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Old 08-16-2013, 09:12 AM
 
3,552 posts, read 4,731,558 times
Reputation: 3749

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Quote:
Originally Posted by SD4020 View Post
Typical mountain out of a molehill. 10 freaking pound. When it becomes 50 or a 100 pounds or poses a signifiant health risk, you might have a point. 10 pounds while within her healthy range, than is douchebaggery of a very low form.
I'm not making the mountain here. I never once said I'll leave her over it. I'm just asking if there's any way to possibly work on it without being rude about it. Being more active, watching what you eat a little more, etc.

I know no one on city data cares about looks or success or anything but this isnt the real world.

I'm not going to speak for my girlfriend but for a LOT of women based on past experiences, the fact I am in amazing shape and very successful definitely matters to MANY.

Thats like a woman saying she doesn't care if he looked like brad Pitt or jack black.

Or saying she doesn't care if he lived at home with his parents or made 500k a year.

People here love saying stuff doesnt matter but they'll gladly tell a woman here to leave a guy if he has no future or no job. Odd how that works.

Heaven forbid a guy wants a girl that stays in shape. My gf is fine now. Just worry it could get worse of course. Either way, not the END of the world.



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Old 08-16-2013, 09:16 AM
 
3,552 posts, read 4,731,558 times
Reputation: 3749
Quote:
Originally Posted by lmw36 View Post
"Honey, if you are upset with the way you look and not feeling confident, let's do something about it. I want you to feel happy when YOU look in the mirror. If you want to lose a few pounds, I'd love to help you get there and work out with you. Let's start cooking healthy together, heck, I need it too!"

IS IT REALLY THAT HARD?

When my boyfriend and I talk about body image/weight, This is how we talk. It's sincere. My boyfriend was jacked when I met him. He has gone through weight gains of 20 pounds during grad school, down to being a leaner runner now. We have conversations about HEALTH and balance. Neither of us is overweight or UNHEALTHY. We both swore to the other if the other got overweight, we would be supportive in getting the weight off. It's for our health, seriously. We encourage each other to have balanced diets and exercise. If one of us falls off the wagon we help the other get back on. Nobody is perfect.

I think it's hilarious people don't know how to address this. My boyfriend also isn't going through puberty anymore. Neither am I.

If you are not attracted to your wife because she is physically unhealthy, as her husband, you have a right to be concerned about her health. There are ways to address health without calling her a "heffer" as the OP so lovingly calls overweight people.
Yeah.. pretty much the same here really. And 10lbs isnt much but id just like to avoid ever getting to the point where I do have to tell her she needs to do something about it..

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Old 08-16-2013, 09:17 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
25,150 posts, read 27,117,528 times
Reputation: 57879
Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan View Post
I'm not going to speak for my girlfriend but for a LOT of women based on past experiences, the fact I am in amazing shape and very successful definitely matters to MANY.

Thats like a woman saying she doesn't care if he looked like brad Pitt or jack black.

Or saying she doesn't care if he lived at home with his parents or made 500k a year.
But again, what you do and what you look like has no bearing on her and how she lives her life. You're with an autonomous human being, not a lump of clay that you get to mold to your specifications. She is how she is.

Similarly, if a vegetarian dates a meat-eater, she has no right to demand that he also give up meat. Maybe he'll go meatless sometimes, but being a vegetarian is her thing, not his.
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Old 08-16-2013, 09:19 AM
 
Location: My House
34,800 posts, read 31,779,151 times
Reputation: 26000
I think you should tell her what your expectations are, OP.

Let her decide whether this works for her long-term or not.

It's honest and respectful.
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When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
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Old 08-16-2013, 09:19 AM
 
6,145 posts, read 6,857,161 times
Reputation: 6578
Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan View Post
Yeah.. pretty much the same here really. And 10lbs isnt much but id just like to avoid ever getting to the point where I do have to tell her she needs to do something about it.

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So why did you even start the thread? If you have such a relationship where you can tell her your concerns and not hurt her feelings/offend her, why the need to ask us what your options are?
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Old 08-16-2013, 09:20 AM
 
1,637 posts, read 2,816,655 times
Reputation: 2729
Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan View Post
I'm not making the mountain here. I never once said I'll leave her over it. I'm just asking if there's any way to possibly work on it without being rude about it. Being more active, watching what you eat a little more, etc.

I know no one on city data cares about looks or success or anything but this isnt the real world.

I'm not going to speak for my girlfriend but for a LOT of women based on past experiences, the fact I am in amazing shape and very successful definitely matters to MANY.

Thats like a woman saying she doesn't care if he looked like brad Pitt or jack black.

Or saying she doesn't care if he lived at home with his parents or made 500k a year.

People here love saying stuff doesnt matter but they'll gladly tell a woman here to leave a guy if he has no future or no job. Odd how that works.


Heaven forbid a guy wants a girl that stays in shape. My gf is fine now. Just worry it could get worse of course. Either way, not the END of the world.



Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using Tapatalk 2
-Your past experiences as a sex addict? What kind of women did you attract to you in that point in your life? "I have been single 4 out of the last 6 years. I typically stray from committed situations." And now you are dating a 19 year old. I really don't think you have a concept of what "real" is.

-Having absolutely no motivation or job has nothing to do with your thread. How you make this connection baffles me.

-You said your girlfriend does stay in shape. It could get worse? There might also be an earthquake that kills me tomorrow. I'm not doomsday prepping. She will change. Puberty, sir.
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Old 08-16-2013, 09:22 AM
 
Location: NYC
2,427 posts, read 3,614,216 times
Reputation: 2274
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheBeagleLady View Post
So why did you even start the thread? If you have such a relationship where you can tell her your concerns and not hurt her feelings/offend her, why the need to ask us what your options are?
it's in the title of the thread. no mystery

"How do you comment on the topic of weight gain to a SO?"

he was looking for suggestions on a manner of bringing it up which are the most constructive / least offensive

i'm sure even those here who advocate saying something would admit there are good and bad ways to go about it
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Old 08-16-2013, 09:24 AM
 
Location: NYC
2,427 posts, read 3,614,216 times
Reputation: 2274
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
Ya know, if you're going to cherrypick, you could at least read an entire sentence. You sound like you think you're disagreeing with me. But you're not.
i do disagree, a good dietitian would use fat calipers or that electric-conductivity tool to determine body fat % rather than use BMI

a professional who uses BMI in a one-on-one consult is lazy or rushed or uninformed
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Old 08-16-2013, 09:32 AM
 
6,145 posts, read 6,857,161 times
Reputation: 6578
Quote:
Originally Posted by OdysseusNY View Post
it's in the title of the thread. no mystery

"How do you comment on the topic of weight gain to a SO?"

he was looking for suggestions on a manner of bringing it up which are the most constructive / least offensive

i'm sure even those here who advocate saying something would admit there are good and bad ways to go about it
Except if their relationship is so great, why does he need to ask us how to bring it up? He should just be able to tell her.
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Old 08-16-2013, 09:34 AM
 
8,839 posts, read 10,591,095 times
Reputation: 11460
I was in a serious relationship with someone who gained over forty pounds in about two years. I found that no matter what, there was nothing I could do or say to help. If I mentioned something, I always did so in a positive and encouraging way. Didn't matter, she would become upset and eat more. I tried to lead by example, invited her to work out with me, offered to cook healthy with her, and after a week or two she'd give up and go back to her unhealthy ways. Meanwhile I like to be fit so I stayed active and kept eating healthy, hoping in the least to be a positive influence.

Eventually it got to where I had to pretend she was not gaining any weight. If I so much as hinted at any acknowledgement of her weight, she'd lose it, cry, and eat even worse. So, I just started keeping my mouth shut. Guess what? No change, she kept stuffing her face.

So if I said anything at all, it made it worse. If I didn't say anything, she stayed on her unhealthy course. It seems that until she herself woke and decided to make a change, nothing was going to help. It eventually led to our break up.

I ran into her years later. She never wised up. She looked awful; I'd guess she had put on an additional fifty pounds by then. I tried to help, but she was determined to ruin her life.
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