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She could just take all the compliments and gifts and play with his head and ket him know that if he would have been that way when they were married then they would still be married. I do however find it kind of odd that a woman would consider a man creepy after she was already married to him for years and had children with him. I always thought creepy men were associated with strangers. But this would not be the case.
I do however find it kind of odd that a woman would consider a man creepy after she was already married to him for years and had children with him. I always thought creepy men were associated with strangers. But this would not be the case.
I think she just means that it makes her uncomfortable.
Well, there is a lot of back story that some poster know, and some may not. We were married for 12 years, together for 16. He treated me pretty badly and made me into a person with zero self-confidence. I became a shell of a person and always just wanted to know what I could do to have him love me more, what I was doing wrong.
I was never doing anything wrong. He was. He was an emotional abuser and was very controlling. He did not do nice things, he did not say nice things.
He was not a good person. My sister, family and friends know how he treated me and the things he did, so for him to try and behave nicely now, and to buy me flowers is just not him, and it actually is pretty creepy after the things that not only he, but he and his mother did to me.
It took me a while to get the strength to finally leave him and in my life, it was epic.
It has been six years now, and I have self confidence and self worth now. I love myself where I was unable to do that in the past.
I was pretty afraid of him, so even after I left him, he still was able to control me. I have changed quite a bit since then, and am a very happy and positive person these days.
I am very happy and in a wonderful relationship.
His gf is not new, she has been with him longer than I have been with my SO.
I have no idea what his deal is but he couldn't treat me with the love and respect I deserved when we were married, and he is not allowed to try and do it now.
I am as friendly as I need to be with him. We have a 19 and a 17 year old. It is not my job anymore to hold his hand and let him complain to me about his day. He has his gf for that.
What he is doing is indeed creepy. It feels creepy. It feels like a snake crawling all over me, and I do not like it. Creepy.
I understand where you are coming from. I think you need to step up on the reduced contact. Just because you have children does not mean you have to loosen the boundaries. Stop the chatty phone calls, draw back on how much contact you have with him. Your kids are old enough to understand that you are not their fathers friend, so you don't have to pretend and make nice. You are allowing him to influence your life and well being. Take your power back.
If I were in your position, I would assume the worst, which is that he doesn't actually want you but just wants to screw with your mind for kicks because he knows it will bother you. I would assume this just for my own sanity and peace of mind.
I think I did another thread similar to this one. The other day I met my ex husband and he was just raving over my toenail polish.
WHY?!? Why is he looking at my toenails and why does he even care. Furthermore, why is he complimenting them at all, much less with his gf standing right there?
He bought me flowers on mothers day and gave me a huge hug.
When we were married, we did not celebrate mothers day because I was not his mother. Now I get flowers. He certainly didn't compliment me on anything, and that is for sure.
I find it rather creepy.
When we talk on the phone, he wants to tell me about his day or his week. We are not besties. We are ex spouses!
I am always very civil to him. I do not hate him. I hate some of the things he has done to me, but I cannot hate a person, it is not within me to do that.
I just do not understand him. Does anyone else have this going on?
Some of my family and friends and I have come to the conclusion that he may feel like he still wants to be with me, or wishes we were not apart.
He was so mean to me when we separated and the police were at my door and I was in court so much that I thought for sure that as soon as that one year mark hit, I would have divorce papers on my door but I never did. Not ever.
After 5 years, I finally filed. I never had the money before that. I did it without a lawyer and took care of all the paper work on my own.
Now he just wants to be my best friend. We can be friends, that is fine. We have kids together. We should be civil. Just don't be creepy!
I do not consider ANY of this behavior "creepy". Maybe he isn't over you. Fact of the matter is, if he tries to get into a lengthy conversation with you on the phone, tell him you aren't comfortable with discussing it, tactfully if possible. You have a responsibility to raise children together, and I think you should consider yourself lucky he is not the complete opposite.
Creepy behavior would be stalking, harassing, physically/verbally propositioning you, etc. Come on now. Maybe you guys could go to counseling together to discuss your boundaries while co parenting?
Dont even go there with him Pikantari. Now that you are radiating with confidence in spite his effort to break you, mentally...he is acting like a pimply faced,hormone induced teenager. Do not even play into his compliments and please dont take gifts (flowers, cards or even compliments) from him. If he says something complimentary, dont react to it. Its all a test to see if he can somehow creep back into your heart and destroy whatever confidence and happiness, youve found in your current relationship.
Be very cautious... Please!
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
If I were in your position, I would assume the worst, which is that he doesn't actually want you but just wants to screw with your mind for kicks because he knows it will bother you. I would assume this just for my own sanity and peace of mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna
I understand where you are coming from. I think you need to step up on the reduced contact. Just because you have children does not mean you have to loosen the boundaries. Stop the chatty phone calls, draw back on how much contact you have with him. Your kids are old enough to understand that you are not their fathers friend, so you don't have to pretend and make nice. You are allowing him to influence your life and well being. Take your power back.
Pik, these three folks have given you great advice. Knowing the back story, I'd say your instincts are spot on. He's being creepy. Not only is he being creepy to you, look at how disrespectful he's being to his current girlfriend by slobbering over you while she's standing right there. He's using you to do to her what he did to you!
Nope. I'd cut him off at the knees. Minimal contact, and what contact I did have with him would be professional, as though he and I were coworkers from different departments who did not know each other very well and were both involved in different parts of the same project. He'd get logistical and other information about the kids on a need-to-know basis because he is their father, and that is all.
I think I did another thread similar to this one. The other day I met my ex husband and he was just raving over my toenail polish.
WHY?!? Why is he looking at my toenails and why does he even care. Furthermore, why is he complimenting them at all, much less with his gf standing right there?
He bought me flowers on mothers day and gave me a huge hug.
When we were married, we did not celebrate mothers day because I was not his mother. Now I get flowers. He certainly didn't compliment me on anything, and that is for sure.
I find it rather creepy.
When we talk on the phone, he wants to tell me about his day or his week. We are not besties. We are ex spouses!
I am always very civil to him. I do not hate him. I hate some of the things he has done to me, but I cannot hate a person, it is not within me to do that.
I just do not understand him. Does anyone else have this going on?
Some of my family and friends and I have come to the conclusion that he may feel like he still wants to be with me, or wishes we were not apart.
He was so mean to me when we separated and the police were at my door and I was in court so much that I thought for sure that as soon as that one year mark hit, I would have divorce papers on my door but I never did. Not ever.
After 5 years, I finally filed. I never had the money before that. I did it without a lawyer and took care of all the paper work on my own.
Now he just wants to be my best friend. We can be friends, that is fine. We have kids together. We should be civil. Just don't be creepy!
Bold part is the main and overwhelming reason. If you said that he had no girlfriend or that he does it when she's not with him, the story could have easily been much different, but this whole deal makes it clear.
You are probably one of a smaller number of spouses who decidedly doesn't block or limit visitations, do it in passive-aggressive way, or the one who doesn't passively ingrains certain "attitudes" towards the children, but lots of people do that, for various reasons.
By the way, there's one common saying that people can act different when you happen to "know them really well". That is, while he acts nice to you now, that doesn't mean that he wouldn't be the same type he was before if you ever moved in together and spent a year or more years together. It's much easier being "nice" and friendly to people that you're not THAT close. You happened to "meet" that side in the life you had together and it didn't work.
Last edited by nald; 08-11-2013 at 03:54 PM..
Reason: .edited
I think I did another thread similar to this one. The other day I met my ex husband and he was just raving over my toenail polish.
WHY?!? Why is he looking at my toenails and why does he even care. Furthermore, why is he complimenting them at all, much less with his gf standing right there?
He bought me flowers on mothers day and gave me a huge hug.
When we were married, we did not celebrate mothers day because I was not his mother. Now I get flowers. He certainly didn't compliment me on anything, and that is for sure.
I find it rather creepy.
When we talk on the phone, he wants to tell me about his day or his week. We are not besties. We are ex spouses!
I am always very civil to him. I do not hate him. I hate some of the things he has done to me, but I cannot hate a person, it is not within me to do that.
I just do not understand him. Does anyone else have this going on?
Some of my family and friends and I have come to the conclusion that he may feel like he still wants to be with me, or wishes we were not apart.
He was so mean to me when we separated and the police were at my door and I was in court so much that I thought for sure that as soon as that one year mark hit, I would have divorce papers on my door but I never did. Not ever.
After 5 years, I finally filed. I never had the money before that. I did it without a lawyer and took care of all the paper work on my own.
Now he just wants to be my best friend. We can be friends, that is fine. We have kids together. We should be civil. Just don't be creepy!
Unfortunately, he seems to be one of those people that cherish a relationship only once its over. I had an ex like that he treated me horribly & bragged about his exes & once I ditched him, he was running after me like a lil puppy & telling his current girl what a gem I was.
Last edited by angrymillionaire; 08-11-2013 at 04:22 PM..
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