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Since you are willfully distorting or ignoring everything I say surrounding this issue to boil it down to a blatant absurdity, I'll just let you believe your own nonsense if it makes you feel superior.
I don't want to mess up the rest of this vacation by having yet another useless talk with my wife. This is the last straw, Things are going to be mighty different when we get home.
Time to finally whip out that list of escort phone numbers.
Then she needs to find a guy for whom sex is equally non-enjoyable. Taking her condition out on an unsuspecting guy, and then lying about having great sex on vacation, and THEN holding out is not the act of a kind or loving person. OP needs to get out of the marriage.
The challenge with that idea (for hetero relationships) is that a much larger % of women than men fall into that category.
Every time I read a thread like that, it upsets me. Because I'm the wife in this scenario. Except I'm not even 30 yet. And I don't turn my husband down unless I'm genuinely tired or don't feel well, but it's always nothing more than a duty to me. Not repulsive or anything, just...unnecessary? Waste of time that I'd rather use for reading or sleeping or a movie? I know it sounds horrible, but there's not a single thing I can do about it. And yes, hubby knows what he's doing and believe it or not I can have orgasms...I just don't care much about them! Seriously, a good massage feels just as good if not better. And it's simply a mechanical process for me - I don't get turned on mentally, not until the physical stimulation is there, sorry if that's tmi. In a way my libido has always been very weak - as a teenager it was non-existent, but then it got better in my early 20s, maybe something to do with the "biological clock", but I was actually very close to 'normal' for those 5-6 years or so, I 'trained' myself to enjoy sex, in a way. Then I had my son - and bam. Gone. Completely, totally, zero. It's been 3,5 years and it's not any better. Yes, I get more tired etc but that's not it, I feel it's a purely physiological/hormonal basis, I've even gotten much less physically sensitive since then. I had all checkups done, everything is normal. But that's how it is. And believe me, I hate being this way. I constantly have to remind myself to pretend to be interested, to play it up for DH because I know that if he really knew how I felt, he would probably leave, if not now then eventually. And I don't want to lose him over something I have no control over. So I'll never admit it to him. But it's hard. I really really wish I could be one of those truly sexual women, that I could not just enjoy it but WANT it, because I don't even know what that feels like. I sometimes wonder if I'm asexual...but I don't want it to ruin my family. Now I don't know if any of this is even close to OP's wife case...but just wanting to share from this side of the fence...and point out that just because she used to enjoy sex doesn't mean that she couldn't have lost her libido now - or that it's something the OP does or doesn't do or that she's a ***** who denies him on purpose. Maybe she genuinely can't help it. I know other women who feel this way, so it's not that uncommon. I just wish they figured out how to 'fix' it...
Stab in the dark here - could it be you're in "Mom Mode" and can't put yourself in a mode of being sexy and getting the kid(s) off your mind for a bit?
I don't mean neglect, of course, but you sound like you WANT to "want it" so to speak. I've typically been a high-libido woman, but for a time after the kids were born I was like you. The kids getting older helped a lot, (they stay in their own beds, don't cry at night, typically, etc...) but I also had to train myself to let go of the "mom" label when my husband and I were alone and trying to be intimate.
It may or may not work for you, just an idea. For me, since my "base" libido is much higher, it was probably a lot easier to break the rut.
I think men (and all people) call a lot of things by dumb names. I don't know a lot about this PUA stuff. But if I understand it, stupid name aside, it is about being charming and appealing and confident. I suppose it is up to the person to apply it in a nice or jerky manner.
I am not suggesting changing who he (or anyone) is. I am talking about learning stuff about relationship dynamics in order to make himself happy. How can that be bad?
I am not sure when I suggested any of those things. Oh yeah, that is because I didn't!
OK, sorry if I jumped to a conclusion. However, how does one "fake" confidence? You either are, or you aren't. Fake confidence comes across as stupid and laughable to me.
OK, sorry if I jumped to a conclusion. However, how does one "fake" confidence? You either are, or you aren't. Fake confidence comes across as stupid and laughable to me.
You are replying to me. But I think you must be talking to someone else. I never said anything about faking confidence.
You are replying to me. But I think you must be talking to someone else. I never said anything about faking confidence.
You said "is about being charming and appealing and confident."
If he is those things, he is. If he isn't, he isn't. She married the guy as the person he was. How is he suddenly going to flip a switch and become charming (if he isn't already) etc. That's my point.
If he indeed has changed from how he was in the beginning, he can try to return to that. Is that what you're getting at?
If my husband (who is charming to me) suddenly started trying to change these things about himself, I'd see RIGHT through it.
Sadly, TaoistDude and other male posters here would tell your husband to bail--that love, family, comfort and lifelong companionship are pale compensation for a life where you can't get laid on the regular.
Thanks for posting from this perspective.
What love or comfort is left, after years of rejection, humiliation, emasculation, resentment, constant frustration, feeling ignored?
A man who looks in the mirror and sees someone who grew up to be the type of man who has to beg for sex and then still gets rejected...You think he's feeling loved and comforted?
A man who has the ways and means to take a family of four on a Hawaiian vacation, seems to be a good all around husband...This is a man who has to live in frustration because of a lack of a basic need?
Really? That's what you and a lot of other female posters here would expect of their husbands?
What love or comfort is left, after years of rejection, humiliation, emasculation, resentment, constant frustration, feeling ignored?
A man who looks in the mirror and sees someone who grew up to be the type of man who has to beg for sex and then still gets rejected...You think he's feeling loved and comforted?
A man who has the ways and means to take a family of four on a Hawaiian vacation, seems to be a good all around husband...This is a man who has to live in frustration because of a lack of a basic need?
Really? That's what you and a lot of other female posters here would expect of their husbands?
As I said "upthread" it's very hard for someone with a low libido to understand why the high libido spouse "needs sex so much".
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