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1. I know you tend to pursue much younger women. If she's in that younger age range, spur-of-the-moment plans are more typical, so she may not have realized someone older might see that as rude.
2. She was performing a set in a bar, and wanted you to come see her sing or whatever she does. She was probably kind of excited and giddy to show off for you a bit, let you see her talent. She may have even had something special in mind, which might explain why the invitation was last minute. For example, if you had ever mentioned a favorite jazz song, she might have been able to convince the band to learn and perform it, for you.
3. When you told her you were going to stay in, how did you do it? Did you tell her you had plans already, or did you tell her "It's a yucky rainy night and I don't want to go out into this weather and go to a bar because I don't like bars." ? Most women would probably be okay with "I wish I could, I've love to hear you, but I've got plans already. Please let me know about your next gig!" but would be offended by "It's raining. I'm staying home." A lot of women would probably see that as a version of I'm washing my hair" and would assume you're just not that into her.
That is inconsiderate of her to expect you to meet her Friday evening when you were scheduled to meet on Saturday evening and at a cafe not a bar. Like the first poster said- probably best that you find out now.
There is still someone out there for you
Of course there is someone out there for him...somone who will admire his lack of spontaneity, and is willing to abide by his endless list of rules. What a great catch, it's hard to believe he's still on the market.
Of course there is someone out there for him...somone who will admire his lack of spontaneity, and is willing to abide by his endless list of rules. What a great catch, it's hard to believe he's still on the market.
1. I know you tend to pursue much younger women. If she's in that younger age range, spur-of-the-moment plans are more typical, so she may not have realized someone older might see that as rude.
2. She was performing a set in a bar, and wanted you to come see her sing or whatever she does. She was probably kind of excited and giddy to show off for you a bit, let you see her talent. She may have even had something special in mind, which might explain why the invitation was last minute. For example, if you had ever mentioned a favorite jazz song, she might have been able to convince the band to learn and perform it, for you.
3. When you told her you were going to stay in, how did you do it? Did you tell her you had plans already, or did you tell her "It's a yucky rainy night and I don't want to go out into this weather and go to a bar because I don't like bars." ? Most women would probably be okay with "I wish I could, I've love to hear you, but I've got plans already. Please let me know about your next gig!" but would be offended by "It's raining. I'm staying home." A lot of women would probably see that as a version of I'm washing my hair" and would assume you're just not that into her.
She asked what was my plans and I told her that I was still at work waiting for the rain to stop and then headed to the market
So i knew I was not going back out in the rain but didn't tell her that
Raena it was such a beautiful night last night to go on a date and i was so sick coming back home from having dinner with family knowing i was supposed to be on a date
It wasn't muggy it was a nice night. I don't know who wants to go on a date in the rain
Let me just say that this was a first for me and no one woman had ever broke off a date with me on the same day
I think I handled it pretty calmly actually because in 99 I would have been really wild
So if i just hung up the phone would that have been a lot better??
From your own words considering how you used to be, that actually is progress. People, none of us are perfect. The guy was really looking forward to this date and this girl did flake on him. Granite, it was her own assumptions, but which one of us don't assume once in a while? Having said that, I don't think calling anyone a "retard", in those circumstances is that big of a deal. I personally don't try to get insulting/ name calling with my gf, but honestly most "couples" do. The key word is "couples". Both men and women can get nasty on each other. But what difference is it really going to make at that point anyway? Yes, he could have been more mature about it; however, he said one thing and did refrain from going complete psycho like he would have in 98'. Op, give yourself a break. Don't worry about all the "self-righteous" perfect people. They have ALWAYS ended things cordial and you calling her one name when it was over was just--completely too much for them to hear, because after all, they would never do such a thing. Too mature.
Also, never mind the fact that you two just weren't right for each other. You probably regret saying what you said, but at the time it probably felt good. You were angry, confused and hurt. Calling any one person one little name under that kind of duress is not the end of the world. I'm sure you'll learn from it and move on. Try to handle yourself better next time a women dumps you. Yes, mature people do and can handle breaking up better. But you two never even got to a first date. So why is being so mature about it that important? Why should he be so kind for the sake of her? She doesn't want him. I'm not implying to go nuts on her, but to call someone a "flake" who is acting like it isn't that big of a deal. I know he called her a retard, but what difference does it really make? She's not going to want him and he isn't going to want her. So in essence3, who cares how it ends?
All these perfect advice givers, I would really love to see how they truly act when sh t hits the fans. That's all I'm saying.
It would have been better if you had just let it go. All you had to say was, "I'm sorry things didn't work out." You can think whatever you want to about her - but you don't know her at all. I can't understand how you don't see your behavior for what it is.
C'mon, have some CLASS, man. I'm 100% with Dewdrop on this. You should have just let it go.
And another thing...you do NOT call ANYONE a retard! That's just rude! Please...grow up.
From your own words considering how you used to be, that actually is progress. People, none of us are perfect. The guy was really looking forward to this date and this girl did flake on him. Granite, it was her own assumptions, but which one of us don't assume once in a while? Having said that, I don't think calling anyone a "retard", in those circumstances is that big of a deal. I personally don't try to get insulting/ name calling with my gf, but honestly most "couples" do. The key word is "couples". Both men and women can get nasty on each other. But what difference is it really going to make at that point anyway? Yes, he could have been more mature about it; however, he said one thing and did refrain from going complete psycho like he would have in 98'. Op, give yourself a break. Don't worry about all the "self-righteous" perfect people. They have ALWAYS ended things cordial and you calling her one name when it was over was just--completely too much for them to hear, because after all, they would never do such a thing. Too mature.
Also, never mind the fact that you two just weren't right for each other. You probably regret saying what you said, but at the time it probably felt right. You were angry, confused and hurt. Calling any one person one little name under that kind of duress is not the end of the world. I'm sure you'll learn from it and move on. Try to handle yourself better next time a women dumps you. Yes, mature people do and can handle breaking up better. But you two never even got to a first date. So why is being so mature about it that important? Why should he be so kind for the sake of her? She doesn't want him. I'm not implying to go nuts on her, but to call someone a "flake" who is acting like it isn't that big of a deal.
All these perfect advice givers, I would really love to see how they truly act when sh t hits the fans. That's all I'm saying.
I'm not perfect - I just don't call people names. And he has shown absolutely no remorse nor has he admitted that there was anything wrong with calling her a "retard."
And someone canceling a date is not the sh t hitting the fan. That's my point. If he loses he cool over something small like this - how would he handle something bigger.
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