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Old 08-15-2013, 08:50 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,846 posts, read 11,744,046 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan View Post
Yeah. Some muscle but also some fat.

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I didn't go through all the posts. If this was already asked, I apologize.

Is it more muscle than fat or do you think it's equal? If it's muscle then I don't see the problem unless you feel it's too much muscle for her.

It's a touchy subject, honestly. Being that your body works differently than hers, I think it would be hard suggesting a change in diet.

Like others have said, she's 19 and still changing. If she's working out a lot and still gained some fat, then could it be what she's eating? If that's the case then I think it's ok to suggest eating healthier...for both of you. If it comes out sounding like it's directed only at her then she might not be too happy.
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Old 08-15-2013, 08:52 AM
 
Location: NYC
2,427 posts, read 3,614,649 times
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dan, there's really not much you can do. telling her it's a problem would do more harm than good. if i were you, i'd try not to care. if that didn't work, i'd change my diet when i was with her - clearly she's exercising a lot, but can't eat like you do. for most people with weight gain, diet is the problem more than lack of exercise. lots of green leafy when with the GF. you can calorie load to gain mass when she's not around

good luck. sorry everyone is giving you such a hard time
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Old 08-15-2013, 08:54 AM
 
6,145 posts, read 6,857,773 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan View Post
Lol! It's not THAT big of a deal! I never said I was dumping her over it. Just wondering if there is anything I can do before it turns into 30 or 40!

I can promise you, eating how I do is NOT enjoyable either. Every day by noon I am on my FOURTH meal. I eat about half my food and just stare at it bloated and full but make myself eat it because I know that food is stopping me from being where I want to be.

If I ate "whatever" I wanted I would be 165 lbs instead of 215.

I look much better at 215 than 165, though the diet sucks.

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You said if she would just lose 10 pounds, she'd be perfect. You are obviously less attracted to her now than you were 10 pounds ago. I think that says a lot. As others have said, she's still growing and maturing and it's very easy for some women to fluctuate 5-10 pounds on any given day.

I feel your girlfriend's pain, because smaller weight gains are more noticeable on short women. However, she is not overweight and she can't be too unhealthy if she's been working out with you. If the number on the scale bothers you that much at this point, it's really just about attraction and not health. If that's a deal-breaker, then you should probably let her know. You are making assumptions that it will turn into 30-40 pounds but you really don't know that. IF it does, then it becomes a health issue but you can't force someone else to lose weight. If it bothers her, she will do something about it and all you can do is be supportive. It has been hard enough for me to tackle my weight issues, and my husband loved and was attracted to me when I was obese!

If this is a relationship you'd like to see continue long term, I think you need to realize and accept that most women's bodies will change over the years and that's normal. To expect her to stay the same size and shape as she was at 18 is not fair or realistic.

As for your eating requirements, I don't envy you.
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Old 08-15-2013, 09:13 AM
 
3,552 posts, read 4,732,256 times
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Thanks everyone for all the posts. I will try and reply to most, but do work during the day and know how threads turn into 230948320948-2 posts and I simply can't reply to all.


Quote:
Originally Posted by DR2012 View Post
I don't think there's anything you CAN do. You can't make a person do or not do something, be or not be a certain weight.
It's up to them. Still, even if you DO say something - there's no guarantee.
It's a crapshoot. There's no way of knowing for sure what she'll look like when she's older. Maybe she'll be more motivated when she's older. Or maybe not? I know some people who are really motivated when they are younger; you think they'll be forever then. Then pow one day you see them and it's like WTF happened.

Then there are people you see, well this one lady she's huge and you think that's the way it is.
Then the next year she got motivated, she lost over 100 lbs and she runs marathons, it's like wow.
And sometimes a woman has kids and it changes her. Then another woman has kids and she remains tiny.
Honestly you can't control it really, or do or say anything the guarantees you that she will remain a certain way.
I do agree here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
If she's working out and eating healthy, her BMI is normal, then the weight gain is most likely good. Women have more fat than men and like others said, at 19 years old, she's in the final stages of maturing into a woman. She could even be growing taller (when is the last time she measured her height)? Her body may continue to change into her mid 20s.

Another factor... women's weight changes with her menstruation and can also change if a women goes on or changes her birth control. It's fluid retention in those cases.

You also mentioned she weighed herself on a gym scale. I don't think those are required to be calibrated by the state. Excessive use can knock it out of calibration. She's better off tracking her weight with her doctor.

My point is, her weight gain could be anything from fluid, to the time or month, to gaining muscle. Given her active lifestyle and healthy habits, it's more likely natural, normal, and healthy.
I agree that it is some good weight for sure, but not entirely. She has definitely put on some muscle I can see in certain areas that look amazing. I do HATE girls that are skin and bones, or still skinny and just fat, with no muscle. Remember dating a girl one time that was really thin and while she had a nice "looking butt" you'd grab it, and it would be just really really soft and weird.

The 120 is consistent as does weigh herself pretty regularly. So I know she doesn't fluctuate more than a lb or two. That's just how she is. Really not a big deal about it fluctuating or anything, and like I said, 120 isn't that bad either, I just fear it could turn into a lot more.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123 View Post
I didn't go through all the posts. If this was already asked, I apologize.

Is it more muscle than fat or do you think it's equal? If it's muscle then I don't see the problem unless you feel it's too much muscle for her.

It's a touchy subject, honestly. Being that your body works differently than hers, I think it would be hard suggesting a change in diet.

Like others have said, she's 19 and still changing. If she's working out a lot and still gained some fat, then could it be what she's eating? If that's the case then I think it's ok to suggest eating healthier...for both of you. If it comes out sounding like it's directed only at her then she might not be too happy.
It's definitely some muscle. Almost tempted to post a pic but then I know everyone bigger than her would say "omg she looks amazing" haha. Her legs are improving and everything. Some really good muscle. I do think it is mostly what she's eating, however she eats pretty good. Maybe we need to cut deserts out of our dinners when we go out Saturday night? The waitresses always ask "desert?" and the gf looks at me, and I am just a sucker for some cheesecake haha. I could practice a little self control there as well.

I could also start doing more cardio. It's just hard because I leave for work at 5:30 a.m. and get home around 5 p.m. By the time we lift for an hour and a half, shower, have dinner, "maybe" watch half a movie, it's time for bed. Also, the cardio would make it harder to obtain the goals I want to achieve, but maybe it's a sacrifice I could make, or somehow manage to eat more food to offset the cardio. I was eating about 2000 calories a day of starbursts or skittles, on top of all my other food, but it really started messing with my blood sugar levels. The mass insulin spike from it was then crashing and it would cause issues, so I'm trying to continue to gain weight with a bit healthier food.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OdysseusNY View Post
dan, there's really not much you can do. telling her it's a problem would do more harm than good. if i were you, i'd try not to care. if that didn't work, i'd change my diet when i was with her - clearly she's exercising a lot, but can't eat like you do. for most people with weight gain, diet is the problem more than lack of exercise. lots of green leafy when with the GF. you can calorie load to gain mass when she's not around

good luck. sorry everyone is giving you such a hard time
Thank You

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheBeagleLady View Post
You said if she would just lose 10 pounds, she'd be perfect. You are obviously less attracted to her now than you were 10 pounds ago. I think that says a lot. As others have said, she's still growing and maturing and it's very easy for some women to fluctuate 5-10 pounds on any given day.

I feel your girlfriend's pain, because smaller weight gains are more noticeable on short women. However, she is not overweight and she can't be too unhealthy if she's been working out with you. If the number on the scale bothers you that much at this point, it's really just about attraction and not health. If that's a deal-breaker, then you should probably let her know. You are making assumptions that it will turn into 30-40 pounds but you really don't know that. IF it does, then it becomes a health issue but you can't force someone else to lose weight. If it bothers her, she will do something about it and all you can do is be supportive. It has been hard enough for me to tackle my weight issues, and my husband loved and was attracted to me when I was obese!

If this is a relationship you'd like to see continue long term, I think you need to realize and accept that most women's bodies will change over the years and that's normal. To expect her to stay the same size and shape as she was at 18 is not fair or realistic.

As for your eating requirements, I don't envy you.
In some ways, yes I am a little less attracted, however she has made some improvements as well.

I think maybe what it comes down to is I may have to sacrifice my goals some if I want things to change. Incorporating a bit more cardio possibly or something. She does love exercises, but she likes to do it with me so I think that's part of it.


Maybe I'll start making her be on top the whole time we have sex? That would be like killing two birds with one stone haha.
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Old 08-15-2013, 09:24 AM
 
5,121 posts, read 6,010,298 times
Reputation: 5809
Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan View Post
The 120 is consistent as does weigh herself pretty regularly. So I know she doesn't fluctuate more than a lb or two. That's just how she is. Really not a big deal about it fluctuating or anything, and like I said, 120 isn't that bad either, I just fear it could turn into a lot more.
If she weighs herself pretty regularly, then she is watching her body like a hawk. People who gain 20, 30, 40 pounds and get out of shape usually don't weight themselves regularly. People who watch the scale make adjustments when things start going in the wrong direction (up or down). So I wouldn't worry about it. Let her take care and maintain her own body. It sounds like she values your opinion and my guess is she will ask you if she needs help.
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Old 08-15-2013, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,846 posts, read 11,744,046 times
Reputation: 9221
Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan View Post




It's definitely some muscle. Almost tempted to post a pic but then I know everyone bigger than her would say "omg she looks amazing" haha. Her legs are improving and everything. Some really good muscle. I do think it is mostly what she's eating, however she eats pretty good. Maybe we need to cut deserts out of our dinners when we go out Saturday night? The waitresses always ask "desert?" and the gf looks at me, and I am just a sucker for some cheesecake haha. I could practice a little self control there as well.

I could also start doing more cardio. It's just hard because I leave for work at 5:30 a.m. and get home around 5 p.m. By the time we lift for an hour and a half, shower, have dinner, "maybe" watch half a movie, it's time for bed. Also, the cardio would make it harder to obtain the goals I want to achieve, but maybe it's a sacrifice I could make, or somehow manage to eat more food to offset the cardio. I was eating about 2000 calories a day of starbursts or skittles, on top of all my other food, but it really started messing with my blood sugar levels. The mass insulin spike from it was then crashing and it would cause issues, so I'm trying to continue to gain weight with a bit healthier food.
Ahhh, ok. Yes, desserts are a killer. I eat dinner late because I get home at 8-8:30 so I can't have a dessert at 9:00pm. I know it's really tempting when you're out to dinner. Maybe next time you can hint "no, thanks, I'm too full to eat anything else"

And your teeth haven't fallen out of your head from all those skittles??? LOL..yeah, stay away from that. You don't want to end up diabetic. It's hard to gain weight when you eat healthy--try protein shakes or bars. Your metabolism sounds fast like my co-worker's. He EATS and he does muscle/protein shakes. It's hard for him to gain weight too.

Try changing diets a little but make it about you too that way she doesn't feel embarrassed or upset. Tell her you want to gain weight for muscle but you want to cut out the sugars.
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Old 08-15-2013, 11:26 AM
 
2,761 posts, read 4,447,153 times
Reputation: 2999
Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan View Post
Figured I would start a thread here since I spend enough time here posting.

My gf is 19. We've been together a year and a half. Really nice girl and treats me great.

8 months ago she started working out with me. She's a pretty small girl. She's 5' and was 110 when we started dating. She is now up to 120. That's almost a 10% weight gain. I'm 215 lbs. If I gained 10% (20 lbs) that seems like a lot, to put it in perspective.

Really, if she got back down to 110 she woukd be perfect. When she picks up some cardio it seems to make a difference. However, she only does it when I ask her "are you going to run today?" We live together since I travel for work so she has more than enough time for that or adjusting her diet a little.


I know this is obviously very superficial but I work out a LOT and have for many many years and I'm in amazing shape to the point strangers even make comments on a very regular basis.

I love her to death and how she treats me, but also I just really need that physical attraction to be there as well. Thats not going to change so I'd welcome suggestions addressing the topic, not my personal views.

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You need to let this weight thing go.
Look up what healthy is for weight for a 5' woman. I guarantee 120 is not even the max on the range of 'healthy' for her size.

I am sure you have many options, so something like 5' / 120 lbs may he an issue for you. But if you really do love her, this probably shouldn't even be something you think about. But again, people with more options and history tend to be more picky. (supply and demand)

Just remember, the grass is usually greener on the other side. But once you hop that fence, there is ALWAYS some problem you didn't see through the fence.

You seem like a good guy, try not to get caught up on the extreme superficial things. If she got to 140 lbs, would you dump her? If so, then you may want to find someone else, cause weight gain, especially the type you are talking bout (10 lbs) should NOT be an issue.

Don't most women fluctuate 5-7 lbs EVERY MONTH (cycle ?) anyway?

Edit: and you do realize her body isnt done changing yet don't you ? She will gain some weight in the next few years. She is only 19, and I know very few women that don't have a minor change in their body somewhere in late teens to mid 20's. You know the freshman 15 ? A lot of that is food related, but womens bodies don't stay petite like they were as teenagers once they hit a certain age. It is simple biology....
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Old 08-15-2013, 11:35 AM
 
12,538 posts, read 13,527,760 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frihed89 View Post
Answer to the OP: You state it once, "if you don't lose weight I am going to leave you" and you walk away. Then you wait to see if any effort is made. No effort? You leave. Effort, but no weight loss: you become involved in an encouraging way. Effort + weight loss: you give her everything you have (houses, vacations, love...) and continue to be encouraging.
I'd probably gain five more pounds in response to that, just to get rid of someone douchy enough to say that. Heck, I'd gain it right in front of him by eating a sundae every night after dinner.

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Old 08-15-2013, 12:54 PM
 
6,145 posts, read 6,857,773 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
I'd probably gain five more pounds in response to that, just to get rid of someone douchy enough to say that. Heck, I'd gain it right in front of him by eating a sundae every night after dinner.

Hmmmm....I'd drop about 180-200 pounds immediately.
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Old 08-15-2013, 12:58 PM
 
14,920 posts, read 19,028,056 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post

Well, somethings just always make a girl happy.
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