Popping the question end of this month, few concerns... (dating, wife, long-term)
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I doubt anything listed would deter me from at least trying but I'd like feedback.
Few "issues", I feel that I'm just being ridiculous about most of these but I'd like a second opinion:
We are both very stubborn. We argued far more than normal in the beginning but things seem to have leveled out a bit. She still gets upset over things neither of us can control, like the fact that I've dated (EVER). She's younger (23-29) and seems far more insecure about things I'd never think twice to be upset about. I can deal with this as I'm use to it now but I've always dated women a few years my senior and this was never an issue.
She's extremely possessive, to the point that if I'm not allowed to have any female friends, female coworkers are only allowed to discuss work related issues and aren't allowed to communicate with me outside of work unless its work related. Again, not a HUGE deal but I do have a friendly personality and the environment I work in is more family/friend oriented (small oil and gas exploration company) and some people I've known for 5+ years. Not sure what to think about this as she's said repeatedly that she shes no point in friends when we have each other. Not sure what to think about that statement. I do feel fortunate that a woman can be so in to someone that they would want to be with them 24/7.
She's kinda sloppy with the PDA. Full blown making out in public, always. Groping, kissing, always needing to have physical contact with me. Seems as if she's constantly marking her territory. Not sure if this is normal as its the first time I've experienced this. I engage most times but there are moments when its obvious she's just being immature about it.
She has the expectation that I should always pay for dates/dinner/outing etc...again not a huge issue but I let it be known that I believe relationships are 50/50 once married. Once we get to that point in which we are living under one roof and saving for the coveted 20% mortgage down payment, IRA, savings, etc... I'm hoping she gets on the same page. She never asks for expensive gifts, but expects me to get her small things whenever I go shopping (flowers, small gifts baskets, clothing items if I happen to buy myself some). She's spoiled a bit thanks to her family. I'd just hate to be the guy that has to pay for everything while she just hoards her money. I don't see this as equal, not saying she will but if anyone has experienced this please provide your opinion.
She over analyzes EVERYTHING and blows EVERYTHING out of proportion. She gets upset, argues while I sit in silence or patiently try to plea my case. I seem to be apologizing a lot for things I didn't know were upsetting to her. She has emotional outburst quite often and I'm learning to just coddle her and deal with it during these moments. Never have let her run over me per se but I'm developing the ability to sense when to be stern and when to accommodate her emotional instabilities. "This is ALL women son" - my dad...but ladies please give me insight as to why this is, if you happen to be someone of this nature.
Because its long distance we literally talk all day, everyday. This is not exhausting to me but I'm afraid that once we're together we may lose that dynamic and not have as much to talk about. THIS IS BY FAR MY MOST SIGNIFICANT FEAR. I enjoy our conversations and want to remain communicative with her but I fear we may lose this once under one roof.
I'm moving to her (Houston to Dallas), shes not moving to me. I'll POSSIBLY be taking a paycut (not smart in the eyes of many) but it will be an opportunity to branch out career wise and eventually grow into a much more robust field and more money in the next 3-4 years (DevOps Architect, hopefully). I agreed to this as to not force her daughter into a new environment and to not be away from her dad.
Those in successful, long-term relationships that may have started off as we are, what are some pointers in keeping each other happy? I'm a loner for the most part as is she so I don't see much of an issue but admittedly I'm nervous, nervous about the financial loss of a failed marriage (shouldn't think that way but I can't help it), about the heartache I'll endure should it not work out. Guess I'm just paranoid.
This is a case for moving in together before popping the question. Yes, some of the issues are normal, everyone argues at some point and it could be over little trivial things (but don't tell her that). But you need to be sure that you're both on the same page on any critical issues, that is, any that would be a deal breaker when first dating, finances being the biggest.
OK, why exactly are you asking her to marry you again? I know you came here with concerns, but at no point did you talk about the why. Her possesive nature would be a real turn off for me. How long have you known her? How long has it been long distance? When you think of not marrying her, does it make you almost sick to your stomach the thought of hernot being in your life? You say you have concerns, I call those issues and when I thought about asking my future wife to marry me, I had none of them -- just the sound of my inner voice saying, "Hell, yeah, Joe! Do it!"
Marriage won't make these issues go away, it will only just amplify them and add more complexity. Read through your post and ask yourself if you can deal with these things for the REST of your LIFE.
Take it from someone who did long distance and got engaged: the problems will grow 10 fold when you're in the same place. Do not ask her to marry until you've seen what happens when you get there...
She still gets upset over things neither of us can control, like the fact that I've dated (EVER). She's younger (23-29) and seems far more insecure about things I'd never think twice to be upset about. I can deal with this as I'm use to it nowbut I've always dated women a few years my senior and this was never an issue.
She's extremely possessive, to the point that if I'm not allowed to have any female friends, female coworkers are only allowed to discuss work related issues and aren't allowed to communicate with me outside of work unless its work related. Again, not a HUGE deal but I do have a friendly personality and the environment I work in is more family/friend oriented (small oil and gas exploration company) and some people I've known for 5+ years. Not sure what to think about this as she's said repeatedly that she shes no point in friends when we have each other. Not sure what to think about that statement. I do feel fortunate that a woman can be so in to someone that they would want to be with them 24/7.
She's kinda sloppy with the PDA. Full blown making out in public, always. Groping, kissing, always needing to have physical contact with me. Seems as if she's constantly marking her territory. Not sure if this is normal as its the first time I've experienced this. I engage most times but there are moments when its obvious she's just being immature about it.
She has the expectation that I should always pay for dates/dinner/outing etc...again not a huge issue but I let it be known that I believe relationships are 50/50 once married. Once we get to that point in which we are living under one roof and saving for the coveted 20% mortgage down payment, IRA, savings, etc... I'm hoping she gets on the same page. She never asks for expensive gifts, but expects me to get her small things whenever I go shopping (flowers, small gifts baskets, clothing items if I happen to buy myself some). She's spoiled a bit thanks to her family. I'd just hate to be the guy that has to pay for everything while she just hoards her money. I don't see this as equal, not saying she will but if anyone has experienced this please provide your opinion.
She over analyzes EVERYTHING and blows EVERYTHING out of proportion. She gets upset, argues while I sit in silence or patiently try to plea my case. I seem to be apologizing a lot for things I didn't know were upsetting to her. She has emotional outburst quite often and I'm learning to just coddle her and deal with it during these moments. Never have let her run over me per se but I'm developing the ability to sense when to be stern and when to accommodate her emotional instabilities. "This is ALL women son" - my dad...but ladies please give me insight as to why this is, if you happen to be someone of this nature.
Because its long distance we literally talk all day, everyday. This is not exhausting to me but I'm afraid that once we're together we may lose that dynamic and not have as much to talk about. THIS IS BY FAR MY MOST SIGNIFICANT FEAR. I enjoy our conversations and want to remain communicative with her but I fear we may lose this once under one roof.
I'm moving to her (Houston to Dallas), shes not moving to me. I'll POSSIBLY be taking a paycut (not smart in the eyes of many) but it will be an opportunity to branch out career wise and eventually grow into a much more robust field and more money in the next 3-4 years (DevOps Architect, hopefully). I agreed to this as to not force her daughter into a new environment and to not be away from her dad.
Those in successful, long-term relationships that may have started off as we are, what are some pointers in keeping each other happy? I'm a loner for the most part as is she so I don't see much of an issue but admittedly I'm nervous, nervous about the financial loss of a failed marriage (shouldn't think that way but I can't help it), about the heartache I'll endure should it not work out. Guess I'm just paranoid.
After reading your post, I have no idea why you would want to propose to this girl. She sounds like a 15-year-old!
The phrases in bold are "her" problems that you will not be able to overcome.
The phrases in red are YOUR problems that you need to be wary of.
The phrase in blue is the kiss of death.
DO NOT PROPOSE, and do not move to be near her. Taking a PAY CUT??? What is wrong with you??
She sounds pretty immature to me. Also sounds like she suffers from low self esteem. She sounds clingy. If that's what you like and it doesn't bother you like you say, then like it and stop complaining. If it's not what you like, tell her and deal with it. Don't make the mistake of thinking you can "change" her, because only she can change, and for herself. Don't make the mistake of thinking "Once we're together it'll get better" It's not. You didn't say how long you have been dating, and why you chose to move to another city making less money. If the cost of living is lower than where you live now, then that's ok. Sounds to me like you just need to get to know each other better. Either you'll love her even more and willing to go through the fire and rain with her, or you won't and need to move on.
I doubt anything listed would deter me from at least trying but I'd like feedback.
Few "issues", I feel that I'm just being ridiculous about most of these but I'd like a second opinion:
We are both very stubborn. We argued far more than normal in the beginning but things seem to have leveled out a bit. She still gets upset over things neither of us can control, like the fact that I've dated (EVER). She's younger (23-29) and seems far more insecure about things I'd never think twice to be upset about. I can deal with this as I'm use to it now but I've always dated women a few years my senior and this was never an issue.
She's extremely possessive, to the point that if I'm not allowed to have any female friends, female coworkers are only allowed to discuss work related issues and aren't allowed to communicate with me outside of work unless its work related. Again, not a HUGE deal but I do have a friendly personality and the environment I work in is more family/friend oriented (small oil and gas exploration company) and some people I've known for 5+ years. Not sure what to think about this as she's said repeatedly that she shes no point in friends when we have each other. Not sure what to think about that statement. I do feel fortunate that a woman can be so in to someone that they would want to be with them 24/7.
She's kinda sloppy with the PDA. Full blown making out in public, always. Groping, kissing, always needing to have physical contact with me. Seems as if she's constantly marking her territory. Not sure if this is normal as its the first time I've experienced this. I engage most times but there are moments when its obvious she's just being immature about it.
She has the expectation that I should always pay for dates/dinner/outing etc...again not a huge issue but I let it be known that I believe relationships are 50/50 once married. Once we get to that point in which we are living under one roof and saving for the coveted 20% mortgage down payment, IRA, savings, etc... I'm hoping she gets on the same page. She never asks for expensive gifts, but expects me to get her small things whenever I go shopping (flowers, small gifts baskets, clothing items if I happen to buy myself some). She's spoiled a bit thanks to her family. I'd just hate to be the guy that has to pay for everything while she just hoards her money. I don't see this as equal, not saying she will but if anyone has experienced this please provide your opinion.
She over analyzes EVERYTHING and blows EVERYTHING out of proportion. She gets upset, argues while I sit in silence or patiently try to plea my case. I seem to be apologizing a lot for things I didn't know were upsetting to her. She has emotional outburst quite often and I'm learning to just coddle her and deal with it during these moments. Never have let her run over me per se but I'm developing the ability to sense when to be stern and when to accommodate her emotional instabilities. "This is ALL women son" - my dad...but ladies please give me insight as to why this is, if you happen to be someone of this nature.
Because its long distance we literally talk all day, everyday. This is not exhausting to me but I'm afraid that once we're together we may lose that dynamic and not have as much to talk about. THIS IS BY FAR MY MOST SIGNIFICANT FEAR. I enjoy our conversations and want to remain communicative with her but I fear we may lose this once under one roof.
I'm moving to her (Houston to Dallas), shes not moving to me. I'll POSSIBLY be taking a paycut (not smart in the eyes of many) but it will be an opportunity to branch out career wise and eventually grow into a much more robust field and more money in the next 3-4 years (DevOps Architect, hopefully). I agreed to this as to not force her daughter into a new environment and to not be away from her dad.
Those in successful, long-term relationships that may have started off as we are, what are some pointers in keeping each other happy? I'm a loner for the most part as is she so I don't see much of an issue but admittedly I'm nervous, nervous about the financial loss of a failed marriage (shouldn't think that way but I can't help it), about the heartache I'll endure should it not work out. Guess I'm just paranoid.
Omg Mike! Why are you doing this? This marriage has disaster and misery written all over it. Please reconsider your decision to propose to this immature woman.
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