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Old 08-28-2013, 10:48 PM
 
219 posts, read 510,773 times
Reputation: 230

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I met a girl a month or so a go at a bar, she was with her boyfriend at the time. Last week we started chatting on Facebook, and turns out they broke up because he was an *******. Later that week we got a drink after work together, flirted a bit, conversation got sexual, and kissed on the cheek.

Tonight we hung out again, and she said she really likes me, but just got out of a relationship and wants to get her life in order before we hang out more than friends. I said, "that's cool, i'll respect that. but i dig you, just so you know." And she replied, "that is exactly what I wanted to hear, thank you. i like you too."

We hung out and she touched me a few times, and laughed, let me kiss her on the cheek again. She made a joke about us having kids, too.

My question is two fold:

1) How should I play this? Keep hanging out with her, and let her sort herself out, but be respectful?

2) Why does she always try to justify herself to me? She might have 2 or 3 drinks and say, "hey just so you know I'm not a drunk" or "I'm not sloppy." Or, "I just have to text me friend, please don't think I'm being rude, okay?" etc. ALWAYS justifying herself to me. Thoughts?
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Old 08-28-2013, 10:54 PM
 
85 posts, read 86,503 times
Reputation: 40
The justifying probably comes from her routine that she got into with her ex. He was probably always making her explain herself. The "im not sloppy" is just coming from her worrying about how she looks in front of you because she actually cares what you think.

1) If you want her, don't stick around and be a rebound. Let her know that you aren't waiting for her and that if she wants you, its not going to be on her own time.

Regardless of how you view it, you are a rebound as we speak. She needs the reassurance that shes pretty and worth something, and you are a feeding ground.

Distance and time dude.

Last edited by Figuremeout; 08-28-2013 at 11:10 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 08-28-2013, 10:57 PM
 
1,478 posts, read 2,011,313 times
Reputation: 2523
Yeah I'd probably not always be available. I agree with distance and time - to keep from being a rebound, maybe stay out of the friend zone.
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Old 08-28-2013, 11:00 PM
 
18,508 posts, read 16,215,740 times
Reputation: 42072
What happened to your cougar?
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Old 08-28-2013, 11:03 PM
 
219 posts, read 510,773 times
Reputation: 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by Figuremeout View Post
The justifying probably comes from her routine that she got into with her ex. He was probably always making her explain herself. The "im not sloppy" is just coming from her worrying about how she looks in front of you because she actually cares what you think.

1) If you want her, don't stick around and be a rebound. Let her know that you aren't waiting for her and that if she wants you, its not going to be on her own time.

Regardless of how you view it, you are a rebound as we speak. She needs to reassurance that shes pretty and worth something, and you are a feeding ground.

Distance and time dude.
thanks!
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Old 08-28-2013, 11:04 PM
 
219 posts, read 510,773 times
Reputation: 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
What happened to your cougar?
she started getting feelings for me, and said that we can't be intimate anymore, because she doesn't want those feelings to grow any more than they already are, because our age difference.
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Old 08-28-2013, 11:06 PM
 
219 posts, read 510,773 times
Reputation: 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by DR2012 View Post
Yeah I'd probably not always be available. I agree with distance and time - to keep from being a rebound, maybe stay out of the friend zone.
thank you.
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Old 08-29-2013, 05:33 AM
 
16,482 posts, read 22,130,680 times
Reputation: 16212
Quote:
Originally Posted by MidwestGuy1 View Post
I met a girl a month or so a go at a bar, she was with her boyfriend at the time. Last week we started chatting on Facebook, and turns out they broke up because he was an *******. Later that week we got a drink after work together, flirted a bit, conversation got sexual, and kissed on the cheek.

Tonight we hung out again, and she said she really likes me, but just got out of a relationship and wants to get her life in order before we hang out more than friends. I said, "that's cool, i'll respect that. but i dig you, just so you know." And she replied, "that is exactly what I wanted to hear, thank you. i like you too."

We hung out and she touched me a few times, and laughed, let me kiss her on the cheek again. She made a joke about us having kids, too.

My question is two fold:

1) How should I play this? Keep hanging out with her, and let her sort herself out, but be respectful?

2) Why does she always try to justify herself to me? She might have 2 or 3 drinks and say, "hey just so you know I'm not a drunk" or "I'm not sloppy." Or, "I just have to text me friend, please don't think I'm being rude, okay?" etc. ALWAYS justifying herself to me. Thoughts?
It sounds like she is kind of insecure and maybe that is why she explains herself a lot.

I would do number 1) Keep hanging out with her, and let her sort herself out, but be respectful? Do this for sure. Only she will know when she is ready enough to start dating and getting serious about someone again. Be patient and respectful.
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Old 08-29-2013, 06:07 AM
 
Location: Colorado
1,969 posts, read 2,093,828 times
Reputation: 1730
Keep other irons in the fire.
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Old 08-29-2013, 08:13 AM
 
219 posts, read 510,773 times
Reputation: 230
Is one of the reasons she may justify herself around me, because she likes me and wants me to think highly of her, or am I reading into it too much?
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