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Four hours in mediation and he wouldn't agree to anything? He really has some major issues with authority. Might experience a bit of shrinkage when he goes before the judge.... OMG, and if the judge is a woman....ROFLMAO!
He is up the creek without a paddle when it comes to the judge! Robyn, we love you!
OK I am home with one kid in the showerr, I have talked to my sister who left me a message, and A is watching tv, waiting on the shower. Had a mozzarella stick.
Ok. The mediation started at 230. We were there nearly 4 1/2 hours I guess. We each had to speak with them personally, alone. Some of the questions were like, are you afraid of him, has he ever physically abused you, mentally or verbally abused you? Are you ok to do this with him in the room? Etc.
I paused at the physical abuse ??, I answered no, but I hesitated. He has almost hit me in the past, so I had to tell her that. I told her of the emotional abuse.
She asked if there was anything else I wanted to tell her, and I told her what he and his mom did to me. I was upset. I took a minute. It was only her and a student mediator in the room with me, and I said out loud... I have to be stronger than this.
A few minutes later he came into the room. He had his crap, and I had mine. I gave the lady all the subpeonas,
Oh I just got a huge letter from his lawyer TELLING me to submit all of my personal business to her, she can kiss it where it doesn't shine. Sorry, had to be said.
Ok, so I gave the subpeonas and she held on to them, and then we had to sign agreements to mediate, she went through the process, etc.
Custody. He was in agreement that we have shared legal custody and that I have Primary physical custody. Some of the mess in the letter from his lawyer asks what I think are my weaknesses as a parent and his strengths, vice verca...
So comes the part of visitation. He says he wants them every weekend and he wants to pick them up at my house. No. Every other weekend I say. Absolutely not. And you cannot pick them up at my house when I am not there.
He starts making his faces and talking down to me. Talking to me like I am stupid and he just knows it all, just making those faces that I have seen for so many many years, and they saw them today too.
I had the amount of time figured that I see the kids, 18.34 hours a week, give or take, and this is getting ready for school, dinner and bed. Not real quality time. He sees them for about 26 waking hours per weekend. Quality time.
I let her know the kids are not allowed to do home work there. He looks at me like I have absolutely lost my mind and says that is not true!
OK, I pull out the sheet of paper that he wrote up for me, says the weekends are his special time with the kids and all school work must be done during the week.
I tell them of how hard it is for the kids to adjust, and trying to do their homework, they have got to do their homework while there.
Is there some reason why they cannot, Mr O? I changed my mind about that a long time ago. Hmm, I don't think so buddy.
He also pulled the I am their mother and their father and she had all these migraines. I knew he would. I told them I had not had them in several months, and that I worked through my migraines, and that I had drs statements to the fact that my migraines are gone.
He then complains he doesn't have any money because he has to pay me child support. She stopped him in his tracks. You don't pay HER anything, you are supporting your children.
Oh, he said he can't do homework with the kids because he lives at his sisters house. because our landlord kicked him out. Whatever. Back to the everyweek end. no. I have to see the kids more than that. No.
Also. I have a right to take my kids out of state to see my family when and if i want to. Of course you do, he says.
I mentioned to them how he allowed me to have the kids on my birthday, and they said there should be no allowance of things, no one should have to ask or beg to see their children. Him making his faces.
They said the kids see your family all the time, is there some reason why they shouldn't see her family? No he says.
On and on and on, it was like forever. Back to him getting the kids at my house when I am not home. She says well can he just wait there until you get home? No. She was asking if he could come in the house and spend a couple of hours with them. I said no, I don't want him in my house. more of his faces.
He had this paper typed up talking about how i deserted our marriage and that i would not ever get spousal support from him, and if I tried that he would contest divorce. they told him he could not decide about spousal, but the courts could.
The paper also said i would not be able to have any of his 401k, all kinds of mess was on there.
Then he was saying L needed childcare so A could do after school stuff. I have asked him so many times if there is anything he wants to do, always no. He had on that piece of paper that if I tried to get money for child care he would get custody of the kids, there were three things on there that were like that... dated 083107.
he wanted to see the paper. She gave it to him. He said this paper doesn't mean anything. I said oh yes it does, you wrote all of those things. well I didn't mean them, I was mad. Don't care, you still wrote them. DA.
He wrote on the paper that it was no longer valid, and signed and dated it.......haha very funny. I think he thinks I lose things like that.
The final decision was based on an every 2 month time period. It was not what I wanted, it was not what he wanted, but a compromise. First month we get the kids every other weekend, second month I get them one weekend a month, with flexability of option to get them on special occasions, etc. He will pick the kids up on Fri evenings once I get home from work.
He would not sign the papers, we were there all that time, said he had to take him to his lawyer, told the lady he would have to take it to his team...lmao. I went ahead and signed it. Oh, he will get the kids for one week during August. Other than that, regular weekend schedule.
Nothing is set in stone as it stands, because he has not signed anything. Our support hearing is on the 19th, and he may just have to pay more, based on the amount of days they are with him a year, calculated by her. 72. He thinks he is paying so much and that I am living some life of luxury over here. He wants to claim the kids, both of them, every year. I said no.
I don't know what to do with this crap his lawyer sent me. It says that he told her I never received it the first time, well duh, I sent the letter back to you saying it! Tells me my time has lapsed and I need to get it turned in,. wants my bank statements, pay stubs, asks all these questions. Forget it! It is not a subpeona or a summons.
And that is it for me tonight. I am dog tired. I got a little upset one time, and he was just being and they saw it, he was talking to me the way he used to, and looking at me the way he used to, and it was too much. Too much.
Robyn must be so emotionally drained after this afternoon ~ Thanks Kalo for keeping us up-to-date with what was happening.
I'm thinking just like DareToDream: by his refusing to sign, I wonder what would happen if Robyn now requested that idiotboy not only pay for HIS attorney, but also HER'S, since it sounds like HE is basically forcing them to go to court......
Well, like Karla said, at least he showed ~ this will only make Robyn stronger in dealing with ib, bec now his behavior, attitudes and bulling resistance are being witnessed by objective observers. She would be smart to take care of the kids and just go to bed early. (I'd love to be a fly on the wall in ib's brain ~ sorry, I forgot we were talking about ib!)...
ROBYN, WE OVER-POSTED~ Sounds like a productive mediation to me. You may not have gotten exactly what you wanted, but he was appropriately put in his place several times. I continue to feel that his emotional and physical abuse of the children, and his emotional neglect of Lindsey in particular, are reasons why he not only needs parenting classes, but should not be allowed ANY visitation without monitoring...he is a cruel role model of a father for them to endure.
Sleep easy, you have done as well as possible, you are one strong, centered woman. Congratulations and Hugs, MsV
Oh, I also mentioned the fact that it hurts L when he calls and talks to her for three minutes and A for 15. he said i don't do that, I said you do, and I know of each time, he says, i guess you show her the numbers? I say no, while you are on the phone w A, she lays on the couch and i console her.
Thanks for updating us. I know you must be all wrung out. It sounds as if you did everything right. And he did the best that he could, poor clueless soul.
I agree with previous posts- his refusal to sign the agreement might have just tipped the scales in your favor regarding your attorney fees.
Oh to have heard what the mediators said to each other after you both left!
Robyn, my great, great friend - you did so very well. Things are panning out. I am tired as well and must be getting to bed but you my friend are such a strong, strong young lady. Rest, and rest well. Things are working out for you Dear Robyn.
I just got home myself after a long day, and what a bunch of catching up I had to do! All I can say is, Robyn, YOU ROCK lady. Let me just say it like I see it.
Robyn = Class as in a very classy lady
Idiotboyjackasseerhehe = a very dumb someone posted a picture of what I wanna say.
He showed his true colors today in front of two very important witnesses who had seen and heard the emotions and fear you went thru while married to him, and then got a first hand session of how he treats you. They were thinking, if he can treat her like this in front of us, how must he treat her when no one is around???Hmm, score one to Robyn for being her true, Christian and morale self.
Remember, if He is for you, who can be against you? certainly not idiotboy who even tried using church as a weapon against you. God does not take kindly to people who do that.
I know you must be so drained, tired and emotionally wrung out. You will need to watch it the next couple of days in that your health does not bother you from the stress of today. Also, you can be guaranteed that this next weekend he gets the children, he will be out and loaded for bear, I would think about asking kalo if she would be with you to cut him off at the pass or at the least to be a witness to his uglyness which is sure to come about.
take care gentle robyn, sleep well knowing you did things your way, the polite way, the right way, and have a clear conscience to sleep like a baby.
huggs to you..
blessings to top the blessings God is heaping on you.......aiangel
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Agreeing with everybody here...
