How do you comment on the topic of weight gain to a SO? (loving, kids)

[mainebrokerman]

Originally Posted by OdysseusNY

first off, i actually don't think he should say anything to her either. but what i'm disagreeing with is how so many people are implying he shouldn't even notice/care/etc

it's much better to address weight gain at 10 lbs then at 30. the person who waits until 30 to notice/do anything is foolish. him worrying it might turn into more weight doesn't mean he doesn't love her. it might mean he worries a lot, or that he was a chubby teenager, that's he's a proactive guy, or a total jerk. quite a few people seem to assume the latter

i wish people would stop tossing around how she is 19 as if it necessarily mitigates it. this is many years after puberty when her metabolism is very high. the age is a red herring. almost everyone i knew who was 19 who gained weight did so because they were sad and depressed at college, adjusting to a new environment. it wasn't natural or healthy at all. you aren't a child at 19. yes some people's bodies are still changing, but some people just gain some bad weight

at any age, a 9% increase in weight is worth noticing. maybe not a big deal, but maybe not a small deal, certainly not to be ignored without even considering it

you didn't come right out and say he doesn't love her, but "reassess" surely insinuates it, and you also asked why he even bothered posting when it's quite obvious why he posted

instead of being constructive a lot of people basically just called him an a**hole right off the bat. i don't think so many people would have on a similar OP with a topic other than weight

you may be right in some aspects,,,but critiquing a woman weight, is like a woman critiquing ...a guys ..length

whatever is said,,is not forgotten..

the op said she works out regularly, and overall a great girl,,,,,,this is different,,than if she is a happy meal queen

i think the defensive position many on here take,,is that -this guy took the time to post on here-to get opinions,,,so it is bothering him..
most are saying "acceptance" on his part is more important,,than putting her down,,for just 10 lbs..

[HyperionGap]

Originally Posted by angrymillionaire

So you are living with a woman in sin, milking the cow for free & now you want her to bend over & lose weight because it makes you happy? When are you planning to marry her? Marry her first then we'll talk about her weight.

What a religious nutjob. Please go back to your cloister.

[Dewdroplet76]

Originally Posted by OdysseusNY

first off, i actually don't think he should say anything to her either. but what i'm disagreeing with is how so many people are implying he shouldn't even notice/care/etc

it's much better to address weight gain at 10 lbs then at 30. the person who waits until 30 to notice/do anything is foolish. him worrying it might turn into more weight doesn't mean he doesn't love her. it might mean he worries a lot, or that he was a chubby teenager, that's he's a proactive guy, or a total jerk. quite a few people seem to assume the latter

i wish people would stop tossing around how she is 19 as if it necessarily mitigates it. this is many years after puberty when her metabolism is very high. the age is a red herring. almost everyone i knew who was 19 who gained weight did so because they were sad and depressed at college, adjusting to a new environment. it wasn't natural or healthy at all. you aren't a child at 19. yes some people's bodies are still changing, but some people just gain some bad weight

at any age, a 9% increase in weight is worth noticing. maybe not a big deal, but maybe not a small deal, certainly not to be ignored without even considering it

you didn't come right out and say he doesn't love her, but "reassess" surely insinuates it, and you also asked why he even bothered posting when it's quite obvious why he posted

instead of being constructive a lot of people basically just called him an a**hole right off the bat. i don't think so many people would have on a similar OP with a topic other than weight

But weight is not like any other topic. It may not be fair - but it's the simple truth. When so much importance is placed on what women look like - weight becomes a sensitive subject.

And in terms of 19 being past puberty - there is still a lot of changing that a woman's body does between being a teenager and being in her 20's. It doesn't always result in weight gain - and it doesn't happen to every single woman - but most women experience a change in the shape of their body. I was a musical theatre major in college - so I saw my friends in leotards and tights every day for 4 years. Most of our bodies were not the same when we started college as when we ended college - and it wasn't all due to simple weight gain. And a lot of girls developed eating disorders around this time, too - because they had been used to having these skinny little dancer bodies and they suddenly started filling out more and they didn't like it. They still had great bodies - and some became too skinny - but their shapes were just different.

[srjth]

Originally Posted by mainebrokerman

you may be right in some aspects,,,but critiquing a woman weight, is like a woman critiquing ...a guys ..length

whatever is said,,is not forgotten..

the op said she works out regularly, and overall a great girl,,,,,,this is different,,than if she is a happy meal queen

i think the defensive position many on here take,,is that -this guy took the time to post on here-to get opinions,,,so it is bothering him..
most are saying "acceptance" on his part is more important,,than putting her down,,for just 10 lbs..

Wisdom.

[OdysseusNY]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

But weight is not like any other topic. It may not be fair - but it's the simple truth. When so much importance is placed on what women look like - weight becomes a sensitive subject.

which is exactly why my first advice to him was to try not to care (aka work it out in a way with yourself so you're comfortable with it), and why i don't think he should say anything my second advice was to simply try to adjust how he ate around her. at no point did i suggest he call her a heifer

so much of this thread have been various rephrasings of "you shouldn't care in the first place / this is completely not an issue and you are a jerk for even noticing or wanting to discuss it on a forum with other people" which is why i decided to make a case

the last thing men need are even more suggestions to keep things to ourselves or pretend they don't matter. we get this from before we learn to walk. it's not quite as ubiquitous as pressure on body image is for women, but almost. one poster even told him to "man up". wtf that has to do with anything here, i don't know

[Katnan]

She knows she's gained weight, so why the need to tell her something she already knows? There simply isn't a need for you to say anything at all.

[SD4020]

What bothers me the most about this thread is the the implication that a persons worth is contingent on their weight.

[Katnan]

Originally Posted by OdysseusNY

which is exactly why my first advice to him was to try not to care (aka work it out in a way with yourself so you're comfortable with it), and why i don't think he should say anything my second advice was to simply try to adjust how he ate around her. at no point did i suggest he call her a heifer

so much of this thread have been various rephrasings of "you shouldn't care in the first place / this is completely not an issue and you are a jerk for even noticing or wanting to discuss it on a forum with other people" which is why i decided to make a case

the last thing men need are even more suggestions to keep things to ourselves or pretend they don't matter. we get this from before we learn to walk. it's not quite as ubiquitous as pressure on body image is for women, but almost. one poster even told him to "man up". wtf that has to do with anything here, i don't know

Why does he need to add preasure to her or create body image issues by commenting on weight she knows she's gained? What purpose does it serve to comment about it? She already knows!! What many here are rankling at is he feels less attracted to a good looking young woman because of a number on the scale...which implies that who she is as a person is less imporant than weighing 110 lbs.

[OdysseusNY]

Originally Posted by Liberty2011

Why does he need to add preasure to her or create body image issues by commenting on weight she knows she's gained? What purpose does it serve to comment about it? She already knows!! What many here are rankling at is he feels less attracted to a good looking young woman because of a number on the scale...which implies that who she is as a person is less imporant than weighing 110 lbs.

it rankles with me that people are pretending a 9% increase in weight is invisible. when did he say it was the number that mattered or that she was a worse person? i assume it's a visible difference

i certainly don't feel as attractive myself when i gain that much weight and i can certainly both see and feel the difference on my body

likewise i can see it on others, usually, especially if i see them naked every single day

[OdysseusNY]

Originally Posted by Liberty2011

Why does he need to add preasure to her or create body image issues by commenting on weight she knows she's gained?

also, in the very post you quoted i said i don't think he should say anything