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Old 08-14-2013, 07:23 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,944 posts, read 14,475,817 times
Reputation: 30081

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You should enjoy your gf @ any weight, because the last thing a woman needs to hear is her S.O trying to control how shes suppose to look.
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Old 08-14-2013, 07:25 PM
 
Location: New Albany, IN
832 posts, read 1,500,404 times
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Default At 19?

Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan View Post
Nope. She doesn't work right now. I work 50 hrs a week. She does laundry, cleans, takes care of the dog, etc. I gave her a credit card in her name she uses for groceries (around $200/wk) we typically go over groceries together before she goes, but she knows what to get. I move for work every 5+ months and she comes with.

I have zero issue with this. I love her help and make more than enough money for us.
Excuse me again, but are you from one of those cultures where women marry very young? And how old are you? Doesn't sound like you're close to 19. I think she is too young to be in this kind of situation--she's been with you for a year and a half? Does she know any other way? Like others are saying, her body is still developing, and her mind is too. Her age sounds way too young to be making this kind of commitment, changing her body based on the desires of her "partner," not to mention moving with him for his job, doing his household chores... It's great that she is interested in an active lifestyle, especially without prompting from you 24/7--you should be thankful for that because most other 19 year-olds definitely are not concerned with fitness and diet to that level. She may end up being 120 lbs. and not get any lighter; she has not been an adult long enough to see a certain kind of pattern in weight (number on the scale, distribution on body, fat vs. muscle, etc.).

As for telling her... First of all, she probably notices and is concerned about her weight gain, since it appears that she is into fitness. Does she ever bring it up, for example complaining that her clothes don't fit as well as they used to? She probably doesn't need you to point it out. Second, you have said that you have been honest about other less-significant things about appearance and that she would continue to appreciate that honesty, so why not go ahead and bring it up?
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Old 08-14-2013, 07:28 PM
 
3,552 posts, read 4,754,582 times
Reputation: 3749
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
I have to agree. Dan, I like a lot of your posts, but you're being ridiculous. Really. You haven't even gotten through a whole year's worth of holidays or all four seasons yet. You're not engaged. You haven't even been together long enough for her to gestate a baby. You may think you know her really well, and you may think you have a right to say something to her, but if I were in her shoes and you decided to talk to me over 10 pounds, or my weight at all, I'd dump you.

When will men understand that women's bodies are not public property to comment on or theirs to try to control?
We have been together a total of 12 months? She's just been lifting with me 8 months.. we got together in march of '12 and broke up about 4 months last year because she needed to get her things in order a bit, which she did entirely..

Shes lived with me about 11 of those months and even the 4 we broke up I still spent thanksgiving with her fam and several days a week with her... I know her pretty well.

I don't expect any less than I expect of myself.





Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using Tapatalk 2
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Old 08-14-2013, 07:33 PM
 
1,432 posts, read 1,749,563 times
Reputation: 5025
Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan View Post
Her age has little to do with it and I never shoukd have mentioned it if youre using it like this. My last gfs were 25 and 29 and my gf is FAR more mature in a ton of ways. If she didnt live with me she would be making $8/hr and sleeping on her MOMS COUCH. I'm hardly holding her back from anything. She loves our situation and she just reiterated that over dinner tonight when I very forwardly asked.
So since you chose not to answer, let's assume you're significantly older than her and there's already the element of you liking to be in control of the relationship. And she's now 19 and you've been together since March of 2012? So she was either a very young 18 or 17 when you started dating? Yeah...

Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan View Post
I get the vibe you are much more than 10lbs overweight so I can't expect you to relate. How tall are you and how much do you weigh out of curiosity?
My BMI is 19, so no, I'm not. But I can recognize a control-freak jerk when I see one. Nice try though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan View Post
My purpose of this thread is how to possibly change the issue withiut being forward or hurting her. 10 lbs is one thing. What about when its 30 or 40?
30 or 40 maybe it would be time to have a chat. But I think there isn't a way to bring up, "Hey, you've gained 10 pounds," without seeming like an awful, superficial control freak who only likes her for her body.
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Old 08-14-2013, 07:35 PM
 
19,313 posts, read 26,011,459 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkatbar View Post
Seriously. This girl has already allowed her life to become following the OP around. He moves every 5 months and she goes with him, and doesn't work. He tells her what to buy on the grocery list. Good grief.

He said she's 19, and now I'm wondering how old he is... kinda getting the feeling he's a bit older and likes having an impressionable young girl he can control. If she was heavy enough to make it a health issue, that's one thing, or enough that it made a significant difference in appearance. But giving her a complex over 10 pounds would be an awful thing to do.

OP, what if you were in an accident and no longer looked as good? Would you shrug it off as no big deal if she dumped you over it? Or would you consider that a mean, shallow thing to do?
millions of immature men (boys) have lost the best thing they ever had-and it was right in front of them
then later in life, they regret it.. because they know he should have treated her better.
there's a good chance she will move on to better guys...but less of a chance he will move on to better women
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Old 08-14-2013, 07:39 PM
 
14,924 posts, read 19,118,490 times
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Just get a girl who is already a gym rat.
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Old 08-14-2013, 07:46 PM
 
874 posts, read 1,149,558 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan View Post
Figured I would start a thread here since I spend enough time here posting.

My gf is 19. We've been together a year and a half. Really nice girl and treats me great.

8 months ago she started working out with me. She's a pretty small girl. She's 5' and was 110 when we started dating. She is now up to 120. That's almost a 10% weight gain. I'm 215 lbs. If I gained 10% (20 lbs) that seems like a lot, to put it in perspective.

Really, if she got back down to 110 she woukd be perfect. When she picks up some cardio it seems to make a difference. However, she only does it when I ask her "are you going to run today?" We live together since I travel for work so she has more than enough time for that or adjusting her diet a little.


I know this is obviously very superficial but I work out a LOT and have for many many years and I'm in amazing shape to the point strangers even make comments on a very regular basis.

I love her to death and how she treats me, but also I just really need that physical attraction to be there as well. Thats not going to change so I'd welcome suggestions addressing the topic, not my personal views.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using Tapatalk 2
Not if 10lbs makes a difference.
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Old 08-14-2013, 07:47 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,109 posts, read 28,203,287 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wideworld View Post
Not if 10lbs makes a difference.
Seriously.

It's 10 lbs...not 50, not 100. Ten. Freaking. pounds. I fluctuate more than 10 lbs a week weight wise, though I am MUCH taller than his girlfriend.
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Old 08-14-2013, 07:50 PM
 
3,552 posts, read 4,754,582 times
Reputation: 3749
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkatbar View Post
So since you chose not to answer, let's assume you're significantly older than her and there's already the element of you liking to be in control of the relationship. And she's now 19 and you've been together since March of 2012? So she was either a very young 18 or 17 when you started dating? Yeah...



My BMI is 19, so no, I'm not. But I can recognize a control-freak jerk when I see one. Nice try though.



30 or 40 maybe it would be time to have a chat. But I think there isn't a way to bring up, "Hey, you've gained 10 pounds," without seeming like an awful, superficial control freak who only likes her for her body.
Haha get moar mad right now. Please.

We are 5.5 years apart. Actually her mom and step dad who I knew LONG before her are the ones that set us up...







Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
millions of immature men (boys) have lost the best thing they ever had-and it was right in front of them
then later in life, they regret it.. because they know he should have treated her better.
there's a good chance she will move on to better guys...but less of a chance he will move on to better women
Lol you have zero clue. I have never had an issue meeting/dating women. Shes great and I love her but "finding someone else" would not be the problem. I wish I did have a harder time meeting women and it'd be easier to be happy with the one I have.



Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using Tapatalk 2
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Old 08-14-2013, 07:51 PM
 
874 posts, read 1,149,558 times
Reputation: 1599
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
Seriously.

It's 10 lbs...not 50, not 100. Ten. Freaking. pounds. I fluctuate more than 10 lbs a week weight wise, though I am MUCH taller than his girlfriend.
I fluctuate easily 7-8lbs, too.

This thread = . Wish we could knock some sense into the girl rather than dealing with the OP.
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