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It is 2013. Embrace what 1000's of woman fought for over the past 50 years.
Engaging a guy or messaging him first is completely ok in this day and age. In fact, many women have been hitting on guys, chatting them up, and approaching them for decades.
I am beginning to think your concept of dating and men and you ideals are your problem with dating, as opposed to the age of the men approaching you. I understand you may look young, but seldom are guys completely clueless as to womens age. I have a really hard time believing no guys in their 30's hit on you at all.
And frankly, you sound more concerned with 'having a baby' then finding a life partner. You bio-clock is going crazy, and you need to dial it down. Men don't like desperation, no one does.
In this economy, and with current divorce rates, few men are in a hurry to start a family. 1950 was a long time ago.
Stop looking for a 'good match', and go make some friends and enjoy life. It isn't a mans role in life to have a child with you.
You are so right about by biological clock. I really want to have at least one child, after marriage. Honestly, I wish that I could go back in time and force myself to come out of my comfort zone. Unfortunately, I spent the best years of my youth, being an introvert. I rarely went out and as a result I didn't get to have the interactions that most normal women have with men.
Now at 35 I'm desperately trying to regroup and gain some confidence to ensure that I do not end up single and alone. I know it's wrong to lie about my age, but desperate times call for drastic measures.
I have never sent a guy any messages. Each morning and during the evening, I simply check my inbox and look at the profiles of the guys who left messages. So far, it hasn't been good. I am thinking that I should try a different paid site after my membership expires with the younger age, next time around. I feel a bit depressed when I see messages from the 40+ older looking guys.
Meet up groups do not really work for me because I am a classic introvert and socially awkward. My offline people skills are very bad. To be honest, I'm fortunate that my work is completely independent and doesn't require a lot of social interaction, otherwise I'd be in a lot of trouble.
So, you just created a profile, then sat back and are waiting? Do you not see the laziness in this?
I suppose this is what most women do anyway, including in real life, just waiting for someone they feel is hot and attractive to hit on them, but damn, that's lazy too.
and, ahem, "artificially deflating" your age is a traditional approach?
perhaps you should reconsider your viewpoint if it's leading you to eschew taking initiative in favor of scheming
That's what I was wondering, too.
Starting off a relationship with a lie is never a good thing - especially if you are "traditional" and are looking for a "traditional" man. Most "traditional" people frown upon lying, I would think.
i really do think you'll get farther trying to address this than tinkering with your profile to try to attract a different crowd though
besides, the moment a guy learns you lied about your age, it's probably going to bring you down a small notch in his estimation. it's too often associated with insecure women, women who are kind of desperate for marriage or kids, women who are just nuts, etc.
I can kinda understand where you come from. Typically when I message a man first he either doesn't respond back or doesn't seem nearly as interested as those who make the first move, so I prefer a man message me first.
But I don't think lying is the right way to go. We all get creeps who message us no matter what. Even I do sometimes and I'm in my 20s! Just ignore the creeps and wait around for a more age-appropriate man to message you. Wink them first to get their attention and see if they respond.
and, ahem, "artificially deflating" your age is a traditional approach?
perhaps you should reconsider your viewpoint if it's leading you to eschew taking initiative in favor of scheming
You are right. I know it's wrong, but what should I do given my situation? I don't have a lot of options since I'm not comfortable being social in a group like setting offline.
the guy is definitely going to think you're baby-crazy when he finds out
it's time to stiffen your resolve and be more proactive. the scheming bits are just going to get you the same results that have you in your current situation
You are right. I know it's wrong, but what should I do given my situation? I don't have a lot of options since I'm not comfortable being social in a group like setting offline.
the same advice a dozen men hear here on CDR every day, except now we get to give it to a woman
be more confident about it. just contact the men you are interested in. even if you're faking the confidence at first, it will get easier over time and you'll start to see success
I can kinda understand where you come from. Typically when I message a man first he either doesn't respond back or doesn't seem nearly as interested as those who make the first move, so I prefer a man message me first.
But I don't think lying is the right way to go. We all get creeps who message us no matter what. Even I do sometimes and I'm in my 20s! Just ignore the creeps and wait around for a more age-appropriate man to message you. Wink them first to get their attention and see if they respond.
I think some guys are more prone to think that if you wink at them or send them an email you are interested in sex, not a real relationship.
You are fortunate that you're actually in your 20s. I would give anything to go back in time and learn how to get over being an introvert.
Another problematic issue is, in my profile I explicitly state that I'm uninterested in having a relationship with a man who already has children. I set my filter to exclude any guys with children, but somehow the ones with children still manage to contact me. Usually, I have more mail in my filtered folder, than in my actual match folder.
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