What is really cheating to you? (boyfriend, marriages, girls, separate)

[JustJulia]

Originally Posted by Laychick

Exactly.

Interesting how even as a woman myself, I don't get those other women's way of thinking regarding cheating and freaking out easily over every little thing that has to do with online porn. A long while ago, I once read a thread about a woman crying as soon as she found out her husband only looked at porn pictures of other women and went to the extreme of considering that cheating. That poor husband was practically crucified by her.

I still think guys are more logical when defining what is cheating to them.

If you want to get more into what I personally consider cheating, head over to the current open relationships thread. I am definitely not one to freak out over porn or "every little thing."

[RogersParkGuy]

Originally Posted by Laychick

Cheating to me is: having sex with someone else or doing the other things (oral, anal, etc), fingering, humping into each other with clothes on or making out with someone else. If there isn't any type of actual physical contact then I don't think I would classify that as cheating; disrespectful yes but not cheating.

I suspect a lot of people would agree with you.

However, in a practical sense, what matters is what your SO considers cheating, not what you consider cheating. People usually give themselves lots of leeway when it comes to cheating. Their partners, not so much. What constitutes cheating is something both parties ought to agree upon pretty early in the relationship. If they find themselves far apart on what constitutes cheating, they probably shouldn't be together.

[Chowhound]

Physical or emotional are both cheating, to me.

I think on some level, the emotional affairs can be worse......that requires investment. A physical thing, especially if it was just once can be a "moment of weakness" type of thing.

I realize there is more to this, just on the surface this how it can be.

[Joe the Photog]

Originally Posted by Laychick

Well that poster said she did told me her views on cheating and so did he but he still doesn't understand hers.

I didn't catch if that was before she found the Craigslist ads are before. Some discussion should have been made at some point during their two years as to their individual definition of cheating. it's different in each relationship. To some, this would not be a big problem; to others, it's a deal breaker.

[SophieLL]

Its only cheating if you fall in love

[nokiddin]

for me, cheating is fundamentally disrespectful conduct for the love and commitment you have for your SO: flirty, entertaining the company of the opposite sex for a "i just want to feel wanted" buzz, and any other form of emotional leakage or physical contact driven by it.

Long ago, I cheated and have also been cheated on, but i learned my lesson the hard way that cheating is basically a lack of disrespect for the person you supposed exclusively love. Also, it's the poorest/cruelest way to handle relationship issues by seeking your emotional or physically needs elsewhere instead of resolving your relationship issues with your SO. But, perhaps, more importantly, cheating is symptom of the disease of a dysfunctional relationship, so you need to understand and treat the disease first to avoid the undesired symptom and outcome. It's not cheating that's the problem, it's what caused the cheating to begin with that's the problem.

For example, is porn cheating? I am very close to concluding that it is because it's a form of emotional leakage that should be reserved for your SO. Yeah, i know that others may disagree, but a guy who is addicted to porn and doesn't bang or is intimate with his SO is getting his physical satisfaction elsewhere and denying his SO what she wants and needs.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by Laychick

Cheating to me is: having sex with someone else or doing the other things (oral, anal, etc), fingering, humping into each other with clothes on or making out with someone else. If there isn't any type of actual physical contact then I don't think I would classify that as cheating; disrespectful yes but not cheating.

I agree with you on this. Never understood "emotional cheating" conceptually.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by nokiddin

For example, is porn cheating? I am very close to concluding that it is because it's a form of emotional leakage that should be reserved for your SO. Yeah, i know that others may disagree, but a guy who is addicted to porn and doesn't bang or is intimate with his SO is getting his physical satisfaction elsewhere and denying his SO what she wants and needs.

I don't know about you, but when I use porn, what I'm doing isn't emotional!

Of course, porn use and addiction to porn are very different things.

[cyberphonics]

I consider cheating to be intimate/sexual physical contact. I'm pretty laid back about anything else. "Breaches of trust" like it was put, though, I may take that as seriously as cheating depending on what happened.

Originally Posted by Laychick

I really don't understand why to some women, the so called ''emotional cheating'' is worst than the actual physical cheating. With me it's the complete opposite.

I get it but I'm on your side of the fence with it. I don't care about "emotional cheating" unless my partner would rather be with this other person than with me, in which case, it's a sign that we need to break up so they can be together and I can move on with my life. I'm not one to hold onto what I have to hold onto, if you get my drift, so I wouldn't feel cheated on, I'd feel cheated out of an opportunity to move forward with someone else who does want to be with me.

Originally Posted by Cheektowaga_Chester

Another question is, how much cheating is acceptable? For example, if fantasizing about someone else is cheating, is it also understandable, "normal", and acceptable?

Cheat on me once (by my definition) and we're done as far as being a monogamous couple. I don't care what the circumstances are, I don't try to go back to something that can't be gone back to so the only choice is that we now have an open relationship in which both of us are free to see others as we choose or we split up entirely.

[NilaJones]

Originally Posted by SophieLL

Its only cheating if you fall in love

Great example of someone who is more bothered by emotional cheating than physical!