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I(56 M) have been dating this woman(53 F) for 3 years. We've been living together for a year and I couldn't ask for a better girlfriend. About a month ago, while we were both at home, she fell really ill(not specifying for confidential reasons) but I immediately called the ambulance and she was rushed to the hospital. Once she had been taken into the care of the doctors, I called her 23-year-old son to tell him what had happened. I told him exactly what the doctors had told me; that his mother may die that night. He said that he would come to the hospital immediately. He also requested that I text him to inform him of updates while on his way.
Eventually, one of the doctors informed me that she was still in a very critical condition, but that she wasn't in any immediate danger and that she had a chance of survival. I was extremely relieved by this information and I knew her son would be too, so I called him to tell him what I had just found out. However, he didn't call back. This really worried me. He didn't live very far away from the hospital, and should have arrived at this point. I called his home-phone and his 22-year-old girlfriend, whom he was sharing an apartment with, picked up to tell me that she had just been informed that he had just been killed in a crash while rushing to the hospital.
After I hung up, the doctors allowed me to go into my girlfriend's room to tell her what had happened. She didn't cry, but it was clear that she wanted to die right then and there. She told me to start planning her son's funeral, and that she wanted to be buried next to him. I told her to hang in there and to not give up hope.
Over the course of the next 2 weeks, I started arranging his funeral, and I visited my girlfriend on a daily basis. Luckily, her health was improving and at the end of the 2 weeks, she was in good health again and was able to come home from the hospital. We held his funeral 2 days later; his mother stood over his grave and said that she would never forget the fact that the last thing he had done was rush to her aid.
While I'm ever-so-grateful to have her home again and in good health, it just isn't the same. There's a hole in our relationship that will never heal. And it's undeniable that had I never called my girlfriend's son, he wouldn't have tried to rush over to the hospital and would still be alive. His girlfriend is now living with us since she can't afford the rent for her apartment all on own, and she's also really empty. And it's all because of the phone call I made. If I had just waited to see what the situation with my girlfriend really was before calling him, her son wouldn't have died.
Neither my girlfriend nor his girlfriend blame me, and my girlfriend isn't having suicidal thoughts anymore. In-fact, she said that was quite thankful that she survive her illness. Do I really deserve to be forgiven this easily and still be loved by my girlfriend?
You did the right thing by notifying him of his mother's life-threatening illness and trip to the hospital. That's what people do; it's a natural response to a family emergency. You can't blame yourself for that. It's not your fault that some fluke happened on his way to the hospital; maybe he was careless, or maybe another driver was at fault.
It's great of you to take in the son's gf. It sounds like both you and she might benefit from bereavement counseling. This could be covered by her health insurance, if she can't afford to pay on her own.
Best of luck to all of you; you have each other. Though it may not seem like it right now, that's a blessing, itself. Happy Thanksgiving!
OP, I can't tell you how sorry I am for your gf's son.
You did exactly the right thing by calling. Unfortunately, accidents happen and he was just trying to get there for his mom. You're a stand-up guy for making the arrangements, and taking in the son's gf. As they should undergo grief counseling, so you should also. Right now, they both need someone there to be their pillar of strength, and you are and continue to be.
I'm very sorry this happened to you, sounds completely awful.
But you did the right thing here, it's not your fault at all. Whatever happened on the way to the hospital for him, was completely out of your control.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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OP you did what any decent human being would do when you thought your gf would die. You had a doctor tell you death was a present possibility, no wait and see on that. The son's death was nothing you could have prevented. I'd drive like a bat out of hell to get to my mother's bedside if I thought she was going to leave this earth in the matter of hours, and I think any son who loved his mother would.
In my eyes, she has nothing to forgive you for, your actions were those of a loving boyfriend and a human being.
If you hadn't called, the guilt would be just as bad for his missing saying goodbye to his mother.
Please don't beret yourself. You did what any of us would have done.
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