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Oh my goodness. I read up on what you said and it almost has me in tears. I try to understand him and sometimes think I do because I have had so many sick family members but I truly will never understand him because he is him. He has tried to tell me this. I try and be so understanding of him. Like his month stint in the hospital. He called me after and I was so cool, calm, and collected. He thought I would be mad he didn't tell me or hadn't called me but I wasn't. I told him that Yes I was worried for him but I figured he was sick and it was all fine. He was so happy because his ex was super mad at him and got all snippy when he got out of the hospital that he didn't call and tell her he was sick. He kept saying that I was perfect and he was so astonished that I didn't understand that I was. I feel so bad because maybe I expect too much of him. I don't feel like I do. Its nice to spend time with people I like time and I like knowing I'm worthy. Going out to dinner once and a while is nice too but I don't need it. When he came to visit he didn't feel good.
He asked me what I wanted to eat and he offered up ordering food or he said he would go to the store and buy food and cook for me. I insisted we go out because I hadn't seen the light of day because I couldn't walk. I let him drive which I think he liked and he said he didn't mind. He was so sick and pale at the restaurant and I told him I was sorry and that we could go back as soon as possible. He said it was fine. He only ordered a salad, so I knew he was sick because he's a huge hearty meal kinds of guy. I sat eating my heart out because I was hungry. I told him that when we got back to my place he could nap in my bed until my friends came for the bon fire and that I would just do chores. He then asked me why I wouldn't come to bed with him too, and I caved and said I would. When we got back we hoped into bed and got all touchy feely hot and heavy. When my friends came he still didn't feel good and asked to rest more before coming out. I was so fine with it and even gave him some medicine and told him to get anything he wanted from the fridge he needed. I went and entertained my friends. I kept coming up to get stuff from my room and he was just resting. He eventually came out and looked better. I think he still felt sick though because he jumped back into my bed at the end of the night too.
I feel so bad. at one point when we were making out I told him that he kisses me one day and wont call me for weeks after it. he got all snippy and was like "well if im sick I cant call you" yada yada...I didn't mean when he was sick im so understanding if he is. when he's not he doesn't call me either all the time. like one night months ago I kinda got an attitude with him on the phone because he called me at midnight and I was sick of being a late night call girl. he tried to explain and told me "what did you want me to leave my dads birthday party to call you." I of course denied it and said "of course not but what about every other night."
Am I so wrong?? Do I not get it? Am I being unreasonable? I just want to spend time with him and sometimes I just don't understand why we cant. I don't get it. I feel like I grew up around so much sickness and taking care of sick people, I thought I got him. I feel like I worry so much about "me" and what he thinks of me and what I do wrong ....maybe im wrong. Do I expect too much? I'm not a material girl. I just like to be reassured that i'm loved and wanted. I like time. he knows this. One time during the summer I went No contact on him. He texted two days later apologizing for "I'm know how much you value time and I'm sorry I haven't been able to give lots of it to you, I hope you are doing well." I was still mad. I just didn't get it. I feel super selfish. I always want to like go out and do fun stuff with him. Im fine with us just relaxing watching tv. maybe he feels obligated to give me lots of attention and time and that's why he holds me at arms length. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
I did read the whole thing, and here's what I got out of it. He wanted to marry his ex. He doesn't want to commit to you. There are a legion of excuses, from being sick to not having enough money, but he wanted to marry his ex. Think about it.
I know. He has told me that when he feels content with his life and is ready for a relationship he will live for the girl, and will need her, and will want everyone to know she is his and will want to like marry her. He wanted to marry his girlfriend before this most recent ex and the girl before her in high school he wanted to marry too. He told me he feels emotionally not ready for that right now. He thinks we could be together in the future. Why say all that stuff about me being perfect all the time, and I have all the attributes he looks for in a girl and he started hastily listing them, then telling me I remind him of his mother and its a good thing because he loves her, and telling me his little sister would love me because im the nicest kindest person in the world. Why walk the two miles to my apartment, act all lovey dovey and want to kiss me and take me for dinner and be all cute with me and cuddle and tell me he likes me because I wont sleep with him and be someone easy. . Whyyy??? I got bold at one point and grabbed his face and looked him in the eye and said "you have no intention of ever making me your girlfriend." he looked surprised and retorted that "you have no idea whats in my head and that's not true." I don't get it all. I know actions speak louder than words but words are nice too.
I keep thinking if he wanted me as a girlfriend he would treat me like a girlfriend. He isn't. I just don't know what to do if he comes to visit again. What if he wants to kiss me and cuddle and take me out for dinner again. Do I stop him? I crave him being affectionate for me so I might be too weak. What if he keeps this up the flirting and the cuteness. Its not like he's calling, it been 3 weeks. He could be sick. I think he is. I'm worried about him and so confused about us. Am I crazy for thinking its crazy he hasn't called in this long? My best friend thinks I am. IDK
I know. He has told me that when he feels content with his life and is ready
for a relationship he will live for the girl, and will need her, and will want
everyone to know she is his and will want to like marry her. He wanted to marry
his girlfriend before this most recent ex and the girl before her in high school
he wanted to marry too. He told me he feels emotionally not ready for that right
now.
So, he wanted to marry his last girlfriend, the girlfriend before that, and the girlfriend before that. However, when it comes to YOU, he's not emotionally ready, he's not physically well, he doesn't have enough money, his job prospects are no good, etc.
Instead of agonizing trying to interpret his every word, every gesture, every text and every move, how about waking up and smelling the coffee? It sounds like he was willing to commit to everyone except you. What does that tell you?
Time to move on, my dear.
I read most of the first post and it seemed to me like you were taking examples of fairly ordinary guy behavior and building a case to support the reasons why you think he likes you.
If you did the same thing and took all of his problems and inconsistencies, you could build a stronger case for why you shouldn't waste your effort.
And yes, I also noticed that you seem inclined to rescue him. You're not listening to people who are older and wiser, people who have "been there, done that."
So, my advice is to do whatever. Sometimes young women need to waste a few valuable years on poor choices. Hopefully, you'll remember your password to this site, so you can reread your own delusional justifications later.
Too much to read and that many words for one human even without reading is too dramatic and more complicated than it needs to be.
Move on, live your life, take care of yourself and if you ever question that you are a good person because of some guy you are with the wrong guy. So if you choose to stay that is your decision and on you.
Here is your answer which is the last sentence of this novella: "his parents need him at home. I'm sad because that means no time for me."
Take the hint already, it is very clear where the priorities in his life are and you are not at the top of the list. I wonder if you are even on the list.
Instead of agonizing trying to interpret his every word, every gesture, every text and every move, how about waking up and smelling the coffee? It sounds like he was willing to commit to everyone except you. What does that tell you?
Time to move on, my dear.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This.
If he shows up again and wants to get hot and heavy, SAY NO.
Tell him you can't function this way because you (think you) want a full-time relationship, and you can't deal with the absences. It's not a crime.
1. You are both very young, too young to be so serious about a relationship.
2. From your ending, you need a lot of time by yourself. From the way you write, you sound co-dependent. Not only do you need a lot of attention from this male, but you expect people to read the Iliad to understand your story. If you cannot condense it down to the details we all need to help you... it's a sob story that no one else wants to read. It's melodramatic and unnecessary.
3. I'm going to repeat this, because it seems like an important message: spend some time alone.
You should move on AND figure out who you are on your own. If he thinks not having enough money is a good excuse not to be in a relationship with someone (you're not having children or buying a house any time soon), then he's just beating around the bush until he finds someone else to take his breath away.
If you know in your heart you are a good person (you've said it more than enough times), then be a good person and move on for yourself. Quit hoping someone else will take action when you can.
Really? You should be taking your own advice since you have decided to start living with a man you have "met" but had a long distance relationship with the entire time you have been together.
Sorry, I couldn't finish all of your texts, but got the gist of it for the most part.
He's in a headspace for the ex.
Sure, he's into you but not into you the way you're into him.
You wouldn't have to be here to write a wall of texts if that weren't the case.
Focus on you. You give him too many chances. I'd also advise to keep my options open and let him do the chasing. Better yet, keep on walking. All I see are excuses.
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