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Bringing up the subject and then dropping it is not a solution. You need to actually address it with her and carry the conversation through from start to finish instead of getting fed up and changing the subject. I envision a comment from you to her about your lack of sex life, she reacts with surprise, and you snarl "nevermind" and sit there fuming,and wondering why nothing changes. Have you ever shared your true feelings and frustrations with her or is it you always attempting to bring it up and then backing away from the conversation? "Trying" to talk about it isn't the same as actually talking about it in-depth and reaching a resolution.
Yeah. I guess it's too late now (?), but the OP should have "dragged or cajoled her into counseling" a long time ago, instead of stopping short of that point, due to wounded pride at the thought of having to do that. *sighh* On the other hand, if she's accusing him of being "overly dramatic" when he lays it on the line and says he can't take it anymore, well....that doesn't seem to bode well for the prospects of counseling, anyway.
I can't imagine putting up with all that teasing for 10 years, though. That's cruel and unusual punishment.
Bringing up the subject and then dropping it is not a solution. You need to actually address it with her and carry the conversation through from start to finish instead of getting fed up and changing the subject. I envision a comment from you to her about your lack of sex life, she reacts with surprise, and you snarl "nevermind" and sit there fuming,and wondering why nothing changes. Have you ever shared your true feelings and frustrations with her or is it you always attempting to bring it up and then backing away from the conversation? "Trying" to talk about it isn't the same as actually talking about it in-depth and reaching a resolution.
Of course I have. Many many times. The pattern is as follows:
1: We have an heart to heart and I tell her exactly whats bothering me
2: She seems surprised and agrees to of course address the issues
3: Nothing changes
4: I later ask her about 3
5: She gets exasperated and claims im so complicated
6: I drop the subject for awhile.
10 years of this. Fact is .. she simply doesnt like sex with me. Maybe I turn her off, maybe she likes something elsd, or maybe she doesnt like sex. Or maybe like another poster said .. she might have a boyfriend. I have no idea.
1: We have an heart to heart and I tell her exactly whats bothering me
She probably doesn't want to hear your b*tching, and thinks you're weak.
You're probably so far down this path that it is part of who you are, her view of you has been cemented, and even in the event of an epiphany you probably won't be able to change that perception.
Of course I have. Many many times. The pattern is as follows:
1: We have an heart to heart and I tell her exactly whats bothering me
2: She seems surprised and agrees to of course address the issues
3: Nothing changes
4: I later ask her about 3
5: She gets exasperated and claims im so complicated
6: I drop the subject for awhile.
10 years of this. Fact is .. she simply doesnt like sex with me. Maybe I turn her off, maybe she likes something elsd, or maybe she doesnt like sex. Or maybe like another poster said .. she might have a boyfriend. I have no idea.
But why continue dropping the subject for 10 years? A guy who wants sex isn't "so complicated". It's a normal human function. Looks like she's the one who's complicated. And why continue the same strategy, that clearly hasn't been working, for 10 years? Isn't that the definition of insanity? It never occurred to you at some point, "OK, I need to try something different now, because this isn't working"?
She probably doesn't want to hear your b*tching, and thinks you're weak.
You're probably so far down this path that it is part of who you are, her view of you has been cemented, and even in the event of an epiphany you probably won't be able to change that perception.
What was he supposed to do? Say NOTHING for fear of "b*tching" or appearing "weak?"
Or was he supposed to just throw her down and "take what he wants"?
I don't know what his alternative would have been.
But why continue dropping the subject for 10 years? A guy who wants sex isn't "so complicated". It's a normal human function. Looks like she's the one who's complicated. And why continue the same strategy, that clearly hasn't been working, for 10 years? Isn't that the definition of insanity? It never occurred to you at some point, "OK, I need to try something different now, because this isn't working"?
Yes. I read books, I read articles, I did all that. But now things actually are going to be different. Im leaving her. Thats different, right?
Say NOTHING for fear of "b*tching" or appearing "weak?"
Saying nothing is definitely a better option than b*tching and appearing weak.
i'm not real clear on what the central conflict was that needed to be resolved, but there are clearly many ways to resolve an issue, and controlling your emotions, maintaining a rational disposition, and avoiding emotional outbursts is a central role men must play in a relationship.
It may be that she's an unreasonable person that he should've divorced long ago. I don't know. I just know that what he's describing has , to me, proven to be counterproductive for men trying to solve relationship problems with women.
Quote:
Or was he supposed to just throw her down and "take what he wants"?
Now I'm not saying he should or shouldn't do that
there is a fine line between "Yes no" and "No no" and i cannot assume OP knows where that is
Quote:
I don't know what his alternative would have been.
elaborate, please, on what choice you think needed to be made, and when.
Yes. I read books, I read articles, I did all that. But now things actually are going to be different. Im leaving her. Thats different, right?
OK, so I take it you've had an aversion to counseling for 10 years. That's usually what couples do when talking doesn't work--they try professional help. But, whatever. I hope your next marriage works out a lot better.
What was he supposed to do? Say NOTHING for fear of "b*tching" or appearing "weak?"
Or was he supposed to just throw her down and "take what he wants"?
I don't know what his alternative would have been.
It almost doesn't matter anymore. Whatever she's thinking or not thinking, she's left her husband thinking she doesn't want him. That, to me, is brutal.
She probably doesn't want to hear your b*tching, and thinks you're weak.
You're probably so far down this path that it is part of who you are, her view of you has been cemented, and even in the event of an epiphany you probably won't be able to change that perception.
Oh great. More PUA Alpha wisdom.
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On the other hand, if she's accusing him of being "overly dramatic" when he lays it on the line and says he can't take it anymore, well....that doesn't seem to bode well for the prospects of counseling, anyway. 
