I once cheated with my brother's past gf (dating, girls, single)
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Though this happened about 3 years ago, I was single and it's unlikely he'll find out I can't get rid of this guilt. I can't even tell this to my gf of 8 months nor even my best friend J since I feel that's practically one of the lowest thing one can do.
It was a party that it took place when my brother was gone for hours and there was alcohol involved. He's been living with this lie and I didn't want to lose him as my brother and best friend so I chose to never mention a word about it to anyone and still haven't. Just last year, his gf breaks up with him for other reasons and he is devastated. The worst part is the person he comes for help is me and while I'm comforting him, I'm guilty at the same time. I may have played a role in the break-up.
Though he is moving on is dating another girl by now, I can't stop thinking what I did to him and his relationship. If he ever finds out, I can assume he'll not only want to punch the hell out of me but he won't talk to me for a long while though I'll never do that again to him. Is there a way I can get rid of this without losing him? I'm also concern if he'll ever find out. What are the chances that he'll find out about what I did?
He's dated other girls in the past and I've never done anything like this before; just with Janeth (his then gf).
Though this happened about 3 years ago, I was single and it's unlikely he'll find out I can't get rid of this guilt. I can't even tell this to my gf of 8 months nor even my best friend J since I feel that's practically one of the lowest thing one can do.
It was a party that it took place when my brother was gone for hours and there was alcohol involved. He's been living with this lie and I didn't want to lose him as my brother and best friend so I chose to never mention a word about it to anyone and still haven't. Just last year, his gf breaks up with him for other reasons and he is devastated. The worst part is the person he comes for help is me and while I'm comforting him, I'm guilty at the same time. I may have played a role in the break-up.
Though he is moving on is dating another girl by now, I can't stop thinking what I did to him and his relationship. If he ever finds out, I can assume he'll not only want to punch the hell out of me but he won't talk to me for a long while though I'll never do that again to him. Is there a way I can get rid of this without losing him? I'm also concern if he'll ever find out. What are the chances that he'll find out about what I did?
He's dated other girls in the past and I've never done anything like this before; just with Janeth (his then gf).
Depends on how many people she told and how many of them know your brother.
Depends on how many people she told and how many of them know your brother.
Trust me both of us felt so awful the following day and agreed it was the booze and heat of the moment. We both promised not to tell on each other but I can tell she looked so guilty and so did I. If there has been no mention about this after all this time, I think no one besides us knows this but I don't. I'm worried that he'll find out one day. I don't mind him getting upset with him and wanting to fight me since I would deserve it but losing him and his trust is what I would never be able to forgive myself. He trusts me and it's going to be hard for him that the one person he counts on the most (aka me) is the one that betrayed him.
Trust me both of us felt so awful the following day and agreed it was the booze and heat of the moment. We both promised not to tell on each other but I can tell she looked so guilty and so did I. If there has been no mention about this after all this time, I think no one besides us knows this but I don't. I'm worried that he'll find out one day. I don't mind him getting upset with him and wanting to fight me since I would deserve it but losing him and his trust is what I would never be able to forgive myself. He trusts me and it's going to be hard for him that the one person he counts on the most (aka me) is the one that betrayed him.
Why do you think you played a role in the break-up? You said it was for "other reasons". So I don't think you need to worry about that, unless there's something you haven't told us.
I don't think you need to be beating yourself up about this. The relationship didn't work out anyway, it's over, way in the past. Just learn from it; watch the alcohol intake at parties. I don't think you need to worry it to death with what-ifs. If it ever comes out, which isn't likely, so much time will have passed that he won't care anymore. Hopefully, by then he'll be in a good marriage. Cut yourself some slack, OP. Your mind is really doing a number on you. Forgive yourself. You haven't done that yet. Stop raking yourself over the coals.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 08-13-2013 at 11:20 PM..
Why do you think you played a role in the break-up?
I just assume part of it is my fault. I know there were other reasons they broke it off but I might also be included there out of the many causes.
Maybe you're right and overly concentrating on this but hopefully if he ever finds out, it'll be by then several more years later. Right now, I think he would still be kind of shocked.
I just assume part of it is my fault. I know there were other reasons they broke it off but I might also be included there out of the many causes.
Maybe you're right and overly concentrating on this but hopefully if he ever finds out, it'll be by then several more years later. Right now, I think he would still be kind of shocked.
Key word: "might". You're projecting that. I doubt it's a factor. You could always ask his ex-gf if you want to make sure, but I seriously doubt it was. This is just another reason you've invented to beat yourself up, imo. Try to relax about it all. The good news is they broke up, so you won't have to pretend everything is normal at their wedding, because there won't be one. Know what I mean? It's over, a closed chapter. Do try to move on.
everyone has weak moments,, and have done stupid or regrettable stuff..
what is the upside of telling him?? will it absolve your guilt??
i doubt it-you cant unring that bell-
being your brother, there's always much more involved in the picture..
sounds like you punished yourself more than enough....look at it this way- if it wasnt you there and some other guy- it could have gone further.
ive seen my friends in similar situations,,,come clean, fess up,,,clear the guilt,,,only to be punished more...no one appreciates the honesty....they all want to throw mud at you,,,and in one case,,when the guy- came clean,,,the other person told the whole family,,,and he was severely punished for one stupid moment..
you need to dissolve your guilt...let it go..once and for all...you've created a monster in this guilt,,,time to kill it..
as a kid,,,i was in a store with some other kids,,,,the oldest said,,we will all steal something...i gave in to peer pressure and stole some silly putty- i felt so guilty because i knew it was wrong,,, i thought id be struck dead by god.....i wanted to bring the silly putty back,,,but thought theyd call my parents and id go to jail..
later in life i was telling a date...she was a therapist about this ,,and she said something,,,that made sense..
she said,,,the silly putty means nothing,,its your remorse and guilt that means more.... because you carried that around,,, you probly never stole again,, i said this is true.. she said if it didnt happen,,,you may have easily stole something much bigger and more serious---yes, that was true..
so...because you feel guilt over a kiss,,,chances are you will never do this again, you learned a valuable lesson , that has/will prevent you from doing anything much more serious.
In this case, I would not say anything. I gave the opposite advice to someone else in a "should I tell" situation a few weeks back, but here's why I think your situation is different... your brother and his GF are no longer together. There is no real threat of you seeing her again, and no aspect of you and her sharing a secret from him. There is no good that would come from this, except on the part of assuaging your guilt. It would devastate your brother to learn this, and it's not as if it would do anything to help make his relationship with the (ex)GF healthier. All it would do is cause HIM pain over something he has no idea about.
So now you get to make the hard choice, which you didn't do before. You get to eat this and not say anything. I don't think you should beat yourself up forever. I think maybe talking to a therapist could give you some relief. I think writing down how sorry you are and burning the sheet of paper could help. But I think telling your brother in this situation would ultimately be the most selfish thing you could do. And he doesn't deserve that on top of what you did.
This happened three years ago, your brother and this girl broke up last year and now (even though you say he's "devastated") he's in a new relationship. That one incident three years ago had nothing to with the break-up. Let it go.
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