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Old 09-19-2013, 07:31 PM
 
4,463 posts, read 6,227,737 times
Reputation: 2047

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
First off, don't sell yourself short. That woman you know who has been single for a long time... maybe it's because she had a bad breakup and wanted some time to heal (and not rebound). It might have nothing to do with standards at all... And you might be a good match. You don't know if you don't try and don't let failure discourage you. If I did, I wouldn't have met most of the men I've dated in the past year.

But anyway, I guess I just see things a little differently than you do. When I go on a date that doesn't pan out. I like to think of it as a learning experience. With each non-relationship I learn a little more about myself and what I am looking for and get closer each time. I don't think it's a co-incidence that the last man I dated was the one I still like... and would go for if he could just get around his emotional barrier with his Ex. I see it as my picker is improving.

And you know what, I really have to apologize to the OP. I am sorry I helped threadjack your subject.
Just because a guy picks a woman does not mean she picks him. How many of your failed dates have been him rejecting you? There is a huge difference between being the rejected vs the rejector
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Old 09-19-2013, 07:42 PM
 
5,121 posts, read 6,801,955 times
Reputation: 5833
Quote:
Originally Posted by highlife2 View Post
Just because a guy picks a woman does not mean she picks him. How many of your failed dates have been him rejecting you?
Well, if you are talking about in the past year, I don't think anyone really rejected anyone else... it was a matter of it being clear we weren't a good fit and neither of us contacted each other again. It probably has to do with my dating style. I pretty much don't go for the whole e-mail, texting, whatever for weeks on end. I just like to meet a person face-to-face. And I pretty much like to give anyone a shot if he asks me out (I mean aside from jerks or something). I've met some really great people that way.

You know, maybe once I did reject in a way by refusing a second date. The one exception was a man I ended up not really liking because he seemed a little mentally unstable. Maybe that's my bias or something, but he was a doomsday prepper (which I found unsettling) and told me all about it and his secret plan to raise an army after the government fell. I didn't contact him after the date and he didn't call me and I thought that was that...until two months later when he called out of the blue asking for a second date. But then I just said I wasn't interested.

I am still on the fence about that last guy I dated. Maybe more confused by him. I still talk to him and see him now and then, but I think I am pretty much a friend to him now. That's okay... he's a good man and if he just needs a friend now, I can do that.
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Old 09-19-2013, 11:41 PM
 
4,463 posts, read 6,227,737 times
Reputation: 2047
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
Well, if you are talking about in the past year, I don't think anyone really rejected anyone else... it was a matter of it being clear we weren't a good fit and neither of us contacted each other again. It probably has to do with my dating style. I pretty much don't go for the whole e-mail, texting, whatever for weeks on end. I just like to meet a person face-to-face. And I pretty much like to give anyone a shot if he asks me out (I mean aside from jerks or something). I've met some really great people that way.

You know, maybe once I did reject in a way by refusing a second date. The one exception was a man I ended up not really liking because he seemed a little mentally unstable. Maybe that's my bias or something, but he was a doomsday prepper (which I found unsettling) and told me all about it and his secret plan to raise an army after the government fell. I didn't contact him after the date and he didn't call me and I thought that was that...until two months later when he called out of the blue asking for a second date. But then I just said I wasn't interested.

I am still on the fence about that last guy I dated. Maybe more confused by him. I still talk to him and see him now and then, but I think I am pretty much a friend to him now. That's okay... he's a good man and if he just needs a friend now, I can do that.
That sounds like an interesting set of experiences. I will pm you later.
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Old 09-20-2013, 02:48 AM
 
Location: Phoenix Arizona
728 posts, read 1,899,394 times
Reputation: 1674
In high school I was quite the shy guy that didn't date at all. Looking back now I know that some of my female friends were certainly interested in me for a relationship but I was too naive and socially awkward to even notice. This kept up until I was 21 and I got a job at Disneyland where I was forced to come out of my shy shell and talk to anyone and everyone. Once I became comfortable with speaking to people I was placed on one of the most social attractions in the park, the Jungle Cruise. For those not familiar with the ride it's a boat ride that takes you through the "jungle" and the guy driving the boat tells hokey jokes and interacts with the guests. Not an easy job but it really helped me with my social skills and certainly helped me with meeting women. Thanks to my newly discovered people skills I became a natural magnet for girls and I was getting phone numbers left and right without ever even trying or asking. It was absolutely amazing. I was literally hooking up with girls every night that I worked, both guests and coworkers.

After that I kept the same people/social skills with me and haven't had any issues with women ever since then.
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Old 09-20-2013, 01:24 PM
 
2,156 posts, read 3,332,093 times
Reputation: 2837
Puppy Love. LOL. I remember the first time I asked a girl to be my girlfriend and I was 13 yrs old and a nervous wreck. Honestly, what does a 13 yr old know anything about girlfriends? Remember those teen years? LMFAO...a month felt like a decade. Three months felt like a lifetime. A break up was the end of the world. LOL. Through out Jr. High and High School was a rinse and repeat thing, going out to places, hang out, ask a girl out, break up and move on to the next. Honestly, none of them is what I would call a relationship since it most of them lasted a month or two. It was just about having fun and going on casual dates.

From the day I first asked out a girl at 13 to the day I got married. I can honestly say that I was in just 2 real relationships. I did go steady with a girl towards the end of my high school but we went our separate ways shortly after I left town for college. And my wife was my second real relationship. She and I got together when I was 19 yrs old and we settled down right after college and have been together for 20 yrs now.

When did I knew I found the one I was meant to be with? When I was a teenager in High School, visiting my cousin 7 hours away one Christmas break. One day, I was flipping through my cousin's photo album, I saw her best friend's picture. Right there and then I knew that girl would one day be my wife. I was right! Knowing who would be my wife, that's the easy part....going on a long journey to win her heart.....that's the hard part. Like they say, the bigger the risk, the bigger the reward.
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Old 09-20-2013, 05:41 PM
 
Location: HI, U.S.A.
628 posts, read 1,389,272 times
Reputation: 257
Still here, still growing, and laughing and loving life without a lover.~

I'm happy right now in this moment, I wouldn't mind love, but it's not the sole sucking goal of my existence, if it happens it happens, if it doesn't I'm still happy!~

If you're not happy with your life, then change it!~
There's no point in living in regret or what you could be doing rather than what you ARE doing, enjoy the moment right now, because you can die at any time.~
Dreaming, hoping, and wishing are wonderful and beautiful, have no regrets, and I wish you joy in life!~ ^_^
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Old 09-20-2013, 06:15 PM
 
Location: St. Joseph Area
6,233 posts, read 9,479,542 times
Reputation: 3133
Never dated in high school or college, mostly because I was awkward around girls I liked (even though I had otherwise good social skills and lots of friends). In college and post college I was too academic and career minded to get "tied down" in a relationship. I had a life to live, and a career to get. though, looking back, I kind of wish I had done some casual dating. I was too serious in those days.

It wasn't until I was 30 that I seriously started looking to date--someone who I might marry. I'm 32 now, and found the woman who I want to marry. I'm getting married in November.
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Old 09-20-2013, 06:40 PM
 
Location: HI, U.S.A.
628 posts, read 1,389,272 times
Reputation: 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by mackinac81 View Post
Never dated in high school or college, mostly because I was awkward around girls I liked (even though I had otherwise good social skills and lots of friends). In college and post college I was too academic and career minded to get "tied down" in a relationship. I had a life to live, and a career to get. though, looking back, I kind of wish I had done some casual dating. I was too serious in those days.

It wasn't until I was 30 that I seriously started looking to date--someone who I might marry. I'm 32 now, and found the woman who I want to marry. I'm getting married in November.
AAAAWWWWWWWW!~ Good for you!~ ^_^ *applause*
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Old 09-25-2013, 12:49 AM
 
35 posts, read 32,640 times
Reputation: 18
I had a case where I was badly burned once in HS and then 4years later in college. Afyer that I concentrated on building a career and then I went back to school to change full time careers. But after that my dafs health began to decline qnd mom neded some help. I also jad some health issues. and will live with it for the rest of my life. My dad has since died and I am loojing fpr anew job maybe things can look up. I did have a possibility about 13 years ago. My folks got 2kittens. abd the lady they got them from asked if I had a GF. I didn't. but before anything could get started my job situation changed and I moved over 400 miles away for a new job that obly lasyed 8 1/2 months . That is the only thing I really wonder about . I am somewhat private but that is because I worked in a very public profesion for years. I was in Radio amd your voice becomes very familiar. Anyway that is my story snd I am sticking to it.)
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Old 09-26-2013, 10:50 PM
 
409 posts, read 497,716 times
Reputation: 369
Well, after one particularly embarrassing incident in middle school, I have since not approached any girl with the intent of asking them out. I try to keep all things relegated to a professional, academic or platonic level which is hard because I have noticed b/c of my relative isolation, I do get attached to the 1st girl that doesn't treat me like Quasimodo. So to counter any delusions of grandeur, I'll just tell myself, she's just barely tolerating me/just nice, DO NOT mistake her intentions otherwise you dumb prick". :P

FYI, I'm now 1 year from graduating college and not much has changed. Maybe except that I'm a bit better at Starcraft 2 now.
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