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I hated online dating. I didn't try it long (combined time of four months). But in that time I met a lot of married men looking to cheat. A lot! I must look like good mistress material.
Mostly I was contacted by men 10-15 years younger than me messaging me with "sup" or "ur pretty" or just "hi." I would get tons of these kinds of messages, how the heck am I supposed to answer them all and how to you replay to a "sup"? Maybe with "word" or "thanks" or "hi." That works in real like when you see someone and walk across a room... but online where you have a nice profile full of conversation starters. I just started deleting those when I got them--figured they weren't really interested in me personally and that they were just playing some numbers game and sending messages to ever woman online they saw. Basically, I treated messages of "hi" and "sup" as spam.
Then, the men I contacted first because they looked interesting, never contacted back. I would read their profiles and try to say something like, "Oh, I see you enjoy hiking too. I take my dog out on the trails every weekend, what is your favorite trail?" No answer. Came to figure out some of those guys weren't even online anymore. Dead profiles. Some just didn't answer me.
Some men would contact, chat a bit, and things seem to go well, but then they flake out on me last minute as I try to make arrangements for a coffee date. Ugh.
And when I went on dates... well, that's how I met the crazy guy who really, really thought the world was ending in December 2012. He even knew how (solar flare). Couldn't get away from him fast enough. Or I met the guy that thought it was good to insult and be a jerk to me the entire date (and then had the nerve to try and kiss me). I told him never to call me again. Who thinks they can treat another like scum and expect them to like you?
In all fairness, I did meet a couple of nice men. But we ended up not working out for various reasons--different stage of life was a big one (men older than me with more vacation time built up at work, older children, etc). One of the men was going overseas for his job for over a year in just a few months. He'd planned on dropping offline soon, but then I contacted him. But at least the men were good men and the dates were nice, so it gave me faith that some men out there are normal.
But those two nice dates were hardly worth months of paying money to be hassled by online cheaters, crazies, and spammers. I met just as many men through "old fashion" means and didn't have to put up with the drawbacks of online dating to do so.
Last edited by jillabean; 09-29-2013 at 09:11 AM..
Online dating was great. I met a LOT of great women, met my wife, and made some lifelong friends. I had few poor experiences, but of course there were many who didn't work out and contacts that never led to a date (95% never even got to the meeting phase).
I agree. It's brilliant.
I think people who are disappointed are not fine-tuning their profile and 'wish lists' well enough. Or they are on the wrong site.
I enrolled on a site just to see what it was like, and it's been amazing. IRL, I get approached a lot by guys who are much too young for me, and frankly, no offense to anyone but I am not interested in guys who are young enough to be my sons. So I set my settings for the age range I thought was suitable for me. Also geographical location. Very important if you're a busy person. I am still in touch with guys who live some distance away, but it won't work out really for dating, at least not for me.
I have met some fantastic guys, and stay in touch with others. Some will be life-long friends. Some I want to introduce to my female friends! One guy I've recommended for a job, and one I might go into business with.
And the special guy I am seeing now is a contact from the online site. He would not suit everyone, but he sure suits me, and I would never have met him if I hadn't put up a profile.
I learned about the social etiquette and how-to from a book on online dating I found at the library! I'm glad I did that, because I learned how to discern the messages, winks, favorites, etc., because I had no idea what I was doing.
Please don't despair if it's not working out for you. Be honest in your profile, choose a good photo, get good info about the online dating process, that's all I can tell you.
I met one a few years ago and we had a good relationship. I don't do online Or real life dating anymore. It's just not worth the hassle to weed out the nutjobs.
I've been on for over a year on these sites and I've gotten 0 interest from anyone.
I've only been on for about three weeks now, but my understanding is that a lot of people on the sites don't pay, so they basically can't communicate with anyone. So it's basically like you're talking to pictures a lot of the time. And you'll never know who can or cannot talk.
I've only been on for about three weeks now, but my understanding is that a lot of people on the sites don't pay, so they basically can't communicate with anyone. So it's basically like you're talking to pictures a lot of the time. And you'll never know who can or cannot talk.
The only site that I've found to be like that is Zoosk, and they give you 1 message and then they insist you pay 10 bucks a month so you can do more. OKCupid and POF isn't like that from what I hear. They have an upgraded experience that you would have to spend some money to get, but it's not necessary to navigate and use those sites.
I think Match and Eharmony are like that and they're apparently the biggest sites. I hadn't even heard of the other sites you mentioned. Right now, Eharmony is having a "free communication" weekend and I saw a reviewer online who said that means that thousands of people create dummy accounts to look at who is on and shoot them random emails, but once the weekend ends the accounts go dead because they're basically too cheap to pay.
I think Match and Eharmony are like that and they're apparently the biggest sites. I hadn't even heard of the other sites you mentioned. Right now, Eharmony is having a "free communication" weekend and I saw a reviewer online who said that means that thousands of people create dummy accounts to look at who is on and shoot them random emails, but once the weekend ends the accounts go dead because they're basically too cheap to pay.
I don't have accounts on those sites because I don't believe they are any better than the free sites, and I don't have any positive experiences to give about them either, because I've had friends try them.
I don't think paying for a service is going to give me a better chance than using a free site.
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