Six months now... (dating, wife, married, women)

[flathead4]

And I'm technically still in the same predicament I was in then. Granted I've picked myself up, which was not easy. Or maybe I've just patched over the facade that had crumbled. My first post on CDR was made when I was at the lowest I had ever been in life. Two days after, had me facing a decision which would have had, let's say, repercussions. Instead, I celebrated the worst birthday ever with the one of the best steaks I've had. An odd mix of sensations. I'd rather not revisit that, but I can't deny the reasons for that time are still present.

Since then I've tried to fix some things. I've concentrated more on a healthy diet and started some morning exercise to begin improving my health. A new bike is in the works (cardio!). I began discussing things with my best friend to try and get some perspective. I've attended a few Meetups (going on a hiking get together tomorrow) to work on socializing some more. I've put up a profile to try OLD.

As a recap, I work based from home, and frequently travel out of town most weeks. I have no regular work schedule. Establishing a routine is impossible. My choice to live in a small town was a horrible one, which I readily acknowledge. My best friend and his wife know one single woman who they tried to set me up with. While I was not attracted to her, I agreed to meet over at his house for dinner and to be sociable and try and chat her up. I didn't have much luck trying to get a conversation going. He later acknowledged that and they gave her some flak for it. I'm sure she may not have been attracted to me, which is perfectly reasonable. I don't have any other friends my age. OLD is a cross between waste of time and sick joke. Expecting people to use it as it was meant to be is apparently expecting too much.

I had hoped to just get one date by now. Something to build off of. My interactions with the opposite sex are very limited. I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out the where and how of meeting women. All I keep coming up with is . My hobbies tend to be solitary pursuits, so no luck on that front. I've been considering a move a couple of states away to an area with a larger population but that presents it's own challenges (in the move and in dating). I think my current job, in addition to my reticence to engage strangers in "chit-chat" might just be my largest hindrances.

I do have my standards and I must recognize that they do limit me. More so in the Midwest I think. Single, no children, reasonably intelligent, average attractiveness, and (for the one which will garner caustic remarks I'm sure) not fat. I guess this boils down to the usual where and how of meeting women. I have no idea.

Anyways, thanks for listening to me ramble.

[cashrulez]

Originally Posted by flathead4

I do have my standards and I must recognize that they do limit me. More so in the Midwest I think. Single, no children, reasonably intelligent, average attractiveness, and (for the one which will garner caustic remarks I'm sure) not fat. I guess this boils down to the usual where and how of meeting women. I have no idea.

Anyways, thanks for listening to me ramble.

Yeah, that's a tough sitch. I'm in a small town too, although it sounds like there's more potential dates here than what you have. I guess all I can really tell you is to focus more on the relationships you do have. Because what we all need is social interaction of some kind, even if it's not from a pretty lady. If I were you, I think I'd hit the local bars and try to make some friends. Often friendships can lead to introductions to ladies.

Also, maybe consider relocating to a more populated area.

[DaniellaG]

I have never lived in a small town but is there a bar or restaurant people hang out at? On meet up is there a singles group in your area? What about online dating?

[flathead4]

There are a total of 10 or 11 Meetups in the region. Two of which interest me. I've already commented on OLD.

[cashrulez]

Originally Posted by flathead4

There are a total of 10 or 11 Meetups in the region. Two of which interest me. I've already commented on OLD.

So what about moving somewhere else?

[Prince_Frog]

Hey at at least you had some friends who know of 1 woman who is single. I know many married couples and all of them don't know ANY!

Or, that's just what they tell me, since they probably know that there friends would have no interest in me.

[Atlguy39]

I get it ma. 4 years ago, I almost made a decision which would have had irreversible repercussions. I was unemployed and going through a divorce. Life was pretty much over for me. Fast forward 4 years and I've recovered my career, but am utterly alone in a new city, which is much smaller than Atlanta. Professionally, I have my life back, but personally, I've never recovered from the divorce. I have recovered emotionally, but now life is just empty. There's a huge void.

The culture here is to get married right after school and start having kids. So the dating pool for me is single mothers with 3 kids. I can't do it. You and I have the SAME standards. Not that I'm entitled to it, but I'm looking for a woman with above average intelligence and attractiveness. I'm in shape, so I want that as well. I have a good job now and I want to have my own family. Not going to happen here in Oklahoma City, but I have no intention of leaving because my job is too good. Add to that being shy and introverted, and finding someone to date, much less marry and have a family with just seems hopeless. Speaking for myself, I've given up on dating. So you are not the only one!

[cashrulez]

pretty sure OP would love to have the kind of dating pool you have in OKC. can't believe you're actually complaining that there's no single women there. wow, just wow. are you wanting someone to come to you house and literally drop off single women for you to peruse? get with the program, man.

[Atlguy39]

Originally Posted by cashrulez

pretty sure OP would love to have the kind of dating pool you have in OKC. can't believe you're actually complaining that there's no single women there. wow, just wow. are you wanting someone to come to you house and literally drop off single women for you to peruse? get with the program, man.

You obviously know nothing about this city. The demographics are very unfavorable for the single, middle- aged male. Its a family oriented city (great if I was married like I want to be) with very few singles that meet my basic criteria (30-40, no kids, want kids). Yes, they need to be what I would define as attractive (in shape, good complexion, and preferably brunette) and educated. But even with that, it shouldn't be this hard. Trust me, it is.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by flathead4

my reticence to engage strangers in "chit-chat" might just be my largest hindrances.

Lose the reticence to chat up strangers. Push yourself out of your shell, and just start being neighborly in the store, coffeeshop, talking a walk around the block. In small towns, often there's a custom of at least greeting and acknowledging people you pass on the street. Start with that. Chat up the staff at the grocery store. Expand from there gradually to women.

With online dating, try looking in the next larger town in your area. I don't know what you mean by--moving would be challenging, especially with dating. How would dating in a new (and larger) town/dating pool be any more difficult than it is now? And if you work from home,and travel regularly on business, what difference would it make if you moved?

On your business trips, also be friendly with people. Maybe try to set up a date in advance for an evening at one of your business destinations. It'll give you practice socializing, will (hopefully) help you pass the time pleasantly, and at some point, you just may hit it off with someone. If that happens, a move would really be worthwhile!

Chin up, step by step, one day at a time. The main thing is to come out of your shell and get comfortable chatting with people. Good luck!