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Old 10-09-2013, 04:16 PM
 
7,457 posts, read 8,716,034 times
Reputation: 4681

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so its been eleven days since my first date with this girl and it looks like it will be at least another ten before I see her again , she had to visit her folks last weekend as her dad is sick and she has a competitive run coming up this Saturday so cant go out Friday nite , we have however communicated several times via text since our date , the last time being last nite , she prefers texting which is a little immature I know but tolerable

thing is Ive been invited out on a date by this girl ive been in contact with on an off online for over two months , this girl contacted me last nite and said she would like to meet up and I could see her this weekend , I realise its ok to see other people when your not officially an item but were I to see this other girl , would it be a big mistake to tell the other girl who I like , one one hand im thinking she may be insulted yet on the other im thinking if she has no interest in me , she wouldn't care and this may be a good way of flushing out her true feelings , lots of women take in guys who they know have other women interested in them
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Old 10-15-2013, 01:19 PM
 
7,457 posts, read 8,716,034 times
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so this girl who is the star of my thread

I sent her an email last nite , telling her I suspected she didn't really care to get to know me better and how I seemed to be the one who had to instigate every form of communication

she got back to me today and geez do I feel like an idiot , she said she really enjoyed our first date and enjoyed spending time with me but that she has struggled for years with confidence and anxiety issues and that fear holds her back all the time , she apologised for any potential hurt she may have caused me , this was of course completely unescessery , she didn't hurt me , not wanting to continue with someone is a prerogative of any woman , she finished by saying she had learned this past while that she is not ready for a relationship at the moment

I immedietley texted the girl to see if she would let me talk to her on the phone tonite , she agreed

I intend to apologise for being so self absorped and not considering why she said she wasn't sure what she wants , I like her more than ever now , it takes a brave person to open up about their insecurities like that , I don't expect she will want to date me anytime soon but do you think a girl would be open to hearing the following

( pretend her name is jane )

jane , if you were willing to remain in my life , I would be absolutely fine with taking things as slow as you want

even that means the odd phonecall for a while , if you feel like a simple nite out at the movies eventually , id love to go along with you

it might sound dysfunctional but I like this girl , I don't care if she has confidence issues , id like to be a friend to her in her quest to overcome them
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Old 10-15-2013, 01:43 PM
 
2,761 posts, read 4,433,901 times
Reputation: 2999
Quote:
Originally Posted by irish_bob View Post
so its been eleven days since my first date with this girl and it looks like it will be at least another ten before I see her again , she had to visit her folks last weekend as her dad is sick and she has a competitive run coming up this Saturday so cant go out Friday nite , we have however communicated several times via text since our date , the last time being last nite , she prefers texting which is a little immature I know but tolerable

thing is Ive been invited out on a date by this girl ive been in contact with on an off online for over two months , this girl contacted me last nite and said she would like to meet up and I could see her this weekend , I realise its ok to see other people when your not officially an item but were I to see this other girl , would it be a big mistake to tell the other girl who I like , one one hand im thinking she may be insulted yet on the other im thinking if she has no interest in me , she wouldn't care and this may be a good way of flushing out her true feelings , lots of women take in guys who they know have other women interested in them
never pass up a chance for a date with someone while another person is 'pushing you off'.
More than likely, while you sit around waiting for person #1 to go on another date, person #2 finds someone else to be interested in.

Now, at the same time, I am not a fan of serial dating at all. BUT, if person one is only meeting up/available every other 2nd or 3rd weekend, and it is very casual dating, by all means, date another, and another, and another.

But if someone expresses interest in you, and dates you regularly... and is available, then you have someone who may be interested in you, and they are worth your attention. But person #1 in your story IMO isnt interested in you enough for you to not date other people.

Even with all her 'fears and anxieties....' you mention in the follow up post.

Maybe woman #1 truly is busy, and scared. But you owe it to yourself to be available to someone willing to lower her walls and give you a chance. Perhaps this person for you is woman #2.
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Old 10-15-2013, 02:04 PM
 
7,457 posts, read 8,716,034 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006 View Post
never pass up a chance for a date with someone while another person is 'pushing you off'.
More than likely, while you sit around waiting for person #1 to go on another date, person #2 finds someone else to be interested in.

Now, at the same time, I am not a fan of serial dating at all. BUT, if person one is only meeting up/available every other 2nd or 3rd weekend, and it is very casual dating, by all means, date another, and another, and another.

But if someone expresses interest in you, and dates you regularly... and is available, then you have someone who may be interested in you, and they are worth your attention. But person #1 in your story IMO isnt interested in you enough for you to not date other people.

Even with all her 'fears and anxieties....' you mention in the follow up post.

Maybe woman #1 truly is busy, and scared. But you owe it to yourself to be available to someone willing to lower her walls and give you a chance. Perhaps this person for you is woman #2.

girl number 2 is now out of the picture
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Old 10-15-2013, 02:10 PM
 
5,476 posts, read 6,835,813 times
Reputation: 5793
So get busy meeting woman #3,4,5 and 6. And then tell them all about the 6 women you are dating. That's game my friend.
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Old 10-15-2013, 02:11 PM
 
Location: socal baby
1,355 posts, read 2,282,225 times
Reputation: 919
OP,

it happens but lots of women get all freaked with a guy uses the words of "like" and "love". my advice is don't say like and love to them, show them. you don't have to say it, better if they can see it in your actions and the attention you give them. but do like and love stuff about them, their smiles, shoes, laugh, but use discretion and don't go over-kiss ass with them. total turn off IME.
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Old 10-15-2013, 04:21 PM
 
7,457 posts, read 8,716,034 times
Reputation: 4681
spent a half an hour on the phone with this girl

im happy with how it went despite the fact that she doesn't want a relationship with me or anyone at the moment , she told me she,s still not over a really bad relationship with someone from a while back

she wants to remain friends , I want us to be friends too , even we never get together , I liker her as a person , shes just a beautiful soul

I didn't realise she was having problems , that's why she was lukewarm this past few weeks
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Old 10-15-2013, 04:27 PM
 
18,617 posts, read 16,573,503 times
Reputation: 42393
Quote:
Originally Posted by ngroh View Post
I guess this is why men have so much trouble dating. Women's preferences for openness and honesty initially seem to be all over the map, some preferring disclosure of feelings and others preferring for men to feel out and not come on too strong.
Yeah, funny, that. Women are actually individual human beings with vastly differing preferences.
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Old 10-15-2013, 04:38 PM
 
7,457 posts, read 8,716,034 times
Reputation: 4681
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Yeah, funny, that. Women are actually individual human beings with vastly differing preferences.

seriously , dial down on the snide remarks , their not clever
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Old 10-16-2013, 12:17 PM
 
69 posts, read 85,071 times
Reputation: 362
Quote:
Originally Posted by irish_bob View Post
girl number 2 is now out of the picture
_______________
So...

What is your end game, eh?

Keep playin' playa.

peace/DG 43
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