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If one of you is 21 and the other is 26 and you've been together for 4 yrs that means one of you made up their mind at the age of 17 about not wanting kids. Hard to take those kind of people serious.
Is that so? I knew at 15 years of age that I was childfree. I'm 39 now I have never wavered on that opinion.
Is that so? I knew at 15 years of age that I was childfree. I'm 39 now I have never wavered on that opinion.
And one of my friends was willing to donate her eggs at 22 because she knew she never wanted children. Years later, she's on fertility drugs trying to get pregnant. Some people change their minds - some don't. Unfortunately, there's no way to see the future so you don't know which person is going to change their mind and which one isn't.
Funny how in a prior post in a completely different forum I said one thing wouldn't be the cause of a separation if one happened...
Bottom line:
I don't want kids.
My husband does.
If I don't bear children, he wants to "Mutually Separate."
We love each other very much, we're only on 2 years of our marriage, nearly 4 in our relationship as a whole.
Maybe my "biological clock will kick in" one day (that's what people ALL say) but I'm thinking it won't at this point.
We discussed the topic several times, but this past week was the first time he mentioned divorce, it's really weird how it all came about, casually, on a cool night stroll, no anger or harsh words, it was cheery and surreal... I mean when he said it I thought he was joking... but I asked a few times and he confirmed it may have to happen down the road... he wants kids by 30, either when he or I turn 30... so 4-9 years from now about.
I'm probably not going to ever change my mind.
He said it's a deal breaker. It's painful and I don't understand.
Please city-data people, let me know what your thoughts and opinions are.
This is a serious matter and it is a dealbreaker for him. It should be for you too.
The OP and her husband are 21/26. Don’t rush to plan the remainder of your lives! There will be plenty time to force your rift and start anew. For now enjoy what you yet have!
Yeah, I am puzzled as to why the OP's husband is in such a rush to reproduce at 26. The late Tony Randall fathered a couple of children in his 70s. I wonder if there is some outside social pressure affecting the husband pushing the reproduction issue to the forefront at this early stage of the marriage. I'm thinking of religiously conservative in-laws.
But the OP and her husband are very young. If indeed both are firmly convinced about their respective stances on reproduction, then divorce is inevitable. But is it really so necessary to embark on one’s reproductive quest while still in one’s early 20s? Is it not possible to wait awhile, to talk things through, to enjoy each other’s company for a little while longer, before succumbing to the inevitable? Again I speak from experience. I cherished the moments before my ex-wife left to pursue her reproductive quest; and would have been immensely grateful if she tarried for just a few months longer. She was 37. The OP and her husband are 21/26. Don’t rush to plan the remainder of your lives! There will be plenty time to force your rift and start anew. For now enjoy what you yet have!
Totally agree. My ex-wife had a misunderstanding (not a disagreement) about kids, which led to her leaving and my divorce. Now it probably is too late for me since I'm not even seriously dating someone and I'm 45. But, the real point is you have a good 4-5 years to figure it out (and biologically speaking, much longer). People change a lot in their mid-late 20's, trust me. I do believe you got married way too young. That being said, fight for your marriage.
Totally agree. My ex-wife had a misunderstanding (not a disagreement) about kids, which led to her leaving and my divorce. Now it probably is too late for me since I'm not even seriously dating someone and I'm 45. But, the real point is you have a good 4-5 years to figure it out (and biologically speaking, much longer). People change a lot in their mid-late 20's, trust me. I do believe you got married way too young. That being said, fight for your marriage.
And one of my friends was willing to donate her eggs at 22 because she knew she never wanted children. Years later, she's on fertility drugs trying to get pregnant. Some people change their minds - some don't. Unfortunately, there's no way to see the future so you don't know which person is going to change their mind and which one isn't.
Agreed. I wrote my response to that other poster because their statement came across as if all people who claim not to want children at a young age don't know what they are talking about. Some people are certain about themselves at a young age and others prove not to be over time.
Agreed. I wrote my response to that other poster because their statement came across as if all people who claim not to want children at a young age don't know what they are talking about. Some people are certain about themselves at a young age and others prove not to be over time.
Gotcha.
When I was 14, I thought that I was going to remain a virgin until I got married. It was easy to say that when you've never even made out with a guy! However, when I was 8, I decided that I wanted to be a performer when I grew up - and that's what I did! Only time will tell.
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And he can't force her to have them. She's put it in the hands of common sense. You know, what god gave her.
However, when I was 8, I decided that I wanted to be a performer when I grew up - and that's what I did! Only time will tell.
