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I'm a single mom of a 2 year old boy. Long story short was with my high school sweet heart for just about 8 years and we broke up for good last year around this time. He's involved in his sons life. And we are working to improve pur coparenting relationship. I have a lot of family support. I also have a decent paying job at a really nice company that started 2 months ago. That being said I haven't had a strong desire to date or be in a relationship. The last couple of years have been very rough for me after losing my mom in a very traumatic way. And of course the relationship not working out with my child's father( my first love, the only guy I've ever been with, etc) was equally difficult, especially because he still wants to make it work and I'm not able to forgive him for how he treated me and how selfish he was when my mother died. especially if you knew the circumstances around her death and all the horrible things thated up to it. But despite trying to avoid dating it seems like there is always a group of men that like me or have interest in me. Since I was a little girl I've always gotten a lot if attention from boys, and not trying to toot my own horn but the majority of the time I feel like guys place me on a pedestal, etc and end up really liking me just because of how I look. I'm incredibly shy and I feel uncomfortable when I get that type of attention. When me and my ex broke up I figured that me having a child, would be a deal breaker for most guys. I mean I've read forums, I know how a lot of men feel about single moms. Surprisingly I was okay with the idea of never dating again since I'm very shy anyway and often struggle with even having basic conversations with men.
And so I just focused on my son, grieving(was seeing a therapist), and working on my career. Again I was okay with this.., but then I found that it didnt stop guys from wanting to date me or be in a relationship with me. Since the break up with my ex, this last year, I have had countless men try to date me or even ask me out, in each situation I was always upfront that I had a child, that I want have sex unless in a committed relationship, etc and the guy never cared. Which brings me to my current situation and reason for this post in the first place. I've gotten use to men knowing I have a child and wanting to be with me anyway so I've never had to deal with rejection. I've never dealt with rejection from men--every guy I've always been attracted to has always liked me back. I've never struggled with that aspect of my life. But now that I have a child i know that it's inevitable that there will be men who don't want to date me(no matter how attracted they are to me) because I am a single mom and I know there is a stigma to it.
And it's because I don't want to deal with rejection that I'm wondering how to deal with the current situation Im in. Since starting this job there was a guy I found attractive that worked on the same floor as me. While I noticed him staring at me a few times, he never approsched me and I'm use to a guy approaching me if he's interested. The other day I sent him a message at work because a client of his(we are investment professionals) had called and I tried to transfer the client to him but the call didnt go through. Anyway it triggered a series of messages to which he was flirting and letting me know he was very interested. What was weird about it, is that while we kept emailing back and forth, he would literally walk by my desk and if would look like he was going to approach me but then he would get this nervous look and keep walking. I sent him a message and asked why he was doing it and he said that he's intimidated by me then he quickly said that be was just joking. But like I said he seemed too awkward to talk up me face to face. And even some of the things he sent me in messages were sort of awkward.
So I get the feeling that he's not the best with females? I've never had this experience before... I mean I'm shy so I totally get him but I'm use to guys that are outgoing and very aggressive. He basically asked me out for drinks for next Friday, through messaging. Which I think is going to be awkward since we both are shy. I like to tell guys upfront that I have a child to let them know my situation. But I usually tell then in person to guahe their reaction. In this case I would like him to know I have a child before going to drinks with him because I don't want either of us to waste our time. But I don't know how to let him know that over Instsnt messaging (which is impersonal) so would it be wrong to tell him on the date? Or should I try to find a way to tell him through messaging that I have a child. I don't want to be rejected so a part of me is already trying to figure how to not go on the date and avoid him for the next year or so while we work together. So I guess this is a question to shy men: how would you prefer to be told that a woman has a child---in person or through messaging?
We are both 26 btw. I believe that he might have been raised by a single mom as well because in the messages he talked about his mom and his siblings but never once mentioned a father...
Another question: due to his behavior is it safe to assume he may not have much experience with women?
If he isn't interested once he finds out I have a child , and I'm rejected how should I proceed since we work on the same floor?
Don't pee where you eat. You should not date people at work; in a fair scenario, you like him, you date him, things fall apart, you have to see him for however much longer you are there. Additionally, there may be employment clauses about fraternization, harassment, and personal time on IM's, (they own your time and computer while they pay you money) which should nip things in the bud quickly. He can get warned, disciplined, fired, and so can you.
No? Let him know when he would be free b/c you have to find a babysitter for your son, Bifford (or whatever his name is). That lets him know you are interested in seeing him and have a son. He can then quickly reply, 'son, none!' and ski-daddle, or however young-uns now-a-days leave a room quickly. Otherwise, game on.
Regarding behavior, he may be avoiding any contact or interaction due to the aforementioned employment clauses. Or there's someone else you work with that was recently dumped by him, and he's avoiding that person. Or, he may not have much experience with a woman like you - you know, the zowie kind (always had people after you, never worried about personal rejection, even polar opposites find you attractive). Yeah, that.
Don't pee where you eat. You should not date people at work; in a fair scenario, you like him, you date him, things fall apart, you have to see him for however much longer you are there. Additionally, there may be employment clauses about fraternization, harassment, and personal time on IM's, (they own your time and computer while they pay you money) which should nip things in the bud quickly. He can get warned, disciplined, fired, and so can you.
No? Let him know when he would be free b/c you have to find a babysitter for your son, Bifford (or whatever his name is). That lets him know you are interested in seeing him and have a son. He can then quickly reply, 'son, none!' and ski-daddle, or however young-uns now-a-days leave a room quickly. Otherwise, game on.
Regarding behavior, he may be avoiding any contact or interaction due to the aforementioned employment clauses. Or there's someone else you work with that was recently dumped by him, and he's avoiding that person. Or, he may not have much experience with a woman like you - you know, the zowie kind (always had people after you, never worried about personal rejection, even polar opposites find you attractive). Yeah, that.
Thanks for the advice. There are no rules on dating at my company. There are two people that started last year(on our floor) who started dating, got engaged and are getting married next month and everyone knows it. And there are many others that date at the company too. I like the babysitter idea(though my son has a babysitter already so there aren't issues finding someone to watch him) but I already agreed to get drinks with him because I thought he was going to come talk to me in person to iron it out a bit more. I guess if he asks me on Monday how my weekend was I can bring up my son. Honestly the more I think about what you said about how we would have to deal each other if things don't work out the more I'm thinking I should not go through with the date. So should I just avoid or ignore him if he messages me on Monday?
I feel like no matter what things are going to be awkward--if I ignore him or if we do date, or if he rejects me. Ugh. To make matters a little messier there is this other guy that also works on the floor with me that I know likes me but I just want to be friends with him. I tried scaring him off by telling him about my son but it hasn't done anything. He's a really nice guy but I don't feel that way for him. If he found out I went out on a date with the other guy I think it would hurt his feelings because he keeps asking me out and I keep making excuses. It's just messy altogether.
I feel guilty about rejecting one guy for another and I'm nervous to even attempt a date with him since both of us are awkward anyway.
I never dated someone I work with so this is new to me. I feel like no matter what things are going to be awkward.
Last edited by Faith2187; 10-05-2013 at 03:25 PM..
sometimes an awkward guy is ten times better than a smooth arrogant prick
sounds like he will respect you,,
give him a few dates, see how it goes
I have no problem with him being shy/awkward. I'm shy/awkward. I admit I've never dated a guy like him before but I was open to it. I find him attractive as well. It doesn't seem like he would have an issue dating, I mean he is tall, in shape, and attractive, has an education, he has a decent job and seems devoted to his job.
I was a little put off by him acting so strange around me. And a friend of mine said she thought he was weak for not talking to me.
But I was still going to give it a try. But I obviously want him to know I have a child upfront. And based on his awkwardness I wonder if he'd even be truly okay with dating a woman with a kid. Not to mention what another poster said about dating co workers, and the awkwardness it could cause.
Keep romance OUT of the office.
Keep your personal life OUT of the office.
Office romance rarely ends well for either party
Your personal life taken to work is a lot of fuel for the gossip fire.
Tend to your child and yourself, go to work and do the job you are paid to do.
Unless of course you are paid to flirt, have a fling, gossip and not toot your own horn during business hours.
Keep romance OUT of the office.
Keep your personal life OUT of the office.
Office romance rarely ends well for either party
Your personal life taken to work is a lot of fuel for the gossip fire.
Tend to your child and yourself, go to work and do the job you are paid to do.
Unless of course you are paid to flirt, have a fling, gossip and not toot your own horn during business hours.
Thank you for the advice! I don't know how to proceed if he sends me more messages on Monday. I don't want to be gossiped about. Personally I did find it a little weird when that couple(that met on the job) eat lunch together, and sit next to each other(a bit much right) announced they were getting married.
A lot of my friends that are in relationships or engaged have met their partners through work and/or some networking event through their job so I just figured it wasn't that big of a deal.
. For the record no one seems to gossip about dating and there are coworkers that date but i do think things would be really bad if me and him were to date and things were to go wrong. I think I may just avoid him next week. He was invited to do an interview for another position at another building within the company so if he gets it, I would only have to avoid him next week and then he would be gone. On the other hand I don't want to come off as mean or being a tease since I agreed to have drinks with him and flirted with him. A lot of you are making good points. I don't know why I didnt consider any of these things before. I think I just got caught up in the moment and really didnt consider all the complications in the scenario.
What are you guys, three-year-olds? Who cares if people gossip about you?
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