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Old 09-18-2013, 08:26 AM
Location: NC
11,222 posts, read 8,301,386 times
Reputation: 12464


46/m here

Graduated High School a virgin
Got "laid" some in college, but very few meaningful dates, and only a couple long relationships.
Met my wife at 25, married at 29, separated at 44 and divorced at 46. Faithful through all of it, but a lot of low self-esteem, mainly due to hearing how horrible I was as a lover, a husband, a father, and etc.

Fast-forward to age 44, and I 100% enjoy my dating life, and seem to be a decent catch. I can "get laid" at will if I want, which was good when first got out of the house, but mostly, it's just nice to know that dating at mid-age is fun. Most people have grown up by now, and don't have so many inhibitions. Women (and men, I suppose) are more in tune with who they are, and less insecure. If they aren't, then move on.

Bottom line. I was a horrible dater when young, and totally enjoying it now. Be yourself, and don't put any pressure on yourself, and enjoy.
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Old 09-18-2013, 08:29 AM
Location: NY
9,130 posts, read 20,012,483 times
Reputation: 11707
I did not date or even really have an inclination to in high school. I guess I just did not have that curiosity that many do at that age. I became more interested in college, and later in college I had a gf. Nothing overly serious (although I wanted it to be). She moved after graduation, and after a couple years of trying to keep in contact over distance it fizzled. In retrospect, I think she was wrong for me anyway so I have no regrets there.

Once I started working, and after that distance thing went sour, I decided I was a loner and did not want to date. I did other things, built my career, travelled, etc. I do not regret that either. I had a lot of fun, saw and did a lot of things, and enjoyed life.

As I approached 30 I decided I wanted the companionship of a woman in my life and a relationship. I still wanted to do the other stuff, but started to have interest in having someone there to enjoy it with. I struggled with some bad dates for a while, as I was pretty behind the curve for my age range. I had also developed a social anxiety too, afraid of women judging me for my decision to focus on career and not develop myself in relationships more and relative lack of experience.

I ended up at 31 meeting a wonderful woman who was understanding, not judgemental, interested, and patient enough to break through my anxiety and let me open up to her. We were a tremendous fit for each other, with so many shared interests, desires, life goals, etc etc.

Today she is my wife, and she is more amazing to me every day. Not only do I love her and love being with her, I have also found she is giving and loving in return, and that we work very well together to encourage and enhance each other's wants, needs, and desires.
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Old 09-18-2013, 08:59 AM
Location: Virginia
2,765 posts, read 3,629,322 times
Reputation: 2355
One relationship at 16.
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Old 09-18-2013, 09:16 AM
1,095 posts, read 1,631,239 times
Reputation: 1697
When I was in Jr.High and High School, I had a few relationships but none of them were serious. I am now 22 almost 23 and still in college. I haven't had a single girlfriend and still a virgin. I want to just focus on school right now. Then once I'm out on my own with a job, I will begin looking for a rrelationship. I do want kids one day. It's kind of hard to be single because my little group of friends are all in relationships right now. Some of them are engaged. I will probably be one of the people that gets into long term relationships in my late 20s.
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Old 09-18-2013, 09:19 AM
Location: Metro Detroit
1,102 posts, read 1,350,795 times
Reputation: 675
I'm confused. I've seen a number of you valiantly defend women on this forum against certain opinions, but it seems you have all had little to no experience and ended up marrying one of the few women you've had a relationship with. Honestly confusing

How can you have such strong opinions on women when you've only intimately known a few? Sure, you're SO probably doesn't fit the mold of whatever negative opinion being discussed, but that doesn't extrapolate

Last edited by Caddy1316; 09-18-2013 at 09:27 AM..
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Old 09-18-2013, 09:37 AM
156 posts, read 260,399 times
Reputation: 105
Originally Posted by AceDaBrain View Post
How did it end up for you guys?

Did you finally run into a good opportunity at one point? What age? What changed in your life?

Curious to hear some stories of how others in my situation ended up

in my experience, a lot of things change. i've had my share of dry spells, but i think they would only happen because i let my weaknesses get in the way, like depression. that would lead to alcoholism, i would withdraw socially from my friends and family, i would gain weight.

what changed me is how my job challenges me. the work i do forces me to interact with a lot of people and to meet new people, so i have to be ready mentally and emotionally for those experiences. I've had to shift in to "business leader mode" and become some one who is capable of leading a big team.

this has a huge impact on my social life. I think i come off as more easy going/confident/content, and those attitudes are infectious. people are drawn to people who make them feel good.
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Old 09-18-2013, 09:55 AM
Location: Monterey, CALIFORNIA
211 posts, read 373,200 times
Reputation: 185
Originally Posted by AceDaBrain View Post
How did it end up for you guys?

Did you finally run into a good opportunity at one point? What age? What changed in your life?

Curious to hear some stories of how others in my situation ended up
I was pretty shy until I started college. I feel I changed for the better at 18 when I went off to college. What really changed me was this girl I was secretly in love with in high school told me she was into me my senior year and we dated a bit. It just really woke me up and got me to break the shy spell. So I ended up having a great time in college. I then had a girlfriend for 4.5 years from 20 to 24. Once I was single, I had a crazy run picking up girls pretty much everywhere. But I eventually found a great girl and once again have a girlfriend.

If you are shy and wondering when things will change. They can change anytime. It just takes you to make that decision to put yourself out there. Its a lot of fun!!
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Old 09-18-2013, 09:57 AM
2,183 posts, read 2,202,425 times
Reputation: 1852
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
I really don't know if I should chime in because I am not a guy... but then I feel like I should because I am not a guy.

I didn't have many boyfriends or interest (beyond superficial) in my teens and early 20s. I didn't even get asked out to the prom or a single dance (for the prom, I went with a guy friend that I asked). I had two boyfriend in college (one for two semesters until he transferred to another school... the other for one semester until he dropped out). And then nothing until I as 25--not a single date, look, anything.

Now, I am not ugly or anything (and I think I looked much better then--I am older now and I think it shows). I was average build, long blonde hair, beachy outdoorsy type, that perfect "hip to waist ratio" that anthropologist talk about, etc. I was often told by guys (who were friends) that my problem is I came across as cold. Nothing could be farther from the truth... I love people and am a very warm person. But I am introverted and a but shy and men who saw me assumed I was a "cold witch" so to speak.

It wasn't until I finally came out of my shell at 25 that things picked up for me. What helped was a job that I had where I *had* to talk to men a lot--mostly rough around the edges men too. Soon it became more comfortable for me to express myself, I was more relaxed, and people could see the warmness. Nothing else about me changed other than that; but a world opened up to me. Then it seemed like suddenly, out of the blue, men were interested in me. Even after I got married (and had a very visible ring) men hit on me.

Long story not so long, my Ex came out of the closet and we divorced (we are still friendly though). I am single again. Even though I am older and older looking, my personality has changed a lot and I now get dates. I've dated 8 men in the past year and will be dating number 9 soon (just casual stuff and most just one date where we found out we really weren't a match... no man and I have hit it off enough to be exclusive yet). That's more dates than I had from the time I was 18-25... in just one year.

Anyway, I have a lot of points. I am not sure if they are applicable to men or not, but I thought it might be worth sharing if it helped someone:

1) If you are introverted or shy (which seems to be what afflicts a lot of men on this forum), it hurts you no matter what your sex, no matter how great a person you are, or even how good you look. The best way to get around this is just talk to members of opposite sex--not for the purpose of dating, but for the purpose of just being friendly.

2) Some of us are "late bloomers" when it comes to the opposite sex. And guys, you have an advantage because you get better looking as you age (in my opinion anyway). So don't stress. Work on yourself and improve yourself and your life and things will eventually come to you. In reality, there aren't very many "40-year-old virgins" But there are a lot of very inexperienced men and women in their 20s.

3) Don't think it's some conspiracy by women of a hive mind who are all out to get you. If you think that you will come across as crazy... and soon after that bitter. Just like men, women are individuals too and a lot of them are going though the same things you are. Sure there are witchy women and jerks of men... but while they are loud, they are the minority.

OP, I wish you the best and good luck.
I agree with number with number 1. I became friends with several women. Some were classmates, some were coworkers. I was introduced to my coworkers. For some reason they all liked me. Two of these women got really close to me. Unfortunately at that time I believed I couldn't be loved so I let them both walk out of my life. (2) there are more 40 year old virgins than you realize. I am one myself. (3) I don't blame women at all. I know I have no one to blame but myself. Your post is true.
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Old 09-18-2013, 09:57 AM
Location: Holiday, FL
1,571 posts, read 2,000,704 times
Reputation: 1165
Originally Posted by AceDaBrain View Post
How did it end up for you guys?

Did you finally run into a good opportunity at one point? What age? What changed in your life?

Curious to hear some stories of how others in my situation ended up
Virtually no dates or sex during school, and only a couple short relationships after that. What did change was going into military service. I met a girl half way across the country and ended up married to her for nearly 30 years. At times, I wish she was still here.
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Old 09-18-2013, 10:35 AM
Location: SGV, CA
808 posts, read 1,878,516 times
Reputation: 1276
I didn't even have my first date/kiss until after I graduated from college. Strict Chinese tiger parenting (focus on school, not girls) plus strict fundamentalist Christian upbringing (premarital sex/casual dating is immoral) was a lot for me to overcome. It still affects my personality to this day, but I was fortunate enough to meet a girl who grew up in the same kind of environment and despite some awkwardness we're now a mostly normal couple.
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