together". It seems "easier" to chuck the old partner & find a new one with the idea they'll be more compatible, but that relationship is likely to go down the same path if you keep the same attitude.
I think it's better to not have a static idea of qualities a partner should have rather than an idea of how they will need to be to work with you to grow together. It becomes more about dynamic then, rather than their individual traits. This is evident in reality when people are drawn to those not as "good on paper" as others & people scratch their heads over it. Yet, such a person will rarely feel they "settled". The dynamic is a key, for short-term attraction & long-term relationships, but this can get passed over if stuck on specific traits.
I definitely fear that "if a woman does not need me, she will leave". As I've been mentioning frequently on this forum, I'm a child-free man, looking for a child-free woman. That rules out family cohesion as impetus for staying together. If I aim for an independent and established woman - which is in fact my hope - that very much raises the question of what I offer for her, what she offers for me, and what justifies the continuation of the relationship, assuming that it does in fact form.
I agree that a relationship isn't about material exchange, for instance food and shelter (from the man) for sex (from the woman). But consider the implications of the emotional exchange. The woman meets a "unique and wonderful" man. They click together. They form a relationship. But what happens if the "wonder" dissipates? What if the guy becomes boring? Maybe the mystery wanes with time, maybe the habits become dull. Why, other than sloth and inertia, keep the relationship going? I worry about this because I've seen it happen. I worry about the negative consequences of freeing ourselves of obsolete and degenerate limitations that stymied prior generations. Now we are enlightened, we are egalitarian, emancipated, free. But we've also lost some things. And I struggle to find them.
You don't have to NEED me in reality, but don't make me feel like you don't.
True, I am talking purely of looks. All of those things matter, but let's assume we're talking going about meeting people for the first time. All you have to go off of is looks, as those other variables are unknown going in.
Iam not expecting a super model i find a decent amount of women physically attractive enough but if i have no physical attraction to a women whatsoever i dont care how great she is i just cant do it..a connection with no physical attraction to me= a friendship
Id rather be alone the rets of my life then lower my standards to women im not physically attrated to even a little bit just because its all i can get..
I also dont get why men are pegged with having unrealistic expectations when imo espceially with online dating women might have surpassed men in the shallow department..
Looks are just as important to women as men lets stop this women arent that visual or dont care much about looks nonsense..its bs
No, it usually means they have a bigger impression of themselves than is warranted.
Cant it just mean they are attracted to attractive women? Beign an average or unattractive guy doesnt stop you from being attracted to attractive women because theyre "above your league" nor does it automatically make you attracted to all average women because there in your "league"
Attraction for the most part is not a choice..You are essentially asking all men who arent attractive to force attraction to women who you dem as average or unaatractive as them..
Id rather be alone the rest of my life then be with someone i have no attraction to but be with because its my league or all i can get..
I also dont get why men are pegged with having unrealistic expectations when imo espceially with online dating women might have surpassed men in the shallow department..
Looks are just as important to women as men lets stop this women arent that visual or dont care much about looks nonsense..its bs
Nobody here has tried to imply some women don't have unrealistic standards. This is a thread about men and unrealistic standards. Discussion of one topic is not a denial of another. If you would like to discuss woman's unrealistic standards start a thread on it or find one of the MANY threads on that subject already in existence.
Nobody here has tried to imply some women don't have unrealistic standards. This is a thread about men and unrealistic standards. Discussion of one topic is not a denial of another. If you would like to discuss woman's unrealistic standards start a thread on it or find one of the MANY threads on that subject already in existence.
My point still stands you cant force attraction..Im attracted to whom im attracted to it has nothing to do with unrelalistic standards the media or whatever i simply cant control what im attracted to..
Doesnt mean im only into sueprmodels far from it but it doesnt mean i can force attraction with somebody because you or anyone else think its a more realistic standard becasue of both our levels of attraction are close or where in the same league..
AS i said id rather be alone if adjusting my stadnards more realistically means being with women im not attracted to at all but its the only ones who will say yes to me..
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