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Like the topics of toilet seat up/down, half-squeezed tubes of toothpaste, guys wanting to go drinking with their buddies or watch football while she wants to talk etc, shopping comes up often-times as a popular "gender wars" type of topic, & at times lately it's been a bone of contention in our marriage.
My wife, who has few if any "girlfriends," gets in these moods where she likes to shop a lot, as in the "browse" type of shopping. She may not spend a lot, which is a relief, but she still just "browses" etc a LOT at times, and frankly it's highly annoying. I describe my style of shopping as being like you just received a PA announcement that a bomb has been found in the building & you must evacuate immediately. It is not uncommon for me to be in & out of a store in 2 minutes, and I'm talking a GROCERY store, not a convenience store. If I'm in there 10 minutes, for me that's long & it means I probably have $120 worth of food I've accumulated (vs $10-30 in the 2-5 minute scenario). I know what I want, I know where it is, I go get it & I get the flying freak out of there. I sometimes even downright jog in the store vs just walking, or I walk really fast. Hanging around in a store is like ancient medieval torture for me.
Frankly, while I know marriage is a two-way street, I have NO interest in the "browse around" mode of shopping, and I mean NONE. Zero. Zilch. If I do it once in 853 years I've done it one time too many. I don't even "browse" for Christmas shopping. My mother-in-law once mentioned liking the movie "Holiday Inn" I believe (an Irvin Berlin Christmas classic from the 40s if I got my names straight), I was riding with her in her vehicle when she mentioned this--at a stop light, I purchased one for $7 "Buy It Now" on eBay using my phone, even paying for it. She never noticed. It took me maybe 6 minutes total. Maybe 3 days later, it was waiting for me at the PO box, which incidentally is right on the way home, and I mean right THERE on the road. Even if I have to go to the PO box as a special trip to pick up something (commonly with such shipment they'll send me a delivery confirmation so I know it's arrived & otherwise I may not even check the mail), the PO box is only 2 miles from the house, with no stop lights, stop signs or even any turns the entire way. I once even road my bike to pick up a shipment I knew had arrived.
THAT is how I shop. It is the only way I want to shop, EVER.
If I "browse" any, which is seldom (I like electronics stores like Best Buy), I will do so on my OWN time when my wife is doing something else & it thus doesn't create stress for her. I otherwise "browse" by reading articles & such online at home or reading on the phone wherever we are. I do NOT drag my wife for hours of shopping in Best Buy or Radio Shack, I do my research online, buy it on eBay or Amazon & it's shipped to our PO Box. DONE. I may buy on Craigslist but even then I mix it in with trips such as going out to eat etc, so that we're eating while waiting & also not making an extra trip somewhere else--it's over & done with very fast. Or, if I buy at Best Buy or Radio Shack, something for me--again, even then I've done my research ahead of time & I know what I want, and I'm in/out faster than a hiccup.
I have told my wife I wish she'd meet some girlfriends and go shopping with them when the mood strikes her, or just go by herself, but to not DARE do so when I'm with her, and even if she is with friends or alone, to not go shopping frequently, such as (say) twice a week or such during our only free time we have. It would make much more sense for us to spend our free time doing things such as, say, going to the lake or the park or have a "date night" where someone watches the kids & we go out to eat then go play putt-putt or see a movie etc.
Whenever I have had the chance to, say, go hiking or cycling or enjoying the lakes, typically by myself, I can't tell you how many times I say to myself "wow, now THIS is what living is, not going to WalMart or to the mall every 2.5 nanoseconds." I can't help but think--why can't the wife get interested in THESE sorts of things? I didn't get married so I could spend half my time in freaking WalMart or shopping malls. I mean, if you're going to "browse," why not "browse" the hiking scenery--the lake, the canyons, the sunsets, cycling & seeing the scenery at a slower pace vs a car as you do so, etc. It sure beats browsing in a store, what's the point or the fun in any of that?
Nope, I am not a shopper or much of a browser but when I am with my husband we are together and we do not rush through anything. He is gone for weeks at a time working sometimes and the more time we spend together, no matter what we are doing is that much more time we have spent together. It is part of being in a relationship and accepting the fact that your spouse is not you and does not do things the way you do.
Yes, but I'm a girl. I hate shopping or looking at things "just because." Spending money actually makes me sick to my stomach. I do the same thing while grocery shopping, I give myself a time limit and try and spend the least amount of time in there. I also walk as fast as possible and I think making it into a contest alleviates the fact I have to shop, if not a little. I also like to shop early in the morning or late at night to avoid people being in the way so I can't race through as easily, haha!
I don't like to shop with people who are "shoppers." I actually get a weird allergic reaction while shopping with my mom, she likes to shop. I feel like I'm going to pass out, or I need to lay down and fall asleep when I first walk in.
I know I'm not a typical woman. I hate "stuff." The older I get the less I want and I want everything to be simple and uncluttered, or to serve a purpose.
I also love nature and being outside. In fact I get depressed if I don't get to go on my nightly "sunset" walk every evening. That is the most perfect moment of the day!
Yes, but I'm a girl. I hate shopping or looking at things "just because." Spending money actually makes me sick to my stomach. I do the same thing while grocery shopping, I give myself a time limit and try and spend the least amount of time in there.
I don't like to shop with people who are "shoppers." I actually get a weird allergic reaction while shopping with my mom, she likes to shop. I feel like I'm going to pass out, or I need to lay down and fall asleep when I first walk in.
I know I'm not a typical woman. I hate "stuff." The older I get the less I want and I want everything to be simple and uncluttered, or to serve a purpose.
You sound like me. It just gets boring quickly for me. I don't derive as much pleasure from it as I think I should. I never have.
Why does she need you to go with her? And why are you agreeing to it?
I like to shop, my husband is much like you. I RARELY invite him along. Even when we are looking for a "together purchase" like furniture or a car. I browse and hunt until I find what I want and then sometimes he come to give the thumbs up...but most of the time he couldn't care less.
Just tell her you have no interest in walking around the store.
This is SUCH a minor problem in the grand scheme of things, OP! You said she doesn't spend much, if anything, she just likes to browse. So what's the harm in it? Maybe that's her way of relaxing. Does she force you to go along with her? If not, what's the complaint, exactly? SO many guys would love to be in your shoes, where that's the only complaint in the relationship. If she does drag you along, politely decline, and spend the afternoon hiking. She can have her hobby, you can have yours.
I definitely agree with you that there should be date nights, though. That's important for the health of the relationship. It sounds like maybe you two need to sit down and develop a time budget, a schedule where each of you gets to do your hobbies (coordinate so that her shopping is concurrent with your hiking or fishing), but there's still time for an occasional date night. Tell her your idea of "quality time" together is when you can snuggle up to her (like in a theater, as opposed to Wal-Mart), or give her your undivided attention (as in: dinner together), and explain that you can't do these things in the middle of Macy's or Wal-Mart. See if that pushes the right buttons. Tell her that puttering around the store isn't romantic enough for you, and you're hurting.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 08-15-2013 at 12:59 AM..
I relate that y'all don't seem compatible.
Like my ex enjoyed peeing in a deep squat in the woods and I like 5 star hotels (luckily, so does my spouse).
But if it's once in a while and she doesn't spend any money, will it kill you to do something she enjoys?
BTW, I am like you - mission shopping only. Go in, get it, pay, leave. My wife is 100% the same way - only worse. She even hates the grocery store.
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That is the most perfect moment of the day!
