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I have serious doubts you truly understand what a real long term relationship is. Once the initial phase is over and the reality of day to day living sets in those "little" things can and do turn into "big" things no matter how many times you "discuss" it issue.
When the "big" thing happens to be TRUST..........time to walk away and not look back because loss of trust is NOT a little thing.
I am in a long term relationship. I know exactly what it is. One of the things that define our relationship is good communication. We let each other know when we are hurt, and try to resolve it.
For instance we started talking about my first ex, and she asked me why I broke up with her. I said "Due to her personality and looks", and that made her very insecure about her looks. She could have hold it to helself, broke up with me city data style or started yelling. But she instead turned quiet, I realized something was wrong and we talked about it and I apologized. It especially helped when she found some pictures of my ex.
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By the way, when the trust has already been broken there is no need for tangible proof because the trust is still gone and everything in the future will be suspect. Another bit of information learned from a long term relationship.
Hogwash. Trust can be regained with effective communication. Something that should be in a long term relationship.
Did you miss the part where she said she's tried to discuss it with him several times, and has even seen what looked like a cut of video footage of her in the act, but he denies it everytime? GET IT?? He DENIES it when she tries to discuss it. He's not allowing discussion, and he certainly has no intention of complying with her wishes. Just because your gf would comply with whatever you asked her to stop doing doesn't mean everyone is as compliant and above-board as your gf.
If he hasn't done it, then of course he would deny it. Would you admit doing something you didn't do? Maybe he did do it, but only effective communication will resolve the issue. Just dumping him city data style can lead to problems for her as well. She is always going to wonder if she made a mistake to dump him.
If he does not allow communication on the topic, then she can break up with him due to that. A good boyfriend will try to make her feel safe he did not do it.
Finally, a reasonable person. I get how easy it is to tell other people to just break it off but I wonder if they would follow their own advice if THEY were on the other side of this post.
If they would just throw away 2 years and the person they really love and wanted to have a future with, when they had no evidence...
Thank you. Many people on this forum are single so they have no idea what a long term relationship requires.
If we all broke up with the first problem, then we would all be single. The question you should ask yourself is if you still want to grow old with him after you find out the truth of the events. Do you think you can ever trust him again?
Then when you have answered the questions, then do what you feel is the right thing to do.
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Hmm...I think it was pointed towards me...I mean he was lying on his back and holding his phone right in front of his face, and I was right on the other side of his phone.
That's the reason I found it suspicious in the first place...the few other times he took his phone out during times like that he usually held it by his side and not in front of his face...
And I am going to check his video folder...as soon as I get the chance.
He checked his phone while you were giving him a BJ/riding him? That does sound suspect. Yeah, go and check his video folder.
Even if you don't find anything, you really should communicate with him, that you don't find it acceptable, and he should understand it and apalogize.
Finally, a reasonable person.
I get how easy it is to tell other people to just break it off, but I wonder if they would follow their own advice if THEY were on the other side of this post.
If they would just throw away 2 years and the person they really love and wanted to have a future with, when they had no evidence...
A lot of people here probably would... You gotta understand that there are a lot of miserable relationship losers in this forum that apparently want everyone else to be just as miserable and advise them to break up with someone over the slightest infraction. These losers act like they know all about what it takes to have a successful relationship all the while not having one themselves.
Umm he's your BOYFRIEND. He obviously likes/loves you!!!
If he records it, it's because he finds it HOT. He wants to look at it later or something.
I always record stuff like that, typically with permission. My gf has made me tons of videos. So have ex's, pics, you name it...
You've never sent him naked pics? I would never send naked pictures of my girlfriend to any friends. Now if he wasn't your BF and just a friend with benefits, then maybe be concerned. Especially if he didn't ask...
WTF kind of BS cover story is, "oh no honey, i wasn't secretly taping you, i was just looking at photos of dead bodies while you have my junk in your mouth". jeez
what other signs of lying have you noticed? is this the only one?
also, has he brought up wanting to make videos before and you turned him down. not that it's an excuse - quite the opposite in fact. i'm just trying to figure out what would make a guy BS his GF of two years in such a low manner
anyway it's too late for looking through his phone to tell you much, the kind of guy who secretly records his GF giving him a BJ is the type of guy who moves the evidence by the time a week has passed
Umm he's your BOYFRIEND. He obviously likes/loves you!!!
If he records it, it's because he finds it HOT. He wants to look at it later or something.
I always record stuff like that, typically with permission. My gf has made me tons of videos. So have ex's, pics, you name it...
You've never sent him naked pics? I would never send naked pictures of my girlfriend to any friends. Now if he wasn't your BF and just a friend with benefits, then maybe be concerned. Especially if he didn't ask...
I was actually thinking the same thing.
I'm gonna pretend everything's fine, like nothing ever happened and I trust his word about the videos not existing, and when I get a chance to take a look at his phone (which is not gonna be easy since he's carrying it around with him 24/7...he even takes it to the bathroom sometimes...even more suspicious, I know. Even before the whole video thing.) he does leave it in the room sometimes, and luckily I already know his password, so when I get the chance I'll look through his album and messages...If I DO find something, I'll put the phone away (without deleting the video) , wait for him to return and then tell him (pretending I don't know a thing) that I'm still worried about the video thing and ask him to show me his albums or else I'm calling a cab and he'll never see me again.
If he shows me (when I already know the videos are there), I tell him to delete it and after he's done that I throw it in his face and walk away.
If he DOESN'T show me still denying it (even after I know they're there) I still walk away. And he can post them wherever he wants...I was planning on moving to the North Pole anyway :/
I was also thinking maybe I should send a copy of it to MYSELF...this way there's a chance I might even sue him...
Confronting without any evidence is pointless...
Word to the unwise...and please do just think long and hard about this....
what you have described above is NOT what real love looks like.
You sound very young - 21? 22?
Here's the reality...
You don't have to "confront" him
You don't have to have "evidence"
You simply have to be true to yourself.
You said in your first post "no matter how many times he tried to calm me down my intuition just tells me something's not right...and unfortunately, my intuition's never wrong."
Our gut instincts are there to protect us, from physical and emotional harm.
Ignoring them is not only foolish, but a form of denial.
i take videos like this all the time but my gf is cool with it. he's probably just too much a weeny to come out and tell you he wants to do it
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