Meeting his ex and her family at event - good idea or not? (dating, wife)
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I've been dating a man for nearly two months now and a couple weeks ago he asked me to attend an important event with him that is happening this Saturday. I told him that I'd think about it, as I am nervous since his ex-wife and all of her family will be there (and of course I haven't met any of them yet).
He mentioned it again this week and said I'm still welcome to come, but that there's no pressure and I can meet all of them later on if I felt more comfortable that way. He and his ex parted ways very amicably and he still spends quite a bit of time with her family (but not her, although they are always cordial since they have children together). I know that eventually I will meet them whether I go to this event or not.
I also have not met his two kids yet and they will be there this weekend. This is a bigger issue for me, since I wouldn't want his kids to be upset or confused seeing a strange lady with their dad. If I had already met them, I'd probably not hesitate to go this weekend. I can deal with (potential) awkwardness around the adults, but I don't want the kids feeling weird about it. Basically, I just don't want anyone else there to be uncomfortable with me being there, whether it is his kids, his ex, or her family. I know that their focus will be more on the event than the guests/me, but still.
Another issue I have is that, even though I don't have kids of my own so I don't know the ins-and-outs, I feel like maybe we should wait a bit longer before the kids and I meet. I want to make sure we are in this for the long term first (so far, it seems to be going that way but it's only been a couple months - and only a month of actual exclusive dating) because if things don't work out, it could hurt his kids even more. Ultimately it is up to him though.
What do all of you wise C-D folks think is the best course of action? Should I go this weekend or not?
Considering his kids, and considering that the relationship is pretty new and untested, I'd opt out for later. The kids deal is a BIG deal, and I think your thoughts on it are spot-on.
usually i tend to agree with this- but you seem to have a good grasp of whats going on,,,
the key to this-they had an amicable divorce-this is world's apart from a messy, toxic divorce.
here's an angle im going to offer that often gets overlooked if all parties are adults and not poisonous- go to this event- sometimes kids want to see their parents moving on-happy
your partner-the father has already made his decision, that it would be a good move and he wants you with him- if his decisions going into this are honorable... and respectable, then go with him...
often when we meet the x's family, we feel like we are in the spotlight-being judged on everything-it can be very uncomfortable and heavy- but if it's eventually going to happen,,,,then go with him, be the good person that you are, and everything will go smooth.
this will also enlighten you, we look thru prisms of who we know- now you will see him in a different role, around different people- if her (x) family is gracious towards him-thats saying alot to his character
I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here, it's just comes down to how you feel and what you're comfortable with. I totally understand not wanting to meet his kids, his ex-wife, and her family all at once. Particularly because meeting the kids is a delicate issue. But also consider that if the kids see you with their mother and you're both friendly towards one another (you say they parted amicably so I'm assuming she is a reasonable person you'll be able to get along with), it may make a good first impression on them and make it easier for them to accept you. And having lots of other people there may help act as a buffer and take some of the pressure and tension off you. But if you're not ready and think it would be too overwhelming, I don't think there's anything wrong with not going.
I don't know what I'd do in real life, but it seems too early to be meeting the kids, especially like this. I think there's too much room for comparison and no way to control the reactions of anyone in the group.
You'd be better off letting the kids meet you casually in ordinary situations as their dad's friend, rather than in one giant TA-DA with everyone looking.
I don't know what I'd do in real life, but it seems too early to be meeting the kids, especially like this. I think there's too much room for comparison and no way to control the reactions of anyone in the group.
You'd be better off letting the kids meet you casually in ordinary situations as their dad's friend, rather than in one giant TA-DA with everyone looking.
^^^^ This.
I would wait until your relationship is more secure before meeting the kids, and I think it should be without their mother around and extended family around.
I've been dating a man for nearly two months now and a couple weeks ago he asked me to attend an important event with him that is happening this Saturday. I told him that I'd think about it, as I am nervous since his ex-wife and all of her family will be there (and of course I haven't met any of them yet).
He mentioned it again this week and said I'm still welcome to come, but that there's no pressure and I can meet all of them later on if I felt more comfortable that way. He and his ex parted ways very amicably and he still spends quite a bit of time with her family (but not her, although they are always cordial since they have children together). I know that eventually I will meet them whether I go to this event or not.
I also have not met his two kids yet and they will be there this weekend. This is a bigger issue for me, since I wouldn't want his kids to be upset or confused seeing a strange lady with their dad. If I had already met them, I'd probably not hesitate to go this weekend. I can deal with (potential) awkwardness around the adults, but I don't want the kids feeling weird about it. Basically, I just don't want anyone else there to be uncomfortable with me being there, whether it is his kids, his ex, or her family. I know that their focus will be more on the event than the guests/me, but still.
Another issue I have is that, even though I don't have kids of my own so I don't know the ins-and-outs, I feel like maybe we should wait a bit longer before the kids and I meet. I want to make sure we are in this for the long term first (so far, it seems to be going that way but it's only been a couple months - and only a month of actual exclusive dating) because if things don't work out, it could hurt his kids even more. Ultimately it is up to him though.
What do all of you wise C-D folks think is the best course of action? Should I go this weekend or not?
I don't have kids either.
But I kind of go by this rule: If someone I am dating wants me to meet their kids, I don't see why not.
I won't press to meet them, as they are the parent, and they should make that call. But if they want me to meet the kids, then ok.
I sounds like you have some pretty big anxiety about meeting these people.
It may be awkward, but it sounds like this is the guys life (events with ex, and kids) so you either accept that lifestyle, or move on.
I guess you could push off meeting them for a month or so, but if HE is ready, and you aren't, I call red flag, on your part.
I've been dating a man for nearly two months now and a couple weeks ago he asked me to attend an important event with him that is happening this Saturday. I told him that I'd think about it, as I am nervous since his ex-wife and all of her family will be there (and of course I haven't met any of them yet).
He mentioned it again this week and said I'm still welcome to come, but that there's no pressure and I can meet all of them later on if I felt more comfortable that way. He and his ex parted ways very amicably and he still spends quite a bit of time with her family (but not her, although they are always cordial since they have children together). I know that eventually I will meet them whether I go to this event or not.
I also have not met his two kids yet and they will be there this weekend. This is a bigger issue for me, since I wouldn't want his kids to be upset or confused seeing a strange lady with their dad. If I had already met them, I'd probably not hesitate to go this weekend. I can deal with (potential) awkwardness around the adults, but I don't want the kids feeling weird about it. Basically, I just don't want anyone else there to be uncomfortable with me being there, whether it is his kids, his ex, or her family. I know that their focus will be more on the event than the guests/me, but still.
Another issue I have is that, even though I don't have kids of my own so I don't know the ins-and-outs, I feel like maybe we should wait a bit longer before the kids and I meet. I want to make sure we are in this for the long term first (so far, it seems to be going that way but it's only been a couple months - and only a month of actual exclusive dating) because if things don't work out, it could hurt his kids even more. Ultimately it is up to him though.
What do all of you wise C-D folks think is the best course of action? Should I go this weekend or not?
I think it's a pretty awkward situation. You haven't met his kids yet but he wants you to attend a party where you'll meet not only the kids, but the ex and HER family? Not to mention you've only been dating for 2 months?
If it were me, I would choose not to go. Seems too soon in the relationship and I agree with you regarding the kids. It might be uncomfortable for them as well.
I think the part that would make me the most uncomfortable is where he told you that you could meet them "later on". I get that they are amicable, which is excellent, considering there are kids involved, but it just seems a bit "too close for comfort" for me.
Basically, I just don't want anyone else there to be uncomfortable with me being there, whether it is his kids, his ex, or her family. I know that their focus will be more on the event than the guests/me, but still.
I respect you for thinking of how other's would feel.
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