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Not on a date but I've been at event dinners where one of the people at the table has been rude. One time one of the people sent the plate back 4 or 5 times until a couple of us told her to just eat the damned meal (if I remember correctly her complaint was that the garlic mashed potatoes weren't warm enough). The meal wasn't bad, poached rockfish, aforementioned potatoes and some garden medley.
I went on a date with a guy who made a big show about paying the tab, but then stiffed the waitress on the tip (he just threw a couple of bucks on the table.) I offered to leave more money but he said that if she wanted to make more money, she should get a better job. As we were walking out I faked having forgotten something and slipped her some more cash. Up until that point he hadn't done or said anything overtly rude.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 09-14-2013 at 11:58 AM..
I went on a date with a guy who made a big show about paying the tab, but then stiffed the waitress on the tip (he just threw a couple of bucks on the table.) I offered to leave more money but he said that if she wanted to make more money, she should get a better job. As we were walking out I faked having forgotten something and gave her more money.
That guy was a douche. Servers make all there money on tips, so, if the server did a good job he should have at least did the 15% minimum. I know I've tipped as much as 25% when the service was outstanding before, and tipped around 10% when I only saw the server the minimum number of times while we were there, and I was sitting at the table with an empty glass the whole time, and I know she wasn't busy just by looking around the room.
i was out with a good looking friend at an italian resturant having pasta and wine. she loves italian food. on my third glass i was into my conversation with her and the waiter refilled my glass and as he walked away my friend thanked him for my pour cuz apparently i forgot. oh well, glad she likes hanging out with me. i just asked her about it and she said it didnt bother her enough to nix me if we were dating. she is in her early 20s.
so it also may be one those generational expectations of social manners, e.g., what is considered rude.
I dated only one guy like this and only very briefly. The first time he was rude to the waitstaff, the restaurant was packed (it was a holiday), and our food arrived late -- the waitress was very apologetic, but he didn't seem to be very understanding and stiffed her on the tip (not her fault the kitchen was backed up). I thought that it had to be an isolated incident, but then he did it again -- to another waiter ("that guy was way too friendly"), to the poor guy who parked our car, and the person who sold us movie tickets.
I asked him if he'd ever worked in the service industry, and he acted all privileged, like that was something people of a lower caste did. I was a waitress in college, and I recall all too well people like him. Needless to say, that did not blossom into a relationship.
In a Western restaurant with an americanized date? No. People are expected to be very smiley and polite here,and to tip well. In Asian places it's very different; barring the most expensive and luxurious places, the staff are merely there to give you your food and courtesy is a bonus. That's why when you go to a Chinatown coffee shop (not a tourist place) you see all those customers and staff yelling at each other. It's considered normal.
This behavior is a non-starter. I just can't deal with it.
I have had this happen a few times, from sending food back, to complaining about a large tip, to just condescending behavior. Each and every time I have made it a point to acknowledge it to the server and apologize for the rude behavior, in front of the offender...
I have had one date accuse me of trying to flirt with a waitress because I made it clear to everyone that I didn't appreciate the condescending attitude.
"A good test of a man is how important he will treat another person that is of absolutely
no value to him." This especially includes treatment of a person of the opposite sex. I find men who talk down about their ex or call other women demeaning names usually lack empathy and have poor character in general. How he is treating the waitress who has no intrinsic value to him is how he'll treat you in 6 months when the mask slips off. Book it!
women get a pass on certain bad behavior when dating.
hot women are permitted to be b*tchy at times IME.
guys, not so much
She was really hot. A legit 9. So I put up with her BS for about a year till it was too much to deal with.
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