Not interested in dating, relationships, or even sex. Is this normal? (long distance, married)

[distancerunner88]

So folks, I have a question for you. Has anyone out there ever experienced just a total lack of interest in anything having to do with dating, getting into a relationship, or even having sex for that matter?
I am almost 25 and a good portion of my friends are engaged, married, dating someone, in a relationship, or just going on dates or "seeing somebody." Or, even if they're not, they're actively looking, talking about guys or girls, etc. All my cousins, siblings, and family members are married or dating someone.
I just have NO interest.
At the risk of sounding conceited, I am a very attractive, fit/thin female who is talkative and outgoing, so it's not like I "can't get" a guy and have therefore sworn off men. I just am not interested. I enjoy being single, working, doing my running, hanging out with friends (of both genders) and am a very social person with an active and busy lifestyle. I have never been the girl who dreamed of weddings or wanted to get married, and I have never, ever wanted children, still do not. I feel that I am happier just doing my own thing.
I have only ever had two relationships, and one I do not count because it lasted only a few months and I was a teenager. The other one ended in so much pain, betrayal, and hurt for me that I can't imagine going through that again. I sometimes wonder if my lack of interest in dating is just a wall I've put up to prevent that from ever happening to me again. In general, I do not let guys get very close at all. While I have several groups of friends, it's pretty hard for me to let anyone get TOO close, even women.
I also feel like I have a complete lack of interest in sex. I am not a virgin, I have had sex before, and while it was very meaningful with the man I loved and I enjoyed it somewhat, I have never felt like it was this amazing thing that some people make it out to be. Quite frankly, I could live without it the rest of my life and not really care. In fact, I'd rather not have it, because I always worried slightly about pregnancy when it did happen, even protected. I have been celibate for months now (my choice) and don't miss it at all.
Does anyone else ever experience this? Is it normal? I feel like there is something wrong with me because I don't know any other girls that feel this way.

[TaoistDude]

It may depend on how much aerobic exercise you get - how much you run - and on diet.

In women, too much exercise can cause depletion of estrogen and progesterone,
two hormones important to sex drive and satisfaction. Unlike strength training
or power and speed sports that release a high amount of growth hormones and
other “anabolic” hormones into the bloodstream, endurance training results in
higher amounts of cortisol and “catabolic” hormones

Endurance Training And Sex Drive* - Posts - TrainingPeaks Blog

[DCmum]

Have you even been in love? You're right it might also be related to the bad breakup you've had, you might be trying to protect yourself from getting hurt again

[distancerunner88]

Very interesting article, Taoist, and yes, I exercise constantly. I compete in long distance running and train 8 to 10 miles per day plus more on the weekends, in addition to CrossFit, lifting weights, etc. Follow very lean/healthy diet (low carb/low fat/high protein). Never thought this would explain it. Sometimes I think my mind as well may be just so fixed on running mentally that I have no time to care about sex?
And yes, I loved my ex dearly. Still think about him often. He was my "first" for sex and so most of my sexual experience was initiated with him. I had several sexual encounters after he left me and not one of them was positive or even enjoyable, in fact, most times I never wanted to speak to that person again. He was the only one with whom it felt "right." and "natural."
Maybe my disinterest in sex could be because I just don't want to have any of those negative experiences again (I felt repulsed physically) and because I think nobody could ever compare to him (which is true). Hmmm....lots of theories here.
It doesn't really bother me that I feel this way. I am happy with just me and my 6 cats (yes, I am that crazy cat lady at 24 years old). But I'm just wondering if I'm the only one out there that just doesn't seem to have those feelings.

[TaoistDude]

You may not have those feelings because it's not in your makeup to do so, except perhaps with a very few people who "fit" especially well. You're not completely asexual, but sound very low libido. There's certainly nothing wrong with that, but if you do eventually want a relationship, it would more likely be successful if you find a partner who has a very similar libido level. When you were with your ex, how often were you interested in having sex? If 3x per week is "average" for most married couples after a few years, how do you compare in a comparable scenario?

[kat247]

Who ever said you need to be with someone or in a relationship? Do what feels best for you. Good for you!!!

[Adhom]

There is probably something wrong with you. All the other people perfectly okay with being in your situation did not come to C-D and create a thread about it.

[Raptor76]

There are lots of people who don't want those things, including people who may engage in them, just because they feel pressure to do so. Nothing wrong or special about that what so ever. As long as you are happy, and not hurting yourself or anyone else, yeah it's normal.

[Frihed89]

It's either nature (asexuality) or nurture (scars from childhood and/or previous relationships) or, more probably a combination of the two. But look, if you are OK with this, there is no reason to worry about whether you are normal, or not. You are who you are. If it's causing you some inner problems, comparing yourself to others is even more counterproductive. In that case, it might be helpful to find out who you really are and maybe take a shot at finding out why.

[findly185]

I am very similar to you, except I need sex...frequently (and I am a runner). Just don't think I need to be in a relationship to have it.