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Ok so during a boring summer this has been bothering me. I know deep down it shouldn't, but how the mind can wander. I'm a soon to be 22 year old virgin (also never had a gf, only a few dates) and this is what's about to happen to me. I have one extra semester left at college, I graduate in December. I actually got a sublease with 3 other girls from about mid August to mid December. Now that moving in with them is officially in countdown mode, I'm starting to get really, REALLY nervous about the situation.
First off let's clear the air. I am NOT trying to "get" with them. That is a terrible idea (trust me, once upon a time I had a girl at work sour on me, its bad). I also did NOT think to myself back in the winter when I was looking "Hmm I'm terrible with meeting and escalating with girls, living with them will solve that!" It just kinda happened good location/price.
So with what is bothering me. I've never had a big group of friends, and most of them graduated in May. I'm not going to know a whole lot of people my last few months there. So that is making me nervous about this in and of itself. I really don't know how to 'break the ice' in a good way so that they will want to be my friend, and be able to meet their friends. If buying some alcohol and asking to sit around and get get to know each other a bit doesn't work for, then well, out of ideas. That is main problem #1. Of course they might not care that I live there anyways, so moot point.
The fact that I've never had a gf, had sex, never even kissed the same girl twice, is also eating at me. (As it sometimes does). I can't tell if this is a good opportunity, or if life is just kinda trolling me right now. Two of them (havent met #3) are legit cute, and will most likely have cute friends. I'm doing pretty well for myself, 3.0+ gpa for a math degree, 5'9'' 160, workout incessantly, so I feel like if at any point in my life I could get a girl to be attracted to me it'd be now. I'm not whining about 'how girls don't like me', far from it, I'd be the first one to tell anyone I'm not perfect. Problems #1 and #2 have little to do with each other, but kinda linked in a way here.
But then again, nothing at all may happen (I'm not hounding to get laid just to say I did at all), and I'd leave this place disappointed to the extreme after four lonely months.
Can you guys give me some help, advice, pointers? Hopefully this doesn't sound pathetic, I really am getting nervous about this and want it to go well.
I'd say the most important thing is to be chill, be available, and not try too hard to get to know them, they may think you're creeping if you do. Just spend a lot of time in common area's of the place and maybe get a "house warming" gift of some sort you can all share and talk about. Beer usually has worked well for me but I'm not sure what you're knowledgeable in, it certainly doesn't have to be anything special. Make sure that you don't just hide in your room for homework/tv/video games/reading, do as much of that as you can in the main room so they "have to" socialize with you.
Just by being around the same people and being accessible will lead to you guys getting along as acquaintances.
Now for hooking up with them or their friends:
I wouldn't think hooking up with the people you live with is too likely. Living with them will probably be an instant friend zone move of sorts and I can't see either side risking the mutual friendship in the house by doing that. Also if you do manage to hook up with one of their friends do it at the friend's place. Though I don't know how much more likely you are too make inroads with them just because they are friends with your roommates, but I dunno for sure.
Also keep in mind I'm not claiming to be a pro at this, this is just how I feel as a collage student myself.
try not to walk around naked,,,some woman get offended...
you are thinking too much...its not your role to be mr congeniality- girls are like cats, they will approach on there own terms,,,when they are comfortable,,, from the start,,,dont be focused on THEM, do your own thing, and they will come around to warming up to you
just be respectful, courteous and trustworthy,,
more than likely,,they will friend zone you,,ask you to be designated driver, and such..
and dont get caught staring -..dont be obvious..
i think you will have the time of your life-just have the right perspective ..
Hey thanks for the ideas. Like I said, it shouldn't be bothering me, but I can't help but think about it more as the move-in date creeps closer. Its mostly anxiety about a new situation I'm totally not accustomed to, with my friends not there to hang with if it ends up being not very cool. The fact that I'm really inexperienced with women (living with women) just adds to the nervousness, I am 100% not going to come on to them (like I said bad idea). But I can't help but think this is a good chance to meet more girls, which I'm not very good at, and tend to come off as quiet or shy.
Any more thoughts, ideas, 2 cents is greatly appreciated.
You're overthinking it. They'll get to know you naturally, just being around you every day. You don't have to do anything special to break the ice. Quiet and shy is good. It's better than pushy or cocky. Just let things evolve naturally.
How many bathrooms does this place have? If it only has one, and everyone goes to school at the same time, you may end up having to set some groundrules about bathroom time. That's all you need to know about living with women. Also: if they have a party involving alcohol, watch your intake. If you end up in bed with one of them due to alcohol, it could end badly for you. She could claim you coerced her.
Ok so during a boring summer this has been bothering me. I know deep down it shouldn't, but how the mind can wander. I'm a soon to be 22 year old virgin (also never had a gf, only a few dates) and this is what's about to happen to me. I have one extra semester left at college, I graduate in December. I actually got a sublease with 3 other girls from about mid August to mid December. Now that moving in with them is officially in countdown mode, I'm starting to get really, REALLY nervous about the situation.
First off let's clear the air. I am NOT trying to "get" with them. That is a terrible idea (trust me, once upon a time I had a girl at work sour on me, its bad). I also did NOT think to myself back in the winter when I was looking "Hmm I'm terrible with meeting and escalating with girls, living with them will solve that!" It just kinda happened good location/price.
So with what is bothering me. I've never had a big group of friends, and most of them graduated in May. I'm not going to know a whole lot of people my last few months there. So that is making me nervous about this in and of itself. I really don't know how to 'break the ice' in a good way so that they will want to be my friend, and be able to meet their friends. If buying some alcohol and asking to sit around and get get to know each other a bit doesn't work for, then well, out of ideas. That is main problem #1. Of course they might not care that I live there anyways, so moot point.
The fact that I've never had a gf, had sex, never even kissed the same girl twice, is also eating at me. (As it sometimes does). I can't tell if this is a good opportunity, or if life is just kinda trolling me right now. Two of them (havent met #3) are legit cute, and will most likely have cute friends. I'm doing pretty well for myself, 3.0+ gpa for a math degree, 5'9'' 160, workout incessantly, so I feel like if at any point in my life I could get a girl to be attracted to me it'd be now. I'm not whining about 'how girls don't like me', far from it, I'd be the first one to tell anyone I'm not perfect. Problems #1 and #2 have little to do with each other, but kinda linked in a way here.
But then again, nothing at all may happen (I'm not hounding to get laid just to say I did at all), and I'd leave this place disappointed to the extreme after four lonely months.
Can you guys give me some help, advice, pointers? Hopefully this doesn't sound pathetic, I really am getting nervous about this and want it to go well.
You are okay. You are much better than I was at your age. As far as breaking the ice, the only thing I can say is just talk to them and talk straight. Keep it basic. Don't try to impress. Just be straight up and honest with them. Ask them about themselves. Don't worry about nervousness, it will always be there, but it will lessen with experience.
Also try to develop an intuition about people (I know it sounds crazy). Figure out the type of people you get along with and so on and so forth. Don't try to wait for people to initiate. That won't happen unless you happen to be the right person in the right place at the right time.
There is so much, but it would overload the site.
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