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This is exactly it. They have the conversation...he wants more sex, she agrees. But what happens then? Does he only touch her or show affection when he wants sex?
We went through this...the same stupid cycle. He wanted more sex, he asked for more sex, I agreed (because I actually did like sex). However, I was expected to do all the changing. Nothing on his end changed. There was no affection, there was no intimacy...when he was in the mood for sex he'd say "do you want to do it?" or he'd slap my ass. Not exactly something that would get me in the mood after being home all day playing the "mom role" or working all day and feeling exhausted at the end of the day.
Bedtime would come and there was zero effort on his part, so I'd get ready for bed and go to sleep...and he'd be pissy. I was exhausted...so for sex to win out over sleep he would have to show that he actually DESIRED me, not that I was some kind of convenient semen receptacle.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
That's what I was pointing toward some pages back. She doesn't want sex, but she doesn't want to admit she isn't (or is no longer) feeling sexual. Why is what we don't know.
But...maybe it's too late for why.
Agree...they need to figure out "why" but it doesn't seem like he's interested in that. He's checked out and done.
This is exactly it. They have the conversation...he wants more sex, she agrees. But what happens then? Does he only touch her or show affection when he wants sex?
We went through this...the same stupid cycle. He wanted more sex, he asked for more sex, I agreed (because I actually did like sex). However, I was expected to do all the changing. Nothing on his end changed. There was no affection, there was no intimacy...when he was in the mood for sex he'd say "do you want to do it?" or he'd slap my ass. Not exactly something that would get me in the mood after being home all day playing the "mom role" or working all day and feeling exhausted at the end of the day.
Bedtime would come and there was zero effort on his part, so I'd get ready for bed and go to sleep...and he'd be pissy. I was exhausted...so for sex to win out over sleep he would have to show that he actually DESIRED me, not that I was some kind of convenient semen receptacle.
Agree...they need to figure out "why" but it doesn't seem like he's interested in that. He's checked out and done.
Well, we DO know that she's acting interested, then pulling back. What we don't know is, how did he behave that night at dinner? Did he just sit there and eat, talk about banal things, then expect sex? Or did he at least attempt to be romantic, or flirtatous, etc?
Not to mention, she leads him on, then pulls away.
Well... if that's what the trip to Hawaii was "about" then I can kind of understand where she's coming from. I'm not trying to downplay how frustrating this must be for the OP, or that it's a serious problem, but there is the undercurrent in his posts of, "I took the family to Hawaii, so I damn well deserve to get laid for it." This isn't to say sex shouldn't be a part of a healthy relationship (it should), but I kind of wonder if the attitude she's receiving might not be far off from the following:
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy*
This is exactly it. They have the conversation...he wants more sex, she agrees. But what happens then? Does he only touch her or show affection when he wants sex?
We went through this...the same stupid cycle. He wanted more sex, he asked for more sex, I agreed (because I actually did like sex). However, I was expected to do all the changing. Nothing on his end changed. There was no affection, there was no intimacy...when he was in the mood for sex he'd say "do you want to do it?" or he'd slap my ass. Not exactly something that would get me in the mood after being home all day playing the "mom role" or working all day and feeling exhausted at the end of the day.
Bedtime would come and there was zero effort on his part, so I'd get ready for bed and go to sleep...and he'd be pissy. I was exhausted...so for sex to win out over sleep he would have to show that he actually DESIRED me, not that I was some kind of convenient semen receptacle.
Agree...they need to figure out "why" but it doesn't seem like he's interested in that. He's checked out and done.
Is it possible he's not showing love in the way that she needs? Is it possible that something completely outside of the bedroom is leading her to feel disconnected from him? Some men do not seem to make the correlation of how a woman feels in general connecting to her sexual desire (generalization, not all) and expect that sex will be treated like a need that has to be addressed all the time.
And then the more pressure that is put on the idea of sex by the more-wanting partner, the more of a turn-off it has to become for her if indeed part of the issue from the start was feeling that sense of disconnect.
And maybe that's not what's going on here... but the OP has shown in a lot of posts that neither he nor his wife are very good at communicating. They're very good at dodging difficult discussions (him by pretending not to be upset or by bringing things up and dropping it, her by saying but not doing.) If they want this to change and find a deeper more honest relationship, that has to change (on both sides.)
Last edited by kitkatbar; 08-15-2013 at 04:22 PM..
This is exactly it. They have the conversation...he wants more sex, she agrees. But what happens then? Does he only touch her or show affection when he wants sex?
We went through this...the same stupid cycle. He wanted more sex, he asked for more sex, I agreed (because I actually did like sex). However, I was expected to do all the changing. Nothing on his end changed. There was no affection, there was no intimacy...when he was in the mood for sex he'd say "do you want to do it?" or he'd slap my ass. Not exactly something that would get me in the mood after being home all day playing the "mom role" or working all day and feeling exhausted at the end of the day.
Bedtime would come and there was zero effort on his part, so I'd get ready for bed and go to sleep...and he'd be pissy. I was exhausted...so for sex to win out over sleep he would have to show that he actually DESIRED me, not that I was some kind of convenient semen receptacle.
Agree...they need to figure out "why" but it doesn't seem like he's interested in that. He's checked out and done.
You make some good points. As I always say, romance is so very important to keep up in a relationship by both parties. I recommend they start there.
She is is either frigid or does not love you. I think you should dump her and be done with it. Pay no mind to everyone claiming its your fault, just get out. You will likely have a line of women ready to take her place so long as you are relatively fit and have a decent job. Where do you live? I might be interested.
Both means "him" in the end and it'll be all his fault.
The only thing I fault him for at this point is that in 10 years, he never said, "COUNSELING. NOW!" As to the rest of it, we have no information, so it's pointless to assign blame to him. I think some good points were raised, but we have no idea if they apply to him or not.
The only thing I fault him for at this point is that in 10 years, he never said, "COUNSELING. NOW!" As to the rest of it, we have no information, so it's pointless to assign blame to him. I think some good points were raised, but we have no idea if they apply to him or not.
In these type threads both sides of the true story would help as suggestions may really be worth the invisible "gust of wind".
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