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^^^Your son does not need a father like this!
And he will learn how to treat his future wife by watching what you do, and what this man does.
It will be painful and it will be scary, but you CAN do this, you can get away from him and start a life for yourself and your son that is healthy.
You owe nothing to this man, and he will continue to take everything from you. He will not wake up one day and suddenly realize how he mistreated you. He will not feel sorry. And he will not give you what you need: SAFETY, and SECURITY and love without strings attached.
I do hope you take the advice offered here...believe me, once you start the process there will be lots of help, don't be afraid to do start. You will feel so much stronger once you do. Please don't allow yourself to continue to be hurt.
^^^Your son does not need a father like this!
And he will learn how to treat his future wife by watching what you do, and what this man does.
It will be painful and it will be scary, but you CAN do this, you can get away from him and start a life for yourself and your son that is healthy.
You owe nothing to this man, and he will continue to take everything from you. He will not wake up one day and suddenly realize how he mistreated you. He will not feel sorry. And he will not give you what you need: SAFETY, and SECURITY and love without strings attached.
I do hope you take the advice offered here...believe me, once you start the process there will be lots of help, don't be afraid to do start. You will feel so much stronger once you do. Please don't allow yourself to continue to be hurt.
Thank you. My mother is going to get me tomorrow. She is in another state now. I have a final exam for an important class on Wednesday so I am trying to stay cool. He does not know anything is up. I may have her come with police escort. I would prefer to take my car, as it is mostly in my name, and he will resist that. He is actually here on a green card (thanks to me... I forgot to mention that! We met in Russia, where I lived for 6 years) so he basically needs my name for everything. He has to go out this afternoon and I plan to discreetly pack some of my things and try to transfer some money out of our joint account back to mine.
This morning I saw that he had registered for numerous dating sites (just this morning, while i slept!) and had sent messages to people. That was the last straw.
I am not sure why you married a man who was visiting dating sites (and porn sites since that bothers you) while you were still dating, nor why did you bore his child, but I am guessing you have extremely bad self esteem issues. I agree with everyone else that you need to get out of this situation. But it is very important that you face your own role in this so that you choose more wisely next time (if there is a next time).
This is a problem, a classic statement from a woman in an abusive relationship. "We had chemistry and when he was nice he was very nice, so I stayed with him. Even though he was often manipulative and prone to temper tantrums." Your child is watching everything that is happening. I am not one to push therapy on people but I think it would be very helpful for you.
I found out that he was doing these things after we got married.
About pregnancy - I took contraception, so, oops? Anyway, I do not regret the birth of my son because I love him so much and he is wonderful. I just have to get away from this person.
He will know I am leaving. I do not really care. He is new to this country, does not speak English well, and I have the upper hand. I have to go somewhere that he would not expect, like a hotel, and then rent a different place. Luckily I have parents who can and will help me.
I am not sure if I need therapy. Maybe. I am a pretty well-adjusted person and I do not know how I got stuck in this mess. I had everything fine and orderly in my life, until I met him at 27. When I am away from him I feel good. I graduated from an ivy league university and made a good income living abroad. But he is really really really conniving. I feel that he has fed off women his whole life.
I'm so glad to hear that!
I wish you every good thing on your journey ahead! And that you will find some counseling and help to recover from this man.
Be safe, it sounds like you have a good plan! And good luck on your exam.
If the loan for the car is in both your names, how about the Title of the car? If you can, take the title and return the car to the dealership. Take what you get from trading in your new car and use that to buy a used car...no loan.
You do NOT want to have shared credit of any kind with this guy, he can ruin you.
Green card? oh, yes!! Deport him! no one here wants him and that is the best way to protect your son from him.
I'm so happy to hear you have a plan. You WILL recover from this. Be smart and safe.
Great your mom is coming for you! Be sure to print out ANY AND ALL evidence of his internet exploits and SAVE THEM. Go see a lawyer no later than tomorrow! YOu need to know your legal standpoint BEFORE leave!
If the loan for the car is in both your names, how about the Title of the car? If you can, take the title and return the car to the dealership. Take what you get from trading in your new car and use that to buy a used car...no loan.
You do NOT want to have shared credit of any kind with this guy, he can ruin you.
Green card? oh, yes!! Deport him! no one here wants him and that is the best way to protect your son from him.
I'm so happy to hear you have a plan. You WILL recover from this. Be smart and safe.
Thanks. We moved states and they took the title when we changed our plates. But they place where I got the car is near my parents, so I hope I can drop it off there. Yes I want to get rid of it. Actually, if I pay for the car he can't do anything, because he has no clue. He does not even know who does our loan because I make the payments online. However I would rather get rid of the car. It is our only joint possession luckily. Except for our son. Luckily my son has me and very loving and involved grandparents (my parents). He has never met anyone from my husband's side.
Yes leave no paper trail exactly and no credit cards ,, he can and will find you if you use credit cards and Im pretty sure he will try and find you so be safe . Also be careful with your son , have him use another name tell him it is a game and give him another name just for the time being . No dont tell him you are leaving ,please dont do that and yes take the car back to where you got it from and trade it and get something close to paid off that way no loan , no paper trail . Act like you are going into witness protection or at least hide yourself and your son for the time being . Good luck . I cannot stress this enough , do not tell him you are leaving .....
Yeah, I will not leave a paper trail. Obviously have to talk to a lawyer. When someone is this deceitful, it is hard to know what extent they will go to. I mean, what do you need to get protection from someone? While he has not abused me I am afraid he would steal or son or do something to him out of anger towards me. It has not happened yet but I have not left him yet. I do believe he would run out of money and leave the country. He has family and friends abroad and would be better there. Since he only thinks about himself, I hope that is what he will do.
I am somewhat discombobulated. I had his phone in my pocket and accidentally put it in the washing machine. First time ever in my life. He shouted at me of course. I did not respond. Now he is not speaking to me. And this is a cheap phone and the sim card was moved to another backup phone we have, so it is not a big deal. But that is the story of my life. Just waiting these days out.
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