Settling for "Good enough" (divorce, friend, feelings, meaning)
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I read the book, and it was really good. I read it to understand better how women think. It was eye opening. The basic message was to give men more of a chance and don't be so quick to eliminate someone. I'm really drilling it down too much, but the author tries to get women to think differently. I thought it was well written. But it didn't give me much hope because it confirmed what I already knew about women and how they view men.
I did not settle. It wasn't an issue for me because I was always happy and secure being single, and I wasn't fighting against some biological clock, wasn't yearning for some wedding and baby scenario, never interested in becoming a SAHM so I didn't need to run out and find some man to make that happen for me. I have never been in a position where I needed to "settle". In fact, looking back I had always wished I had spent more time single, doing my own thing. When I met my husband, I didn't think I'd see him again, but we became friends and I thought nothing of it. But we just connected and got along so well and fell in love. We didn't even want to be in a relationship but we couldn't help it (cheesey I know ha ha)
I am with RogersParkGuy though - I don't really believe in this "soul mate" or ONE person for everyone thing - that seems really unrealistic. Considering most people marry someone that lives within a 20 mile radius of each other, (or at least maybe before the internet) you are telling me that there is only ONE person on the planet out of billions for you, and coincidentally he/she is gonna live within that radius? I understand that they would not live in another country, speak another language, because you wouldn't be able to connect with them. But insisting that you could not get along with or be compatible enough with anyone else but someone who lives that close to you seems absurd to me.
I would also think, maybe it's not necessarily "settling" just because you don't feel some sort of true love fantasy. I think if your instinct or your gut is telling you it's not the right person, or there's a bunch of drama, that's one thing. Deciding to be with my husband was easy; our relationship was not full of problems or doubt. But if you are holding out for some media-influenced crap, then that is a problem. There is no "perfect" match or someone who is going to be 100% what you want all the time. That doesn't mean you "settled", and some people might confuse that because they buy into that myth.
directed towards women, but the author argues how "Good enough" can be better than risking a possible alternative - waiting too long and getting to a point where you spend the rest of your life alone and lonely.
I know a lot of women who will settle for Good Enough... because they want to further their objective of having children and being in a marriage knowing fully well that it *may* not be the best of matches, perhaps they even convince themselves that it is the perfect match because they are so desperate for marriage and a family...years down the road after the novelty of marriage and children have faded they exit out.
I read the book and I think it makes sense, but it's not something that I've been able to put into practice. The constant problem I encounter with men who would potentially make good husbands but I'm not 100% interested in them is that I'm not attracted to them sexually. So even though I try to date them, it ends up not working out anyway.
But In a certain sense, everyone has to settle for Good Enough.
The fact is, no two people on this earth are a perfect match for each other. No two people are 100% sexually compatible, no two people are 100% temperamentally compatible, no two people always agree on everything. Even people we love to death will anger, frustrate, and disappoint us at times. Younger people, in particular, often have this delusion that somewhere out there is someone perfect for them--i.e. The One. Well, I'm sorry, but the one is a myth. The One is a lit. There is no One.
It's not a matter of settling. Most of us believe our spouses are ideal for us when we marry them. After awhile we learn to deal with imperfections we did not fully appreciate.
And if we settle, then we get what we settle for. I made bad choices when I married and knew upfront it was a bad idea, but, 'back then' my priorities were so screwed up it's no wonder I ended up in a mess.
Will I meet Mr. Right? Um...well, as long as he's not Mr. Always Right.
It's not a matter of settling. Most of us believe our spouses are ideal for us when we marry them. After awhile we learn to deal with imperfections we did not fully appreciate.
It's called being married to another human being.
^This.
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