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You have to invite her to lay down, relax and then massage, caress and make feel amazing. Then start a few light kisses on non sensual areas. Take your time until her body starts responding to the pleasurable touch.
The BAM!!! Kidding... Move to alittle more seductive kisses. The neck and ear area.
I guess I should have given a little more background information along with my original post. We have been together nearly 2 years and we get along well enough. We live together and we have kids although we are not married. She has her own 7 year old and I have my 5 year old and it's a pretty regular family. Recently the kids have stopped referring to us by our names and simply call us mom and dad so there is a bit more to consider. It's not quite as easy to just break up and move on. It's not that she doesn't want to have sex at all. It's just so seldom, maybe once every other week or so, but I'm 39 years old with a pretty healthy sex drive and I obviously want it much more than she does. If the kids were not a major factor then I would certainly give some consideration to just moving on but as I just said it's not that easy. I don't want to break up our little family just because daddy has needs and mommy doesn't.
Has this pattern changed since you all have been together?
It doesn't sound like "sexless" to me. It appears you changed your mind on the frequency. Since you do not have children together you have free will, by that I mean breakup to satisfy your "need", not cheat. My answer would be different if you all had children together.
Also, maybe you all should discuss a slightly open relationship.
You've been together two years? So the kid you have together is basically an infant. Does she work? Who cares for the three (young!) children you have between the two of you?
To describe a relationship as "sexless" when you are getting it a few times a month, is frankly ridiculous. LOTS of couples in your situation are getting it on far less. As I've said elsewhere on these boards, I'm 37 and I'd cheerfully have sex multiple times a day. BUT I don't have children! Young kids can kill your sex life. My cousin has three young children - they share parenting and household maintenance duties and schedule regular date nights. They DO things together as well - like running 5Ks and organizing low-budget outings for the whole family. In other words, they work really really hard at working couple time and family time into their schedule.
Help her out more with the kids and whatever her other stressors are. Stop bean counting. TALK to her about what is bothering her in her life and how the two of you can make it better. And just accept the fact that as long as you have a toddler in the house, your sex life is going to be spotty. It's called being an adult - you don't get your nonessential wants all the time, because other things take precedence..
Ok....lets try READING what I wrote instead of just glancing at it. I said we each have our own child. A 7 year old and a 5 year old. Never mentioned having a toddler. Both kids are pretty self sufficient and require minimal supervision so it's not like she's running around the house chasing babies. They go to bed around 8pm and we don't usually go to bed till 11 so there is plenty of time after the kids have gone to bed for some hanky panky. We share all parenting and house duties so it doesn't just fall on her.
In an ocean view suite in Hawaii. Kids fast asleep in separate room. No sex.
Nothing. ****ing bull**** this is. I'm not going to screw up this vacation by having yet another talk. Things are going to be very different when we get back home. This was the last straw.
I guess I should have given a little more background information along with my original post. We have been together nearly 2 years and we get along well enough. We live together and we have kids although we are not married. She has her own 7 year old and I have my 5 year old and it's a pretty regular family. Recently the kids have stopped referring to us by our names and simply call us mom and dad so there is a bit more to consider. It's not quite as easy to just break up and move on. It's not that she doesn't want to have sex at all. It's just so seldom, maybe once every other week or so, but I'm 39 years old with a pretty healthy sex drive and I obviously want it much more than she does. If the kids were not a major factor then I would certainly give some consideration to just moving on but as I just said it's not that easy. I don't want to break up our little family just because daddy has needs and mommy doesn't.
Do you treat each other with respect? I ask because my experience has shown me that if one (the man in my experience) is extremely critical, controlling and down right mean, he's not going to get more sex.
If you want a LOVING ACT you need to act like you want it by giving love. If you act like you're entitled to it and demand it, it's not going to happen very often because she won't desire you and eventually will resent you. Butttttt the fact that your here asking for advice tells me that you know there's a problem and willing to try. There are some guys who refuses and believe it's all the woman's fault. IME
Nothing. ****ing bull**** this is. I'm not going to screw up this vacation by having yet another talk. Things are going to be very different when we get back home. This was the last straw.
Ok....lets try READING what I wrote instead of just glancing at it. I said we each have our own child. A 7 year old and a 5 year old. Never mentioned having a toddler. Both kids are pretty self sufficient and require minimal supervision so it's not like she's running around the house chasing babies. They go to bed around 8pm and we don't usually go to bed till 11 so there is plenty of time after the kids have gone to bed for some hanky panky. We share all parenting and house duties so it doesn't just fall on her.
Sorry - from my perspective you stated things ambiguously. "We have kids" implies to me that there is at least one child that you had together in the mix.
But, um, no. 5-year-olds and 7-year-olds are not self-sufficient from what I can tell - the diapers and whatnot are over, but you have to keep on top of a bunch of other issues, like homework and playdates and discipline and activities. Just because they're in bed at 8 doesn't mean it's party time after that.
If you want it to be a family, you need couples counseling. You need to figure out if this is simply mismatched libidos or if there is an underlying health issue (psychological or physical) or other hindrance. But if you approach it from the perspective of "I deserve more sex," I promise you you're not going to make much progress. If you approach it from "How can I help improve our sex life?" you might get somewhere.
And still, I say there is nothing remotely "sexless" about your relationship. I've heard horror stories about MONTHS between sexual encounters, or even years. If you describe your relationship as "sexless" to her, she's probably not going to feel like meeting you halfway in any way, shape or form.
With the additional details, it sounds to me like there is something that is beating down her sex drive. Having a constructive conversation would be a very good start with her. You may need third party counseling to help the two of you discuss this and work through some things too.
With the additional details, it sounds to me like there is something that is beating down her sex drive. Having a constructive conversation would be a very good start with her. You may need third party counseling to help the two of you discuss this and work through some things too.
Agreed. Open communication about this issue needs to be more than "I want more sex. One...two...three...go." Sex for many women is mental as much as physical, so if she's feeling stressed or depressed that's going to do a number on her libido.
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In an ocean view suite in Hawaii. Kids fast asleep in separate room. No sex.
