Should I try to get in touch with him? (dating, long-term, how to)

[NolitaAvenue]

Please, do not judge me. I just want some constructive criticism/help as I am having a hard time putting this in perspective. Thank you.

I met this bartender online back in April. We talked for about a month before finally meeting up. The meet up was great so before we parted ways, he asked me out. I agreed. He kept initiating contact afterwards.

He texts me to plan a date. We plan it. Fine. Two days before the date, he sends me text asking to reschedule because he's going on an impromptu trip with his friends. Fine, I agree. I'm interested so whatever. Yet, he kept texting me all night the night we were supposed to go on a date.

A week later, he plans a lunch date. I text him the day before so we can arrange a specific place. I don't hear from him at all. The day we're supposed to meet, I text him telling him I made other plans since I didn't hear from him. I didn't offer to reschedule because I was annoyed. He responds within the minute, apologizes profusely and asks to reschedule. Apparently he sometimes cannot get any signal at work. Fine, we'll reschedule.

Last attempt, he asks me for drinks. Then a few hours later, he sends me a text at like 3am to tell me he cannot make it because he's got a product to promote for a company at this cocktail party. Hum, yeah - Have fun!

I stopped texting him for like 3 weeks. He didn't bother texting me either. Then I decide to text him just to ask what's up. He responds blah blah. I later tell him he should have told me he's not interested in meeting up again. He swears he is, it's just work getting in the way. At that point I'm over it, I tell him it's best we stop talking because he clearly has a lot going on and I don't chasing people (this part was uncalled for). He never responded.


Now I'm facing a dilemma - It's been two months since I cut him off. I've been dating and all, but I'm still very much interested in him. Call me crazy. Hence, I want to try to get in touch with him but I'm embarrassed by my own behavior. He's going to think I'm a lunatic when in reality, I just felt the timing was off for both of us. Keep in mind he's a bartender and I'm a student so our schedules are polar opposites.

How can I try to get in touch with him and ask him out without sounding completely insane?

Thank you,

[erjunkee]

My strongest suggestion is that you move on.

Only you know the intricate details of your situation, but based simply off of what you wrote, it seems as if he honestly isn't interested. I do understand that things come up, and sometimes people need to reschedule. I get that. I also get that phone receptions wax and wane, and in general, can be unreliable. But objectively speaking, he's give several reasons for needing to reschedule. One thing I've learned is that if someone is interested in you, they'll MAKE TIME to spend time with you, especially in the initial stages of a relationship.

I honestly don't think he's genuinely interested...at least not in terms of developing anything serious and long-term. But that's just my 2 cents.

[FutureDays]

Read the following article- I hate to say this but you are probably being maintained for a possible future option, or you are someone to feel the void when he is bored and has nothing else to do. If he was interested you wouldn't have to ask.

"
But every time Karen agreed to dinner, Michael would tell her about his really busy month at work, delaying the need to schedule a real date. Then he would never follow up.
This faux relationship wasn't going anywhere and Karen was left feeling confused and frustrated about Michael's intentions.
These sporadic texts weren't even about sex -- Michael never proposed any sort of rendezvous. And Karen's motivation was certainly not friendship. "I have enough friends," she said.
"He's not even trying to sleep with me. What's the point of all this?"
I told her, "Karen you're being e-maintained."

Yashar Ali: Are You Being E-Maintained? What His Texts Really Mean

[librarySue]

To us you don't sound insane, you just sound like a person who wasn't paying attention to the way he was treating you the first time around.

[lastwomanstanding]

Two different questions: should you NO!

But what you really want to know is how can you? The answer is just do it. Maybe say hello, how have you been and then tell him you will be a certain place at a certain day and time and it would be cool if he wants to show up. From there you could suggest specific plans depending on what he says.

But honestly, he doesn't sound too interested. I hate to say that to you but again "should I?" NO . . .

[funymann]

Originally Posted by NolitaAvenue

Please, do not judge me. I just want some constructive criticism/help as I am having a hard time putting this in perspective. Thank you.

I met this bartender online back in April. We talked for about a month before finally meeting up. The meet up was great so before we parted ways, he asked me out. I agreed. He kept initiating contact afterwards.

He texts me to plan a date. We plan it. Fine. Two days before the date, he sends me text asking to reschedule because he's going on an impromptu trip with his friends. Fine, I agree. I'm interested so whatever. Yet, he kept texting me all night the night we were supposed to go on a date.

A week later, he plans a lunch date. I text him the day before so we can arrange a specific place. I don't hear from him at all. The day we're supposed to meet, I text him telling him I made other plans since I didn't hear from him. I didn't offer to reschedule because I was annoyed. He responds within the minute, apologizes profusely and asks to reschedule. Apparently he sometimes cannot get any signal at work. Fine, we'll reschedule.

Last attempt, he asks me for drinks. Then a few hours later, he sends me a text at like 3am to tell me he cannot make it because he's got a product to promote for a company at this cocktail party. Hum, yeah - Have fun!

I stopped texting him for like 3 weeks. He didn't bother texting me either. Then I decide to text him just to ask what's up. He responds blah blah. I later tell him he should have told me he's not interested in meeting up again. He swears he is, it's just work getting in the way. At that point I'm over it, I tell him it's best we stop talking because he clearly has a lot going on and I don't chasing people (this part was uncalled for). He never responded.


Now I'm facing a dilemma - It's been two months since I cut him off. I've been dating and all, but I'm still very much interested in him. Call me crazy. Hence, I want to try to get in touch with him but I'm embarrassed by my own behavior. He's going to think I'm a lunatic when in reality, I just felt the timing was off for both of us. Keep in mind he's a bartender and I'm a student so our schedules are polar opposites.

How can I try to get in touch with him and ask him out without sounding completely insane?

Thank you,

Let it go.

You are only going to make yourself look bad.

Delete his number that way you will not be tempted.

[Tele-Cat]

Originally Posted by NolitaAvenue

How can I try to get in touch with him and ask him out without sounding completely insane?

Thank you,

You can't.

You're welcome.

[purehuman]

Originally Posted by NolitaAvenue

How can I try to get in touch with him and ask him out without sounding completely insane?

Thank you,

You won't sound completely insane...just completely desperate.

[ocnjgirl]

Originally Posted by NolitaAvenue

Please, do not judge me. I just want some constructive criticism/help as I am having a hard time putting this in perspective. Thank you.

I met this bartender online back in April. We talked for about a month before finally meeting up. The meet up was great so before we parted ways, he asked me out. I agreed. He kept initiating contact afterwards.

He texts me to plan a date. We plan it. Fine. Two days before the date, he sends me text asking to reschedule because he's going on an impromptu trip with his friends. Fine, I agree. I'm interested so whatever. Yet, he kept texting me all night the night we were supposed to go on a date.

A week later, he plans a lunch date. I text him the day before so we can arrange a specific place. I don't hear from him at all. The day we're supposed to meet, I text him telling him I made other plans since I didn't hear from him. I didn't offer to reschedule because I was annoyed. He responds within the minute, apologizes profusely and asks to reschedule. Apparently he sometimes cannot get any signal at work. Fine, we'll reschedule.

Last attempt, he asks me for drinks. Then a few hours later, he sends me a text at like 3am to tell me he cannot make it because he's got a product to promote for a company at this cocktail party. Hum, yeah - Have fun!

I stopped texting him for like 3 weeks. He didn't bother texting me either. Then I decide to text him just to ask what's up. He responds blah blah. I later tell him he should have told me he's not interested in meeting up again. He swears he is, it's just work getting in the way. At that point I'm over it, I tell him it's best we stop talking because he clearly has a lot going on and I don't chasing people (this part was uncalled for). He never responded.


Now I'm facing a dilemma - It's been two months since I cut him off. I've been dating and all, but I'm still very much interested in him. Call me crazy. Hence, I want to try to get in touch with him but I'm embarrassed by my own behavior. He's going to think I'm a lunatic when in reality, I just felt the timing was off for both of us. Keep in mind he's a bartender and I'm a student so our schedules are polar opposites.

How can I try to get in touch with him and ask him out without sounding completely insane?

Thank you,

Sweetie, this man is showing you who he is, please believe him. He has shown you he doesn't value or respect you, why on earth would you contact him to volunteer for more? We teach people how to treat us, it took me too many years to learn this. Next time one reschedule is fine (although I think his reason was lame, to me it sounded like "something better came along") but after the next one you should have shut the door and firmly. Demand to be treated with respect, from a man who clearly and consistently pursues you, and you will meet the guy who will fall in love with you and treat you the way you deserve.

[NolitaAvenue]

Maybe. I don't understand why he even asked me out if he was not interested in the first place.