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That "female feeling" you're mocking derives itself from a place of fear and uncertainty, a vibe that a woman gets. And that vibe is created by the man acting a certain way, talking a certain way, not because the guy doesn't look like George Clooney.
Everything from lewd and inappropriate comments, to inappropriate touching, violating personal space, lurking, following, those sorts of things. You can't tell if someone is creepy or dangerous just by looking at them, and maybe they're not actually a creep at all, but something about their behaviour is setting alarm bells off in the woman's head, and self-preservation kicks in.
And most of the time, the guy won't even know she thinks he's a creep because most women don't go around pointing and announcing it for all to hear. They're simply trying to avoid him, based on a gut feeling, not draw attention to themselves.
I recognize there are times when women feel "uneasy" with certain men, I fully appreciate that safety concern. However, I've seen it used so often that sometimes it just looks like verbal mace solely for the purposes of essentially saying "please don't bother me, go away, I'm busy"
Yes, I totally recognize women's concern about men with bad motives, but not all men harbor bad motives or seek to harm women. Sorry, just like some men have bad character, some women dont always have the best of intentions.
Where exactly do you get this number? I agree with most rest of your post though.
And Once women come up with the definition of what "creepy" actualy means, this discussion would have merit. As it stands, its pretty much any action or words spoken by an approaching men, whos is undesireable. Same actions and words by a man approaching that the woman likes is called courtship.
I personally think the worst outcome (and my real fear when a man is acting creepy) is the possibility of rape. The U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics (1997) stated that 99% of the people convicted of and imprisoned in response to rape accusations were male, with only 1% of those convicted being female. http://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/SOO.PDF
Of course, due to shaming of males who are assaulted by females, I am willing to believe that number is off. But still, the vast majority of people who are found guilty of rape are men.
Asking for a definition of creepy is like asking for a definition of attractiveness (just the opposite). It's subjective. One woman's creepy might be another woman's desirable. I know it's frustrating to men. The best advice I can give is, if you don't already know, learn how to read a woman's body language. Then you will know if your actions are creepy towards a particular woman or not. And don't get too hung up on if she finds you creepy or not. If she does, then she's probably not a good match for you and the quicker you move on, the less time you waste (and the less "creeped out" she feels).
I recognize there are times when women feel "uneasy" with certain men, I fully appreciate that safety concern. However, I've seen it used so often that sometimes it just looks like verbal mace solely for the purposes of essentially saying "please don't bother me, go away, I'm busy"
Yes, I totally recognize women's concern about men with bad motives, but not all men harbor bad motives or seek to harm women. Sorry, just like some men have bad character, some women dont always have the best of intentions.
I think some women are cruel and use it as verbal mace (like you said). I see it mostly as a sign of immaturity in those girls (wouldn't even call them women). It's kind of the female equivalent of the man who gets angry and insults a woman who tells him she's not interested. Any real woman (re:mature) will just come out and say, "I am sorry, I am not interested" without name calling.
To me, "creepy" has always been synonymous with persistence and an inability to take no for an answer.
Those kind of dudes use to be called as*holes but I'm okay with that definition, but there isn't a commonly accepted definition of creepy. It's ultimately a "go away, stay away from me" (for whatever reason) type offensive remark.
I think some women are cruel and use it as verbal mace (like you said). I see it mostly as a sign of immaturity in those girls (wouldn't even call them women). It's kind of the female equivalent of the man who gets angry and insults a woman who tells him she's not interested. Any real woman (re:mature) will just come out and say, "I am sorry, I am not interested" without name calling.
wow, talk about a woman of wisdom. well said.
that's a rare approach here on CDR where the presumption is often the guy is doing something wrong, needs to change, could have done better, etc.
Where exactly do you get this number? I agree with most rest of your post though.
And Once women come up with the definition of what "creepy" actualy means, this discussion would have merit. As it stands, its pretty much any action or words spoken by an approaching men, whos is undesireable. Same actions and words by a man approaching that the woman likes is called courtship.
You know you could say the same for men. A crazy hot woman who stares, follows you, camps out in your drive way is, tells lies to keep other women away is acceptable, if it were a plain, fat girl its creepy.
I think there have been many examples of creepy given.
If I notice a guy watching me, or he approaches and shows interest in a civilized manner, it's not creepy no matter what he looks like or his age. If he continues to dog me, stare, follow me or makes inappropriate comments after I've shown I'm not interested no matter his looks or age, its creepy. Any guy who follows me home. Any guy who keeps hitting on me when he's well aware I'm spoken for. Any guy who touches me. Guys with a far away look in their eyes talking to themselves.
I know there are women like you described that think any man that gives them notice that they don't find attractive is a creep. I have unfortunately met a few like that but its not the norm.
And like Liberty stated, the guy won't even know his behavior is coming across as inappropriate or creepy because most women don't say anything, we just tend to avoid the guy altogether without stating the true reason why. From our standpoint, what good can come from a woman telling a man she finds his behavior inappropriate or creepy? It doesn't usually go over well.
The "good" is that the man will know where he stands.
The frustration for men is that when women feel disaffection or revulsion at male behavior, this is expressed in coy and surreptitious ways. When men feel such disaffection, they lash out, overtly and obviously conveying their view. Or phrased another way, men DO talk about their feelings, while women DO NOT. Women will instead withdraw, becoming taciturn and avoidant. Men would prefer to be literally punched in the face, as that’s an unambiguous message and direct establishment of terms.
A good analogy would be the creed of “professional behavior” in the modern office, where a manager will never tell an employee that the employee is a contemptible degenerate who deserves to be fired. Instead, the manager will use lukewarm praise and slippery phrasing ,such as “you ought to examine routes for self-improvement”. Employees are left wondering whether the manager is genuinely supportive or is only formulaically tolerating an employee whom he despises. It’s incredibly frustrating and leaves the employee second-guessing the cause, becoming stifled and unable to “self-improve”, because it’s unclear what is wrong, or that anything is wrong in the first place.
The term “creep” is exasperatingly frustrating, because it does not assign blame or state any specific offense. To be “creepy” could mean exuding some unpleasant signals, having nothing to do with crime, insult, or abuse. The “creepy” man could be insecure and lack self-awareness, his only offense being to pursue his suit without realizing that his lady has lost interest.
In fact I’d argue that it is in fact the female furtiveness and mixed-signals that are “creepy”; that it is the female tendency to suspect male turpitude and perfidy that is so “creepy”.
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