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Old 09-19-2013, 01:11 AM
 
4,463 posts, read 6,229,875 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
My misunderstanding... I was thinking of the plastic as a defensive shield of disinterest or something. I am not the type to solicit sex or be overly sexual when meeting. I figure get to know a man and a kind of friends first attitude. Then again, most places I meet men really don't lend themselves to being overly sexual--it's ludicrous. For example, a dive boat... I might smile, talk, flirt a little--but it's entirely unsexy coming out of the water with knotted up hair and with snot coming out of your nose into your mask, lol (and yes, that happens a lot to a lot of people due to the change in pressure). No one is seducing anyone or expecting sex on a dive boat, lol. People are chatting, looking at the fish they speared, getting to know each other, sleeping, throwing up, or gearing up most of the time.

If I am lucky, I get to know another diver... a single man and maybe we talk about meeting up again later, etc.

But I am not a bleached blonde for sure. Maybe that's the assumption that I bleach and am therefore vain or something. In all fairness though, I do color my hair with lowlights (basically I darken it) because I spend a lot of time outside and the sun fades it out a lot. So I am a little vain
I am not talking about jumping in the sack on the first date. I think you are kind of missing my overall point. Going diving and all that is fine, I go flying and own my own stunt plane, when I am at the hangar and pushing my plane out to chase the sun you could be hidi clum and I would not care, that plane is my baby, that plane gives me a good ride and never says no and never gives me attitude and never friend zones me. If I were single and you found me in the hangar you would have to overtly hit on me otherwise I would not care.

I have been burned enough in the past that I don't like putting on a dog and pony show for a woman just because she is caught up in the coolness of what is going on (diving, acro flying, etc), this is NO indication that im going to get laid later on and form a sexual relationship even if im super interested. She is just excited and wants to be included (free rides, dives, what have you) because there are really expensive toys involved. Or another example is when cute girls smile at me at work but when I was at the grocery store without my badge or status one woman muttered eww under her breath when I smiled at her.

If I am dating a woman and she is not into me enough to at least talk about sex/relationship by the 3rd or 4th date then your just meeting as friends. If things are not developing or if you get offended if he brings up sexual expectations then the guy will assume he has been friend zoned. IF this happens to a guy enough by women of a certain level of attractiveness then he may lower his standards so he can find a woman he can take out of the plastic and play with. At least for me I don't want to invest a lot unless I know I have a decent chance of getting you out of the plastic, otherwise your just another diver on the boat, say hi be friendly and that's it. It is not human nature to just be friends with someone you are sexually attracted too, women claim to feel like pieces of meat when guys say this yet if there was some guy that made them wet just looking at him and he just wanted to be friends there is no way most women would go for that.

Also women of a certain attractiveness have a lot of options and guys know that, and some guys do not want to play the roll of a jester because you have many men vying for your attention.
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Old 09-19-2013, 03:30 AM
 
Location: The Valley of the Sun
1,479 posts, read 2,720,156 times
Reputation: 1534
Quote:
Originally Posted by AceDaBrain View Post
What changed in your life?
I started paying attention to IOIs in my late 20's. Now I know when a woman is attracted to me. Currently date 1 or 2 women a year for varying lengths of time and was married then divorced.

Oh yeah, I also started working out, made sure my breath was good anytime I left the house and started wearing clothes that weren't so baggy. Not ultra tight metro sexual jeans and shirts, just clothes that fit well. I also take a genuine interest in what people say, both men and women. I'm curious to learn about others and that really seems to make women want to talk to me more.
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Old 09-19-2013, 06:25 AM
 
Location: "Daytonnati"
4,241 posts, read 7,177,954 times
Reputation: 3014
Quote:
You're a gay dude so you can explain this to me


Why do your kind always go crazy for me when I get zero attention from women?


Dunno..don't know what u look like.


Quote:
I am not even the slightest bit feminine in appearance or personality...very stocky without being fat. Don't you and straight women like the same things?
Well, there are "chubby chasers" out there...but "straigth acting/straight appearing" is a popular look. I personally prefer the more fem/nelly gay guys (but not crossdressing or drag, which doesnt do much for me), but that's just me....

......a lot of gay guys like the more masculine look, and there is the bear subculture, which are more hairy, stocky look with beards and such...(sort like duck dynasty but maybe not that long of beards).

So you may have a look that is attractive to a certain segement of the gay world.


Not sure what str8 women like in a guy.
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Old 09-19-2013, 06:32 AM
 
5,121 posts, read 6,804,827 times
Reputation: 5833
Quote:
Originally Posted by AceDaBrain View Post
You're a gay dude so you can explain this to me


Why do your kind always go crazy for me when I get zero attention from women?


I am not even the slightest bit feminine in appearance or personality...very stocky without being fat. Don't you and straight women like the same things?
You know, I am not gay... I am a straight woman. But my Ex is out of the closet and since we are still friendly, I tend to know a lot of gay men. Gay men aren't woman and they don't think like women (from my observation). They are still 100% male. I think there is an assumption out there that gay men "want" to be women. And from what I've seen, that's just not true. They are happy being men and like men.

So along those lines, I think gay men and straight women don't think the same and aren't attracted to the same things. Of course, this is all a sweeping generalization. Individuals are varied.
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Old 09-19-2013, 06:42 AM
 
5,121 posts, read 6,804,827 times
Reputation: 5833
Quote:
Originally Posted by highlife2 View Post
I am not talking about jumping in the sack on the first date. I think you are kind of missing my overall point. Going diving and all that is fine, I go flying and own my own stunt plane, when I am at the hangar and pushing my plane out to chase the sun you could be hidi clum and I would not care, that plane is my baby, that plane gives me a good ride and never says no and never gives me attitude and never friend zones me. If I were single and you found me in the hangar you would have to overtly hit on me otherwise I would not care.

I have been burned enough in the past that I don't like putting on a dog and pony show for a woman just because she is caught up in the coolness of what is going on (diving, acro flying, etc), this is NO indication that im going to get laid later on and form a sexual relationship even if im super interested. She is just excited and wants to be included (free rides, dives, what have you) because there are really expensive toys involved. Or another example is when cute girls smile at me at work but when I was at the grocery store without my badge or status one woman muttered eww under her breath when I smiled at her.

If I am dating a woman and she is not into me enough to at least talk about sex/relationship by the 3rd or 4th date then your just meeting as friends. If things are not developing or if you get offended if he brings up sexual expectations then the guy will assume he has been friend zoned. IF this happens to a guy enough by women of a certain level of attractiveness then he may lower his standards so he can find a woman he can take out of the plastic and play with. At least for me I don't want to invest a lot unless I know I have a decent chance of getting you out of the plastic, otherwise your just another diver on the boat, say hi be friendly and that's it. It is not human nature to just be friends with someone you are sexually attracted too, women claim to feel like pieces of meat when guys say this yet if there was some guy that made them wet just looking at him and he just wanted to be friends there is no way most women would go for that.

Also women of a certain attractiveness have a lot of options and guys know that, and some guys do not want to play the roll of a jester because you have many men vying for your attention.
Yeah, I think we are talking about two different things. I am just talking about being friendly/sociable and opening the door to possibilities instead of just standing there like a statue (like I did in my younger years) and come across as being cold and unapproachable (and therefore unattractive).

I don't overtly hit on men and it's true most times I try, I fail. But I figure it's like men hitting on women in a bar, you strike out more than you hit... right? I figure most men out there aren't a match for me anyway. I've made a lot of new friends along the way though. And I still do meet men that way and go out on dates. So it's not like my "strategy" (as it were) fails me all the time. It works enough that I am content with it. Sure I haven't met someone yet to have a relationship with, but I figure it's only a matter of time.

For what it's worth, I won't have sex on a 3rd or 4th date. There is no magic number for me. I only will have sex if I am in an exclusive/committed relationship. But I am willing to talk about it by 3 or 4... or even 1 or 2 (to basically say, "I love sex... but I only have sex with a man with whom I am in an exclusive relationship with.")
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Old 09-19-2013, 03:23 PM
 
4,463 posts, read 6,229,875 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
Yeah, I think we are talking about two different things. I am just talking about being friendly/sociable and opening the door to possibilities instead of just standing there like a statue (like I did in my younger years) and come across as being cold and unapproachable (and therefore unattractive).

I don't overtly hit on men and it's true most times I try, I fail. But I figure it's like men hitting on women in a bar, you strike out more than you hit... right? I figure most men out there aren't a match for me anyway. I've made a lot of new friends along the way though. And I still do meet men that way and go out on dates. So it's not like my "strategy" (as it were) fails me all the time. It works enough that I am content with it. Sure I haven't met someone yet to have a relationship with, but I figure it's only a matter of time.

For what it's worth, I won't have sex on a 3rd or 4th date. There is no magic number for me. I only will have sex if I am in an exclusive/committed relationship. But I am willing to talk about it by 3 or 4... or even 1 or 2 (to basically say, "I love sex... but I only have sex with a man with whom I am in an exclusive relationship with.")
I agree with being exclusive for there to be sex otherwise that's gross. However it sounds like your goals are different, your just going out doing what you do and hoping for a random event where you fall into a relationship. Where as I take a more focused approach, I don't like being single so I look for women who are looking for a man.

I love sex too which is why I don't like being single, it's a contradiction to say you love sex but are ok being perpetually single and relying on a random event. You can usually tell these women and as a guy you just accept the situation for what it is, that she views the whole dating relationship process as super casual which means not much effort will be put in and thus your odds of going anywhere are slim. If I litterally had nothing better to do I might go get coffee with a woman that I knew I had about a 1% chance with but I pick my battles better than that unless I had another reason to engage you like a buisness interest.
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Old 09-19-2013, 04:34 PM
 
5,121 posts, read 6,804,827 times
Reputation: 5833
Quote:
Originally Posted by highlife2 View Post
I agree with being exclusive for there to be sex otherwise that's gross. However it sounds like your goals are different, your just going out doing what you do and hoping for a random event where you fall into a relationship. Where as I take a more focused approach, I don't like being single so I look for women who are looking for a man.

I love sex too which is why I don't like being single, it's a contradiction to say you love sex but are ok being perpetually single and relying on a random event. You can usually tell these women and as a guy you just accept the situation for what it is, that she views the whole dating relationship process as super casual which means not much effort will be put in and thus your odds of going anywhere are slim. If I litterally had nothing better to do I might go get coffee with a woman that I knew I had about a 1% chance with but I pick my battles better than that unless I had another reason to engage you like a buisness interest.
Trust me, it's not random. Maybe I didn't indicate it clearly, but I do have a plan. I join clubs around activities I like with the intent of meeting people. From there I find out if they are single men or if know single men, etc. I make friends in these groups and I let them know, hey, I am looking and they put me in touch with men they know are looking, etc. It's networking... it's not like I just show up, hoping for the best. And it works, like I said... I've dated 8 men int he past year. I think that's good. Although only one was "close". Most were one dates and we realized we weren't a good match. I still keep in touch with the one that was close too... and I still like him, but he is really hung up on his Ex and having been hurt.

I am not content being single. I mean, I am happy with my life and all--but I do want a man in it to share it with. In time I will find one.

Last edited by jillabean; 09-19-2013 at 05:45 PM.. Reason: removed a contraction :)
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Old 09-19-2013, 05:50 PM
 
4,463 posts, read 6,229,875 times
Reputation: 2047
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
Trust me, it's not random. Maybe I didn't indicate it clearly, but I do have a plan. I join clubs around activities I like with the intent of meeting people. From there I find out if they are single men or if know single men, etc. I make friends in these groups and I let them know, hey, I am looking and they put me in touch with men they know are looking, etc. It's networking... it's not like I just show up and hoping for the best. And it works, like I said... I've dated 8 men int he past year. I think that's good. Although only one was "close". Most were one dates and we realized we weren't a good match. I still keep in touch with the one that was close too... and I still like him, but he is really hung up on his Ex and having been hurt.

I am not content being single. I mean, I am happy with my life and all--but I do want a man in it to share it with. In time I will find one.
I agree, networking is good and the ratio is in your favor. If I were to start over it would be in eastern europe and I would network there as they probably dont have online dating there but there are 90 men for every 100 women so that would be why I would go there. I guess what im trying to say is a cute/hot woman who has been single for some time likely has a tall order of standards and I would view my odds to be pretty low. I might go on the date but would not expect much and I dont like to have alot of dates where I go in not expecting much, seems like a waste of time, know what I mean. You dont win a foot ball game throwing nothing but hail marrys, once in a while is ok but not very often.

For guys the internet porn gets old after a while and we want dates with higher odds of results, if that makes sense.
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Old 09-19-2013, 06:11 PM
 
5,121 posts, read 6,804,827 times
Reputation: 5833
Quote:
Originally Posted by highlife2 View Post
I agree, networking is good and the ratio is in your favor. If I were to start over it would be in eastern europe and I would network there as they probably dont have online dating there but there are 90 men for every 100 women so that would be why I would go there. I guess what im trying to say is a cute/hot woman who has been single for some time likely has a tall order of standards and I would view my odds to be pretty low. I might go on the date but would not expect much and I dont like to have alot of dates where I go in not expecting much, seems like a waste of time, know what I mean. You dont win a foot ball game throwing nothing but hail marrys, once in a while is ok but not very often.

For guys the internet porn gets old after a while and we want dates with higher odds of results, if that makes sense.
First off, don't sell yourself short. That woman you know who has been single for a long time... maybe it's because she had a bad breakup and wanted some time to heal (and not rebound). It might have nothing to do with standards at all... And you might be a good match. You don't know if you don't try and don't let failure discourage you. If I did, I wouldn't have met most of the men I've dated in the past year.

But anyway, I guess I just see things a little differently than you do. When I go on a date that doesn't pan out. I like to think of it as a learning experience. With each non-relationship I learn a little more about myself and what I am looking for and get closer each time. I don't think it's a co-incidence that the last man I dated was the one I still like... and would go for if he could just get around his emotional barrier with his Ex. I see it as my picker is improving.

And you know what, I really have to apologize to the OP. I am sorry I helped threadjack your subject.
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Old 09-19-2013, 07:01 PM
 
664 posts, read 773,760 times
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I'm 28 and never been on 1 single date, no relationships, nothing. Don't really see that changing anytime soon.
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