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Old 09-26-2013, 11:15 PM
Location: The Mitten
845 posts, read 1,352,821 times
Reputation: 741


I had only a few dates through high school, a couple potentials, quite a few crushes but never acted on them, and one long term (about half the year in high school). Didn't date through college but after college I had one LTR that lasted the longest.

After a few years of just living life, I met someone. Just an awesome person, and I fell pretty hard. Courting her lasted only six to eight months before she told me that it wasn't going to work out but I still fancied her a lot. However, after a week or so later, I found out she was dating someone. She was dating him for two to three weeks, she said. Either I didn't read her multiple signs of "Open Arms", or I'm truly an idiot.

Hopefully the internal streak continues; longer lonely periods but larger potential mates.
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Old 09-27-2013, 12:08 PM
Location: New Jersey
334 posts, read 717,837 times
Reputation: 599
Any Guys Here Who Had Very Little Dating Life In Their Teens and 20s?

I was a fat boy in HS. Slimmed down a good bit in college. Still not a lot of dates.After college was the Army. Got in shape there. My attitude changed. I was a man then, not an over aged college boy. The ladies seemed very interested then. Then they were calling me.
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Old 09-27-2013, 02:28 PM
Location: Portland, Oregon
2,515 posts, read 5,036,419 times
Reputation: 2924
I had no dating life in high school. Things improved in college and I met the woman who would be my first wife in spring of sophomore year. I married her right after graduation because she was the only one who'd ever been that interested in me and I thought there might never be another. I was wrong about that. Now I'm married to a woman who has a doctorate in human sexuality.
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Old 10-10-2013, 07:30 AM
Location: Center of the universe
24,644 posts, read 38,718,680 times
Reputation: 11780
I did not date in high school and not really in college either. I had a very short time after graduating from college (and moving to California) during which I had an enjoyable dating life. But then I moved back East and fell for someone who wanted to marry me asap. Though I was not sure she was the one I should marry, I married her because I was all but sure I wouldn't find anyone else.

After almost 25 years I am unhappily married but happy about being a father to our three boys.
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Old 10-10-2013, 07:50 AM
Location: Center of the universe
24,644 posts, read 38,718,680 times
Reputation: 11780
Originally Posted by Pardonmyfrench View Post
Or they got swarmed with the wrong kind of attention.
Or is it that they only want attention from certain men?
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Old 10-10-2013, 10:15 AM
134 posts, read 214,754 times
Reputation: 229
Look, there's a big difference between being a guy with very little dating experience and a guy with no dating experience at all. A single dose of love/sex/dating/etc. makes you a much more confident guy. If you've at least made out with a girl, you're light years ahead of a guy who is a kissless virgin.

Try being a guy who is a 24-yr-old kissless, dateless virgin. That's a major disadvantage for your personal confidence and for the number of women who would consider dating you. A lot of women in this forum have said they wouldn't date an inexperienced guy. To me that seems incredibly shallow.
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Old 10-10-2013, 10:49 AM
611 posts, read 1,034,467 times
Reputation: 856
I'm 28 and have no experience with women. I don't see that changing anytime soon either.
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Old 10-10-2013, 12:22 PM
Location: Banana Republic, LA
378 posts, read 1,209,013 times
Reputation: 301
Originally Posted by Myghost View Post
So, to the OP, and to you, this is a great example of what needs to change before things get better. Respectfully, I say drop all the pent up anger, drop the blaming of others, and mostly, just let go of all your baggage and try to be at peace with who you are. If you're not able to be at peace, then become a person you like. (not focused on cool, but more-so on ethics, values, and how you treat others). Once that happens, I bet you'll have that relationship (and nobody will have to die for it).
Best advice of this thread. My present BF never dated or even kissed anyone until he was 28. Now at 36 he still doesn't have lots of experience (I recently made a thread concerning this) and while its given us some problems re: our relationship, it never entered my mind that it was a negative. He has a very strong character and is focused on ethics and being the best person that he can be. OP needs to focus on the same. Be a man that women can respect.
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Old 10-10-2013, 12:30 PM
529 posts, read 703,645 times
Reputation: 389
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
I really don't know if I should chime in because I am not a guy... but then I feel like I should because I am not a guy.

I didn't have many boyfriends or interest (beyond superficial) in my teens and early 20s. I didn't even get asked out to the prom or a single dance (for the prom, I went with a guy friend that I asked). I had two boyfriend in college (one for two semesters until he transferred to another school... the other for one semester until he dropped out). And then nothing until I as 25--not a single date, look, anything.

Now, I am not ugly or anything (and I think I looked much better then--I am older now and I think it shows). I was average build, long blonde hair, beachy outdoorsy type, that perfect "hip to waist ratio" that anthropologist talk about, etc. I was often told by guys (who were friends) that my problem is I came across as cold. Nothing could be farther from the truth... I love people and am a very warm person. But I am introverted and a but shy and men who saw me assumed I was a "cold witch" so to speak.

It wasn't until I finally came out of my shell at 25 that things picked up for me. What helped was a job that I had where I *had* to talk to men a lot--mostly rough around the edges men too. Soon it became more comfortable for me to express myself, I was more relaxed, and people could see the warmness. Nothing else about me changed other than that; but a world opened up to me. Then it seemed like suddenly, out of the blue, men were interested in me. Even after I got married (and had a very visible ring) men hit on me.

Long story not so long, my Ex came out of the closet and we divorced (we are still friendly though). I am single again. Even though I am older and older looking, my personality has changed a lot and I now get dates. I've dated 8 men in the past year and will be dating number 9 soon (just casual stuff and most just one date where we found out we really weren't a match... no man and I have hit it off enough to be exclusive yet). That's more dates than I had from the time I was 18-25... in just one year.

Anyway, I have a lot of points. I am not sure if they are applicable to men or not, but I thought it might be worth sharing if it helped someone:

1) If you are introverted or shy (which seems to be what afflicts a lot of men on this forum), it hurts you no matter what your sex, no matter how great a person you are, or even how good you look. The best way to get around this is just talk to members of opposite sex--not for the purpose of dating, but for the purpose of just being friendly.

2) Some of us are "late bloomers" when it comes to the opposite sex. And guys, you have an advantage because you get better looking as you age (in my opinion anyway). So don't stress. Work on yourself and improve yourself and your life and things will eventually come to you. In reality, there aren't very many "40-year-old virgins" But there are a lot of very inexperienced men and women in their 20s.

3) Don't think it's some conspiracy by women of a hive mind who are all out to get you. If you think that you will come across as crazy... and soon after that bitter. Just like men, women are individuals too and a lot of them are going though the same things you are. Sure there are witchy women and jerks of men... but while they are loud, they are the minority.

OP, I wish you the best and good luck.
Hey, I just wanted to say that every time I've talked with you, even when we disagree, you seem to be a very nice person! That was an excellent post! (Sorry about your ex, though. I can't imagine being in your position, even though you had nothing to do with it.)
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Old 10-10-2013, 12:36 PM
529 posts, read 703,645 times
Reputation: 389
Oh, I also fall into this category. Not only am I pretty shy and introverted, but my family moved around a lot when I was a kid, so that made it hard to get to know people. Then I spent most of my time studying in college and beyond. So long story short, not much happening over here.
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