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If you take no chances, you get no dates. Also, you have an advantage. It's not like he's going to tell anyone he turned you down.
I don't think I can take the chance and I'm too nervous and feel really anxious at the thought of if we were going on a date how it would turn out. thank you for your advice.
Thank you everyone who gave me advice today.
Least I know why shy people don't tend to date one another lol
Go out on the date and enjoy yourself. Let him know you've learned not to date people at work, but you could always be friends, and you would be willing to reciprocate on his gesture at some time in the future. This way you get to go out again, you get to have sincere companionship, you don't look wishy-washy for accepting and rejecting his offer, and you don't have to date him. Next time you will know to think ahead to these issues.
Thanks for the advice Kim. I'm not look forward to work tomorrow. I want to be able to avoid him. I don't even want to go on a date anymore. At my job we are required to log in to instant messaging(chat) so that when clients are calling in and have a complicated question we can work together as a team to answer the question(by looking it up and using resources). Everyone on the floor, is on a designated team that has their own "chat"(multi party chat room) but you can see if someone from another team is available because there is always a green icon next to the name and you can have a one on one chat with an individual if you want. Here is the dilemma: on my team I am the go to person I'm really good at research and fast so I answer questions a lot on my team and really help out my team mates. But by logging in tomorrow to this chat, on my team, there will be that green available icon next to my name and I'm afraid he might message me. There is no way for me to block someone from the chat or make myself look invisible. I was thinking about not logging in at all tomorrow to avoid interacting with him. But I don't want the team leader to notice or to lose my credibility on the team by not answer questions like I normally do. Plus I might need help or have a question and I want to be able to message my teammates if I need help. So I'm wondering what I should do?
To top it off he often walks by my desk, so I'm going to be anxious all day tomorrow. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm really embarrassed by the situation, and u don't know how what to do for the rest of the week.
And this morning I googled his name and found out that he had a DUI earlier in the year(which is why I always see him carpooling with people). Not that it matters i guess.
don't shyt where you eat. what happens if this office romance goes soars and you are forced to quit or are terminated. Are the people who told you go for it going to pay the bills for you and your kid??? (NO)
don't shyt where you eat. what happens if this office romance goes soars and you are forced to quit or are terminated. Are the people who told you go for it going to pay the bills for you and your kid??? (NO)
Date outside the office.
Two coworkers that work on the same floor as us and started last year, and who sit next to each other, are engaged and getting married next month. Everyone's knows and the floor supervisor has congratulated them on the engagement. While I'm sure it's not the best thing to date at work, the company is huge, it's a well regarded investment firm with thousands and thousands of employees and many of whom have met on the job, dated, became friends, even married. So while I would normally agree, it seems like there isn't a real policy implemented about it and it is not in our handbook either.
That being said Im second guessing dating him anyway... The whole situation is too awkward for me and its making me anxious and stressed out and I don't want to feel that way when I'm at work.
At least break the ice and let him know you have reservations. You should maturely clear the air in that fashion. Inform him something came up that precludes your participation, that you are very sorry, but hope he understands. This will allow you some space to later inform him you consider it a bad idea and in bad taste to date someone from work, despite the employment zeitgeist, and you wish him well in all further endeavors. Clean, a nice let-down, and no one's dignity is crushed. And, you can log in and complete chats. Now if he bothers you by chat, keep it professional. And if he persists, inquire what his work tasks are and suggest that's where you desire to focus your attention.
Most people don't recommend forming a relationship at work because of what Can happen if the relationship ends in a unfriendly manner. The worst case is one or both get fired if the break-up interferes with the office. That said, a good percentage of relationships happen at work, something like 10-25%. As long as there are no rules against it, you're free to pursue a relationship, but be aware of what can happen should it end unfriendly.
At this point, I'd only interject you have a child if the opportunity comes up before the date. At minimum, it will be a topic for discussion during the date and being both shy, you'll need something to talk about. I'd also have a couple of open-ended questions requiring more than a yes-no answer. If he doesn't do the same, just chalk it up to experience and move on. All your wondering is leading you to sabotage the date before it happens, so just go in expecting nothing special and you might be surprised. If it's going badly, you can always use the excuse you have to get your son from the sitter to end it early.
Thanks for the advice everyone. Today wasnt so bad. I was able to make it so that he did not see that i was online and like I suspected he did not have the courage to come up to me. So it sort of solves the issue for me. I've never before dealt with a guy that was shy so his behavior is just difficult for me. I feel like if he were really interested he would come up to me, even if just to say hi. He doesn't seem like a very social person. He stays glued to his desk and I don't see him interacting with people hardly at all. I pretty much have just decided that if he cannot come up to me and say hi then I'm not going to happy hour with him and will just pretend like the chat we had on Friday never happened.
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