Signs that a good partner would make a poor parent? (dates, marriage)
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.As my mother's offspring I never really got to understand why she stayed with my step-father past a certain point. I guess there is no correlation between the relationship of the parents to the child and the relationship between the parents, at least not in all cases.
...But looking back, I didn't expect the way things to turn out the way they did because my parents were rather nice people before they got married and shortly after, though not for long. With that said, there were a few subtle hints related to my step-father's first marriage that I realized, unfortunately, only years later were actually a pre-cursor to the rather unstable individual he turned out to be.
...Thus I would never wish to make the mistake of having children with someone that I would appear to have a good relationship with, only to see that they are poor parents.
...And so I ask, are there any clues which point to the fact that someone who is a good partner wouldn't be a good parent?
...Keep in mind that my mother and step-father hid his bad side from my half-sister very well, so I guess they must have paid attention...
With that said, the subtle hints of my step-fathers control and anger issues came from the fact that he didn't like his ex reading at the table, and the way he said that. His alcoholic issues stemmed from the mention of his dislike of his ex to control his drinking.
And those were the only, yet retrospectively obvious signs that he had qualities not fit on a parent, despite being a rather well-collected fellow at the time.
Unfortunately, I've yet to find the pre-cursor to my mother's lack of care for the way she found his behavior as something I needed to tolerate or "ride it out" in her own words. Though I must say that my conception wasn't planned and I was raised by my grandmother and great grand-mother more than anything else, before I moved to this country.... However it's too late if you detect such symptoms after conception.
About the only thing I can think of is to go to a place where there are a lot of kids. Chuck E. Cheese might be a good place. See how they respond to all the running/screaming kids. If they do their best to ignore it, they might be good with kids. If they get angry about it, they might not be good with kids. If they go running/screaming with the kids, they likely are good with kids, but might be adult kids themselves and do you want to take care of one more kid?
I'm a parent ... a pretty good parent, I think ... and Chuck E. Cheese is about the worst place imaginable for anyone. It would make you hate kids and most adults. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
IMHO, there are a couple of things to remember:
1) Until you have a child, you can't know the totally new feelings you experience as a parent. I never could have anticipated the strength of that bond. In terms of motivation, it's almost unmatched. It made me want to be a better person right away for the sake of those tiny babies (twins in my case).
2) In my observations, someone who is VERY self-centered, and views the world in terms of how it affects them and only them, makes a HORRIBLE parent. To be a good parent, you have to be able to put off a lot of your own needs. I had to learn this from experience.
3) The step-parent dynamic that you described is very complicated and not always successful.
I'm a parent ... a pretty good parent, I think ... and Chuck E. Cheese is about the worst place imaginable for anyone. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
IMHO, there are a couple of things to remember:
1) Until you have a child, you can't know the totally new feelings you experience as a parent. I never could have anticipated the strength of that bond. In terms of motivation, it's almost unmatched. It made me want to be a better person right away for the sake of those tiny babies (twins in my case).
2) In my observations, someone who is VERY self-centered, and views the world in terms of how it affects them and only them, makes a HORRIBLE parent. To be a good parent, you have to be able to put off a lot of your own needs. I had to learn this from experience.
3) The step-parent dynamic that you described is very complicated and not always successful.
The most healthy situation for a single mom (or dad) is for her to not expect anyone she dates to want to be a "parent" the kid already has a dad. I am self centered and I would be a horrible parent, kids should never come first unless its an actual NEED, a lot of parents put kids wants over their partner and that's how relationships fail. Some women realize that the kid will grow up and that its more important to have a lover and companion. I think the kid centric society we live in destroys relationships, in no other time and in few other countries even today are kids coddled and pandered to to such an extreme degree.
I remember hearing a drill sgt say that its getting harder and harder to train new people because they are SO weak. I see these new military members and how they act and I think omg we are lucky we have high tech stuff because if we were ever in a "knife fight" that would be the end of the USA.
Thank God for our advanced placement programs and the fact we still have the best universities in the world that's all that's holding us up.
I remember hearing a drill sgt say that its getting harder and harder to train new people because they are SO weak. I see these new military members and how they act and I think omg we are lucky we have high tech stuff because if we were ever in a "knife fight" that would be the end of the USA.
Thank God for our advanced placement programs and the fact we still have the best universities in the world that's all that's holding us up.
I know, technological advances and progress towards the intellectual and away from brute force is such a shame for society Can you imagine how screwed we'd be if we were plunged back to caveman times and had to wrestle down a mammoth?
To the OP's question: it's never possible to tell for sure, but if a person is selfish, narcissistic, has addiction issues, has an abusive personality, or outright hates kids, these are all signs they'd make a less-than-stellar parent.
I know, technological advances and progress towards the intellectual and away from brute force is such a shame for society Can you imagine how screwed we'd be if we were plunged back to caveman times and had to wrestle down a mammoth?
To the OP's question: it's never possible to tell for sure, but if a person is selfish, narcissistic, has addiction issues, has an abusive personality, or outright hates kids, these are all signs they'd make a less-than-stellar parent.
And we should put them in a circle and all spit on them
As a parent, red flags are: lack of patience or perfectionist, takes themselves too seriously- can't laugh at life, must be flexible- realize that children are on their own path and help them become the best person they are meant to be.
This is just my opinion.
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Can you imagine how screwed we'd be if we were plunged back to caveman times and had to wrestle down a mammoth?
