What is really cheating to you? (man, kiss, jealous, spouse)
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thanks for your response. i knew i could count on you for good answers. i agree with much of what you said, but as you said, much grey and definitions are fluid. i'm gonna leave this thread alone and see how it develops for a bit.
okay, odysseus, i know you're a more reasonable guy with experience than timberhead that doesnt agree with me about concepts like emotional commitment, leakage and affairs. so here goes, lets have an intellectual discussion about this.
--do you think a guy can have an emotional affair with a cam girl he only chats with online (and when done without the knowledge and approval of his SO)?
--what about when he sends her "gifts" or starts dropping big bucks as "donations" and having private sessions with the cam girl?
--do you think it can get to the point of no longer being concerned about his SO's intimate feels for her? when does it become a problem, if ever?
and here's something different for you to think about...
I have suddenly discovered texting and chatting up several long distance hot younger babes that i met online that realistically the chances of meeting them are remote... right now (yeah, i could always fly them out to meet me in LA, NYC, vegas, miami or event, e.g., music festival, concerts, sports events, etc but not there yet). anyway my cell phone is blowing up with hotties texting me from across the country about whats going on in their/my day and lives, sexting me, sending me hot pics/shapchats of them, hot skype sessions, etc. man, it is fricken seriously mind blowing dude, no kidding. and i think i could keep this up for a long time and always add new ones.
well, if there is no intimacy actually involved, should i tell my next serious dating/gf about these long distance connections? or don't bother cuz it's not "cheating"?
In your cam-girl example and the texting/chatting (IMing, emailing), i think those are both cheating. As I mentioned in my previous post, it's bonding with another person, even if the cam-girl isn't bonding back with you, it's an attachment, versus simply looking at photos or videos that aren't interactive. And emotional affairs can occur through written word, even if you never meet in person, IMO.
Honestly, I'm a bit more on that guy's side than her. IMO cheating would be anything that involves sexual or romantic physical contact done in person only. I don't see virtual flirting as cheating. I would just find that disrespectful and might break up but I wouldn't consider that cheating. I don't see chatting about personal things as cheating either. To me cheating is mainly physical cheating. And yes, penetration would be the worst type of cheating to me.
Cheating to me is: having sex with someone else or doing the other things (oral, anal, etc), fingering, humping into each other with clothes on or making out with someone else. If there isn't any type of actual physical contact then I don't think I would classify that as cheating; disrespectful yes but not cheating.
Cheating is viewed differently by different people. I agree with you, cheating is the physical act of some sex act, actually doing it, not just thinking about it. Some people, women in particular on this forum, seem to think cheating is talking to or looking at someone of the opposite sex. Laugh if you must, some people just don't have any common sense or use good judgement and their thoughts are ultra conservative. I suspect jealousy has a lot to do with these kind of feelings. Jealous women that I know don't think they have a jealous nature, but there is no mistaking it in their actions.
I associate "cheating" with the physical, sexual act. However, that doesn't let the offending party off the hook. It is completely inappropriate and disrespectful to behave suggestively so as to obtain dirty pics, or engage in flirtateous banter. To me, that would be a huge eye opener and I would definitely re-evaluate my relationship. And yeah, in my book, a man doesn't need to flirt with other women/look at dirty pics. However, he can feel free to flirt with me and look at my dirty pics. That's how I play, especially if it's an LTR/marriage. I expect respect because I, in turn, give respect. I don't consciously flirt with guys and/or make overtures.
Cheating is viewed differently by different people. I agree with you, cheating is the physical act of some sex act, actually doing it, not just thinking about it. Some people, women in particular on this forum, seem to think cheating is talking to or looking at someone of the opposite sex. Laugh if you must, some people just don't have any common sense or use good judgement and their thoughts are ultra conservative. I suspect jealousy has a lot to do with these kind of feelings. Jealous women that I know don't think they have a jealous nature, but there is no mistaking it in their actions.
Yet, some of those particular women esp the jealous types are more willing to forgive if their man actually had sex with another woman.
That really has me puzzled and I might never understand that type of logic. That's the same as if I were crying for days because I lost $40 but magically remained calmed upon losing a family member.
I would love to see the reactions of couples if they actually saw their SO's daily actions towards opposite-sex co-workers. Talk about emotional cheating!
On emotional cheating, many women assign more value to feelings than sex (and naturally end up caring more about being liked/loved than being f--cked) and they want those feelings and whatever bond they create to be exclusive to them.
In societies where monogamy is the norm, that exclusivity validates the significance, sincerity, and depth of your feelings and of that bond. If any part of that is shared with another, it's seen as taking away from its value, strength, and meaning and as devaluing the partner and relationship as a whole.
By comparison, sex is weighed as a hurtful incident, a betrayal of trust. That's why so many women ask their men how he feels about a girl he slept with before addressing anything else and why so many women forgive their men for sleeping around as long as he "comes home to them" (i.e. as long as they're the one he cares about the most).
Plus, emotional cheating is less fleeting. People do things quickly but feel things indefinitely so getting over a hurtful act can be easier to deal with than coping with a hurtful emotion that's ever present or ever growing.
And maybe there's also the underlying belief that a man will have sex with a woman just because it's in his nature, not because there's anything special about her, but a woman must be special for him to actually have feelings for her.
So many women don't take him cheating sexually as personally as they take him cheating emotionally. The former is treated more as him not being able to control himself even out of respect while the latter is seen as him thinking another woman is more important than you and that's the biggest no-no for them - not being number one.
I would love to see the reactions of couples if they actually saw their SO's daily actions towards opposite-sex co-workers. Talk about emotional cheating!
This would be interesting to me as well. I am pretty close to 3 guys at work - all married. I've known them all for over 5+ years. While I know I'm not doing anything wrong, I wonder how the wives would feel seeing them so comfortable with me.
I think physical cheating is the line for me, but that does not mean an "emotional affair" is ok.
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