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Old 08-08-2013, 05:38 PM
 
Location: socal baby
1,355 posts, read 2,541,527 times
Reputation: 928

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Quote:
Originally Posted by uberfrus View Post
THank you. Maybe I should wait til the divorce is final. But as far as I know, it's nowhere on the radar screen. They are not even legally separated yet. Ugghh.
he is a cake eater; wants the best of both worlds, but you are second choice since he is committed already. honestly, i doubt if your relationship can survive his divorce, if he ever chooses to do it. keep it distant and platonic, tell him you wouldn't mind see how things develop once he untangles himself, and move on.
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Old 08-08-2013, 05:39 PM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,976,371 times
Reputation: 6848
Do you have any reason to think that the wife knows you and he are back together?

What I see most often in this situation, whether the affair partner is male or female, is that the married guy tells his wife the affair is permanently ended (when he tells the affair partner it is just on hold), and then does not tell her when they get back together. He tells her that all his attention and focus is on working on himself, and on his relationship with her, with no other partners in the picture.

The lack of a divorce in process seems to make this explanation more likely.

I am sorry.
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Old 08-08-2013, 05:55 PM
 
9 posts, read 9,077 times
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Thanks all. Still confused. The wife definately knows about me. And he says they agree that they need to separate further. They just haven't been able to do it, from what I can see. I think divorce is just too painful at the moment. I can see this is hard for them both and I try my best to be supportive. But too easy to get sucked in and forget about me.
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Old 08-08-2013, 05:56 PM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,976,371 times
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In your shoes, I would ask him how he felt about me having lunch with his wife -- and without him.

If he was willing and she was willing, I would ask her what she knows about our relationship and tell her whatever she wants to know.

If he said no, or indicated disapproval, then I would know he was lying to her.
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Old 08-08-2013, 08:09 PM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,976,371 times
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I wrote my second post above before I saw your reply to the first, so I wasn't responding directly to what you wrote.

It's still what I would do. I think it works best to have all parties communicating directly. And I think the chances that he is telling both of you the same things might be slim.

She will always be part of the family, because they have children together. If you want to be part of the family too, you will need to connect with her.
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Old 08-08-2013, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,489,477 times
Reputation: 40198
Quote:
Originally Posted by uberfrus View Post
Thanks all. Still confused. The wife definately knows about me. And he says they agree that they need to separate further. They just haven't been able to do it, from what I can see. I think divorce is just too painful at the moment. I can see this is hard for them both and I try my best to be supportive. But too easy to get sucked in and forget about me.
Counseling.

LOTS OF COUNSELING.

Go tomorrow.
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Old 08-09-2013, 09:15 AM
 
Location: USA
30,740 posts, read 21,872,773 times
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Theres a couple women here that have had their husbands come out and leave them for men. I think one had a happy ending with the husband and his new partner. Maybe they can chime in if they find this thread.
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Old 08-10-2013, 07:50 AM
 
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I don't see a happy ending for me and his family. I get the impression his wife hates me, from stuff he tells me. And he won't even think about introducing me to his kids. Says they are not ready, even though we've been together over a year.
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Old 08-10-2013, 08:56 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,489,477 times
Reputation: 40198
Quote:
Originally Posted by uberfrus View Post
I don't see a happy ending for me and his family. I get the impression his wife hates me, from stuff he tells me. And he won't even think about introducing me to his kids. Says they are not ready, even though we've been together over a year.
Ya think??

OF COURSE she hates you - you are helping to break up her family.

Dude, get a clue - get some therapy and move on. This guy is not for you.
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Old 08-10-2013, 09:10 AM
 
Location: North Idaho
32,565 posts, read 47,729,085 times
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OP. you are 'the other woman" and the other woman never wins.

He won't leave his family unless his wife divorces him. If she kicks him out, he might move in with you and then you get to be the party who gets cheated on.

Or more likely, he will find someone else to marry. Cheaters absolutely must have some one to be cheating on. That's part of their game. You are a game piece and nothing more. Catch a clue.

Families with children don't break up easily.
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