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08-20-2013, 08:39 AM
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4,218 posts, read 7,025,999 times
Reputation: 5367
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I'm dating someone who doesn't listen/forgets/isn't paying attention to a degree that I can't even comprehend.
What to do when you tell them you are doing something a specific day or time and they forget-let it go.
What if you are doing something the same day and time every week and they still forget-kind of irritating.
What if you are doing something the same day and time for 6 months and they can never remember?
At what point do you think something is truly wrong with a person?
I am in grad school and I work full time. I have class the same day and same time for months on end, yet he never seems to remember, asks me to do stuff (get's irritated when he realizes he forgot I am doing X), makes dinner plans completely not remembering I have class (the same day and time I have for months-it never changes).
Also, I will tell him repeatedly I am going on vacation, have a girls night planned, am dog/house sitting and he can never seem to remember, no matter how many times I tell him or how far in advance.
I don't know what to do. Any advice?
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08-20-2013, 08:47 AM
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Location: State of Transition
98,697 posts, read 97,210,976 times
Reputation: 110109
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Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185
I'm dating someone who doesn't listen/forgets/isn't paying attention to a degree that I can't even comprehend.
What to do when you tell them you are doing something a specific day or time and they forget-let it go.
What if you are doing something the same day and time every week and they still forget-kind of irritating.
What if you are doing something the same day and time for 6 months and they can never remember?
At what point do you think something is truly wrong with a person?
I am in grad school and I work full time. I have class the same day and same time for months on end, yet he never seems to remember, asks me to do stuff (get's irritated when he realizes he forgot I am doing X), makes dinner plans completely not remembering I have class (the same day and time I have for months-it never changes).
Also, I will tell him repeatedly I am going on vacation, have a girls night planned, am dog/house sitting and he can never seem to remember, no matter how many times I tell him or how far in advance.
I don't know what to do. Any advice?
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You can either spend the rest of your life beating your head against a wall, or let him go and look for someone who doesn't have odd memory problems. Or you could post your schedule on his wall. I don't think that would help, though.
btw, a good, functioning memory is key to intelligence. |
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08-20-2013, 09:24 AM
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15,015 posts, read 20,612,586 times
Reputation: 12311
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Give him some gingko biloba?
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08-20-2013, 09:46 AM
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Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,955 posts, read 16,152,860 times
Reputation: 30209
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Possible ADHD
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08-20-2013, 10:02 AM
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2,759 posts, read 4,757,881 times
Reputation: 3012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185
I'm dating someone who doesn't listen/forgets/isn't paying attention to a degree that I can't even comprehend.
What to do when you tell them you are doing something a specific day or time and they forget-let it go.
What if you are doing something the same day and time every week and they still forget-kind of irritating.
What if you are doing something the same day and time for 6 months and they can never remember?
At what point do you think something is truly wrong with a person?
I am in grad school and I work full time. I have class the same day and same time for months on end, yet he never seems to remember, asks me to do stuff (get's irritated when he realizes he forgot I am doing X), makes dinner plans completely not remembering I have class (the same day and time I have for months-it never changes).
Also, I will tell him repeatedly I am going on vacation, have a girls night planned, am dog/house sitting and he can never seem to remember, no matter how many times I tell him or how far in advance.
I don't know what to do. Any advice?
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The guy doesnt care about your schedule. That's the point, he is so self absorbed, your classes and schedule mean very little to him.
I'd say this guy has a good deal. You are extremely busy, and yet you get to hang out consistently.
I guess if casual is all you want, and with your schedule, it isnt surprising, then just call a spade a spade. But you are probably wasting your time if you talk to the guy much outside of hanging out with him.
There are no memory issues here with the guy. No one is this forgetful. He flat out doesnt care to remember. |
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08-20-2013, 10:10 AM
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606 posts, read 864,466 times
Reputation: 1267
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Maybe he has ADHD. Someone I'm close to has similar issues. It's not that he doesn't care, he just can't remember. It is annoying at times, he has tried to change it, but he still has difficulty. I have a calendar on gmail that I use for all my stuff because I to can easily forget things I shouldn't. I've set it to share with him so all the stuff I need him to know, he gets reminders to his phone. It's helped a lot.
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08-20-2013, 12:58 PM
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3,492 posts, read 5,862,458 times
Reputation: 9970
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Either he's (a) a self-absorbed jerk or (b) he has ADHD. If a, then good luck making a decent relationship with him. If b, then suggest he get a diagnosis and medication. If he won't do that, then good luck making a decent relationship with him.  |
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08-20-2013, 01:43 PM
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Location: Gaston, South Carolina
15,549 posts, read 8,433,828 times
Reputation: 17142
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Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185
I don't know what to do. Any advice?
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Leave him sticky notes? |
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08-20-2013, 01:49 PM
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Location: Pittsburgh
28,246 posts, read 31,134,619 times
Reputation: 70201
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
You can either spend the rest of your life beating your head against a wall, or let him go and look for someone who doesn't have odd memory problems. Or you could post your schedule on his wall. I don't think that would help, though.
btw, a good, functioning memory is key to intelligence.
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I'm wondering if he shows this kind of memory lapse for other things. It's driven me crazy in the past when a guy has "forgotten" something I've told him at least five times, but can easily remember obscure statistics about his favorite team or quote the entire script from his favorite movie, and can otherwise function perfectly as an adult and an employee. The notion that anything that doesn't involve him isn't worth paying attention to can be infuriating. |
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08-20-2013, 01:58 PM
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11,865 posts, read 16,356,004 times
Reputation: 20071
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Do you think he's doing it even though he knows you're indisposed?
I've had some guy friends to play that game. They will offer to go do something with you even though they know you're busy so it looks like they're trying. And then they go out with their guy friends. lol
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