He loves me I think... (dating, boyfriend, girlfriends, how to)
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Sorry I know this is long but this is our relationship in a nutshell...We dated for months in college. He had just gotten out of an intense 8 month relationship where he got his heart broken. We would do cute things and kiss and go places and sleep together at night (no sex). He was everything I was ever looking for in a guy. He even came to a stage show and sat with my family and watched me. But his heart was broken. He just graduated college and I am still in for my last year. Since he graduated he went home to get his life together. We are now like 50 minutes apart. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship, but that he really liked me and that I deserve the world. We ended school with "lets just see how it goes". He told me he never thought he would end up liking me this much and he never expected this so fast. We left school with no relationship. I figured we were still dating.
During the summer I tried to talk to him all the time and he to me. He seemed to be having a hard time and I think I just didn't get how hard. He has a sickness which sometimes leaves him feeling bad in bed or hospitalized.
During the summer we met up one day. He was so happy to see me and he even hugged me and nuzzled me neck all cute. I thought we were on a good path again. I tried to give him concert tickets as a gift for graduating and kiss him. It didn't turn out well and he turned down the tickets feeling uncomfortable with such a large gift when he can't reciprocate it back. He said that he would want to be a great boyfriend and I deserve that, but since he has no money, car, or job yet he has nothing to give me. He sais he thinks we could work out in the future. He told me that he wasn't ready. He sad if he didn't like me he would have told me so and the fact that he continues to call proves a point. This is also the guy who told me I had almost every attribute he looks for in a girl and tells me often that I'm perfect and he even said I reminded him of his mother...in a good way because he loves her.
He said for him to be in a relationship he would want to give his all, and he said that he doesn't feel he is prepared to do that at the time. He thinks we go so well together and he seemed almost shocked at how much he ended up liking me. He told me that when his life permits, he hopes to wake up and realize he loves me and needs me in his life, but since he just got out of a relationship now is not the time. He kept saying, "why now, I don't want us to fail." I do truly believe him. He has a car now and had been trying to save up more for an apartment. He has told me of all amazing stuff he has done for ex girlfriends. He will go into detail about plans he made, and romantic times they had.
He can't do all that stuff for me right now but I deserve that and he wants to give that to me. He said "I know how much I can give in a relationship and I would want to be able to give you my best. I'm not my best right now. I've been sick constantly, not able to talk to you all the time. You deserve someone who can call you all the time. I can't even do that right now. " He went on to say he knows he could be a great boyfriend but now is not the time.
He seems to have a pattern. His first big relationship, she was his friend in middle and high school. He dated other girls. Senior year of high school they got together. Then he met his college girlfriend freshmen year. They were friends, and then didn't talk for like a year. They reconnected and he realized he liked her and they got together. Pattern of him pondering until he's ready.
He reassures me sometimes that he still likes me a lot. He said that me being at school and he being at home struggling, he thinks we wouldn't make it in a relationship that way. He said he would want us to try 100%, and that he doesn't want us to fail in the long run. He would rather wait and do it when he's ready and were maybe closer together. He then told me that he wants to get married. I think he meant this in general not just to me.
He wanted to marry his ex and could see a life with her and she told him she couldn't have a future with him and dumped him. She seemed to want a totally different life than him and he was blind in love to see that. She seemed to want a totally different guy to be honest. He told me he's terrified of being with the wrong person again. One time when we were talking he told me "I don't want to get hurt." then he re phrased "I dont want wither of us to get hurt".
He told me some stuff she said to him and it seems to plague him all the time. She told him that his sickness caused all of the problems in their relationship. This kills him inside all the time. He cant help it. She told him that she felt like she couldn't be happy with him around. Because he wanted to be her friend after she broke up with him. She now has a new boyfriend. He tries to be friends with her and she sometimes comes around but she seems to not care about him at all. He gets mad because she calls once in a blue moon and says she is checking up on him. She hasn't called him in a while.
He holds what she says in such high regard. It hurts him inside and he always say "I am such a good boyfriend" or "I would be such a good boyfriend" I think he feels so down about his last relationship that he like tries and reminds himself he is a good person. When he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship he felt bad and kept saying "I hurt you, I didn't mean to, I hurt you..." But at the same time calling to flirt with me and talking about other girls that flirt with you is hurtful.
When I questioned him about leading me on, he told me that if he didn't like me anymore he would have stopped calling or told me straight off the bat and he didn't. He has told me of girls he has openly told " I don't like you or have feelings for you." Some he told right off the bat when they showed interest, others he dated and didn't like. He is very blunt with them. He then told me "did I ever say anything like that to you." when I replied 'no' he then said "yeah see because if I did I would be lying and I can't lie to you." I think he also saw that I was getting super attached and wanted more from him and he wasn't willing to give it at the time. I didn't realize the struggle he was going through in the summer and I think it might have been his way of trying to hold me at arms length.
We didn't talk for about a month after the talk in the summer because he was very sick. He called me as soon as he was out of the hospital.
He started calling me. He told me I was perfect in every sense of the word. He was wonderful. He called a week later. Was being a flirt, and was even trying to make me jealous.
Our last convo on the phone he told me he appreciated so much that I was such a presence in his last semester at college. He said he was so happy I was there and that nobody else did anything to try and make his last semester great and I was always right there with something fun for us to do or places to go. He said thank you.
He facebook chatted me and we were talking about getting in shape. He ended up sending me a shirtless pic of himself and I just pretended I didn't care about him at all.
So like a week after the facebook convo I broke my ankle. I can't really walk. I get a text from Kyle (him). I didn't respond because I was in the emergency room. He then texted again like an hour later So he was definitely trying to reach me.
I give him a call when I get home. He tells me he is on a train on his way to our college to visit. He wanted to tell me. I tell him what happened to me and he seems to feel bad. We talk for like 20 mins. I was disappointed because he went out to bars that night with all his friends and I sat at home not moving. I knew he wanted to spend some time with his friends and I'm not the type of girl to demand all of his time, because friends are important.
Apparently the next morning my roommate sees him on campus and runs over and tells him that he should come and see me because I needed help. Halfway through the day He texts and he asks me if im hungry and I say "yes" because I cant get up to get food. He says he will come and I say "whatever" he gets mad and calls me and asks me if I want him to come or not because I didn't seem overly excited. I tell him to come if he wants or if he doesn't want to then don't. He decides to come, but misses the bus. He ends up walking a good two miles to my apartment. I kind of thought it was sweet cause if he really didn't care he wouldn't walk all that way. He tells me his lunch plans fell through and some friends kind of ditched him. I question if I was a last choice sometimes. Like if all his buddies were going drinking and out to the bars would he have come to see me....probably not.
He gets here and starts taking care of me. He asks to lay down on my bed because he feels sick. He lays down. He then tells me to sit down because of my foot. I lay next to him and he grabs my waist and pulls me toward him. We cuddle. We kiss and makeout.
We get up for a while and end up laughing and watching some videos. We cuddle again and end up making out. I was happy. I told him that he shouldn't expect more (sex which we haven't had) because I want a commitment first. He said that he doesn't want me to change my beliefs and that is one of the reasons he likes me so much. He told me that if he was looking to "get some" from a girl, he wouldn't be in my apartment because I'm not someone easy.
I let him take my car and we got out for dinner. He insists on paying and I praise him a ton. We go back to my place and hop back into bed. We have an hour before my friends are coming over for a bon fire. We get all hot and heavy again even more than before. I make it clear to him again that if he wants more I want a commitment. He says he knows and he tells me "I'm off the market to everyone right now, with my life its just better that way currently."That just proves to me that he isn't going and seeing other girls, and he even told me that he hasn't slept with anyone since just before we started dating, and it was more a rebound girl.
Then at one point I even called him out and looked him straight in the eye and said "You have no intention of ever making me your girlfriend." He looked shocked and he goes "Can I please have the lottery numbers oh great mind reader... you have no idea what I think or have on my mind on that topic, and that's not true."
The fire started. He gets along with my friends and some of his friends end up coming as well. All his friends love me and we get along great. It got so late he ended up going back in my room and falling asleep because he still didn't feel too good. I went to wake him when his buddies were leaving because he was staying with them so he was suppose to go home with them. I then just told him to stay with me and that he was tired and didn't feel good. He was unsure but didn't really make a move to leave still swaddled in my blankets. He then asked me if I truly wanted him to stay and I said yes, and he even made me say that I wanted him to stay to be sure. He stayed with me all night and I drove him to the train this morning. I felt bad, I never offered him breakfast. Halfway to the station I kept apologizing and telling him I was so scatter brained. He was fine with it and told me that since I cant walk he didn't expect me to and that he just appreciates the ride. I was so focused on getting him there on time and him not being late and that fact that I cant walk I'm just so focused on getting around that I forgot to give him anything.
He said he was so glad to see me and we hugged a ton in the car. I miss him so much. We texted all while he was on the train home. Though he probably didn't have anything else to do. Laughing, and flirting. I mean I feel like I was more myself during this whole weekend than I ever have been. I stood my ground and told him what was mostly on my mind and he seemed to like it. We aren't together still, but I am reassured that he isn't on the prowl for other women either......I'm so confused I haven't seen or talked to him since I dropped him off to go home and the text messages on the train. A week ago he deleted his facebook so I texted him to see wat was up. He gave me generic answers and it went back and forth a couple time. I reached out to him that if he needed to talk because he seemed upset and he said no. I was sad because he didn't ask about my foot. I wonder if he doesn't realize how bad my injury actually is. I saw a doctor and its pretty bad.
The weekend visit and train ride was three weeks ago. I consider that the last time we really "talked", because two or three generic text messages are nothing special to me.
Were both 21. I know in my heart I am a good person and my mom tells me all the time but its heard to feel 100% confident when he isn't at your doorstep with flowers fighting for you because your worth it. I am also having such a hard time with my self image ever since my accident. Even before my accident my distress over my relationship status has had my hair falling out all summer and my acne raging. Now combined with my accident I feel so down on myself. I feel unattractive. To top it all off, I love exercising and now I can't due any because of my injury so I feel like I am slowly but surely gaining weight. I sit and think why would he want you now anyway? I have to wear a big black boot on my broken foot. I feel stupid. I feel like a burden to people because I can barely walk and need crutches everywhere. I went out with some friends tonight and we were all walking down a street and the three of them walked in front of me and I crutched behind them. They didn't realize what they were doing and they are all nice friends but it killed me inside. Like it makes me not want to go out even more than I already can't. To top it all off two of the three were boyfriend girlfriend and they were holding hands and being all cute and it killed me inside and tore me up because I want that so so bad.
I tell myself all the time "your a good person" and "you haven't done anything wrong" but the fact that I have to tell myself all the time is sad. I feel sad all the time. People think its all because of my injury and a part of it is, but a large chunk is because of him. I misss him. I need him for support. Not to seem shallow, but I need him to sit and say "your so pretty" because I feel like I look stupid. Or to tell me he wants me so I feel like I am worthy. I need to lean on someone and he isn't my boyfriend and he isn't here. He doesn't know how I feel, but he hasn't checked in to ask and I feel like even if I did I wouldn't tell him because he isn't my boyfriend. I asked him many times when he would be back to visit. He said he didn't know. His roommates birthday is a couple Thursdays from now and he will be back for that. I hoped he would be able to come in that Thursday and stay for the weekend so h could be with his buddies for a couple days and me for a couple too, but he told me he probably has to leave the day after his birthday because his parents need him at home. I'm sad because that means no time for me. I don't know what to do at this point.
No, no, no, NO. I cannot believe you are unable to make this story shorter than that. Please try again. This is too long, and few people are going to read it.
Sorry its just people end up asking me all questions so sometimes its just better for me to include everything. Short version... We dated for months in college. He had just gotten out of a bad relationship. He won't commit to me saying he really really likes me but he isn't ready and he seems to be plagued by all the problems in his last relationship. Since he graduated from college and I'm still in college we are now 50 mins away. This is what happened last time...I broke my ankle. I couldnt really walk. I get a text from Kyle (him). I didn't respond because I was in the emergency room. He then texted again like an hour later So he was definitely trying to reach me.
I give him a call when I get home. He tells me he is on a train on his way to our college to visit. He wanted to tell me. I tell him what happened to me and he seems to feel bad. We talk for like 20 mins. I was disappointed because he went out to bars that night with all his friends and I sat at home not moving. I knew he wanted to spend some time with his friends and I'm not the type of girl to demand all of his time, because friends are important.
Apparently the next morning my roommate sees him on campus and runs over and tells him that he should come and see me because I needed help. Halfway through the day He texts and he asks me if im hungry and I say "yes" because I cant get up to get food. He says he will come and I say "whatever" he gets mad and calls me and asks me if I want him to come or not because I didn't seem overly excited. I tell him to come if he wants or if he doesn't want to then don't. He decides to come, but misses the bus. He ends up walking a good two miles to my apartment. I kind of thought it was sweet cause if he really didn't care he wouldn't walk all that way. He tells me his lunch plans fell through and some friends kind of ditched him. I question if I was a last choice sometimes. Like if all his buddies were going drinking and out to the bars would he have come to see me....probably not.
He gets here and starts taking care of me. He asks to lay down on my bed because he feels sick. He lays down. He then tells me to sit down because of my foot. I lay next to him and he grabs my waist and pulls me toward him. We cuddle. We kiss and makeout.
We get up for a while and end up laughing and watching some videos. We cuddle again and end up making out. I was happy. I told him that he shouldn't expect more (sex which we haven't had) because I want a commitment first. He said that he doesn't want me to change my beliefs and that is one of the reasons he likes me so much. He told me that if he was looking to "get some" from a girl, he wouldn't be in my apartment because I'm not someone easy.
I let him take my car and we got out for dinner. He insists on paying and I praise him a ton. We go back to my place and hop back into bed. We have an hour before my friends are coming over for a bon fire. We get all hot and heavy again even more than before. I make it clear to him again that if he wants more I want a commitment. He says he knows and he tells me "I'm off the market to everyone right now, with my life its just better that way currently."That just proves to me that he isn't going and seeing other girls, and he even told me that he hasn't slept with anyone since just before we started dating, and it was more a rebound girl.
Then at one point I even called him out and looked him straight in the eye and said "You have no intention of ever making me your girlfriend." He looked shocked and he goes "Can I please have the lottery numbers oh great mind reader... you have no idea what I think or have on my mind on that topic, and that's not true."
The fire started. He gets along with my friends and some of his friends end up coming as well. All his friends love me and we get along great. It got so late he ended up going back in my room and falling asleep because he still didn't feel too good. I went to wake him when his buddies were leaving because he was staying with them so he was suppose to go home with them. I then just told him to stay with me and that he was tired and didn't feel good. He was unsure but didn't really make a move to leave still swaddled in my blankets. He then asked me if I truly wanted him to stay and I said yes, and he even made me say that I wanted him to stay to be sure. He stayed with me all night and I drove him to the train this morning. I felt bad, I never offered him breakfast. Halfway to the station I kept apologizing and telling him I was so scatter brained. He was fine with it and told me that since I cant walk he didn't expect me to and that he just appreciates the ride. I was so focused on getting him there on time and him not being late and that fact that I cant walk I'm just so focused on getting around that I forgot to give him anything.
He said he was so glad to see me and we hugged a ton in the car. I miss him so much. We texted all while he was on the train home. Though he probably didn't have anything else to do. Laughing, and flirting. I mean I feel like I was more myself during this whole weekend than I ever have been. I stood my ground and told him what was mostly on my mind and he seemed to like it. We aren't together still, but I am reassured that he isn't on the prowl for other women either......I'm so confused I haven't seen or talked to him since I dropped him off to go home and the text messages on the train. A week ago he deleted his facebook so I texted him to see wat was up. He gave me generic answers and it went back and forth a couple time. I reached out to him that if he needed to talk because he seemed upset and he said no. I was sad because he didn't ask about my foot. I wonder if he doesn't realize how bad my injury actually is. I saw a doctor and its pretty bad.
The weekend visit and train ride was three weeks ago. I consider that the last time we really "talked", because two or three generic text messages are nothing special to me.
I tell myself all the time "your a good person" and "you haven't done anything wrong" but the fact that I have to tell myself all the time is sad. I feel sad all the time. People think its all because of my injury and a part of it is, but a large chunk is because of him. Not to seem shallow, but I need him to sit and say "your so pretty" because I feel like I look stupid. Or to tell me he wants me so I feel like I am worthy. I need to lean on someone and he isn't my boyfriend and he isn't here. He doesn't know how I feel, but he hasn't checked in to ask and I feel like even if I did I wouldn't tell him because he isn't my boyfriend. I asked him many times when he would be back to visit. He said he didn't know. His roommates birthday is a couple Thursdays from now and he will be back for that. I hoped he would be able to come in that Thursday and stay for the weekend so h could be with his buddies for a couple days and me for a couple too, but he told me he probably has to leave the day after his birthday because his parents need him at home. I'm sad because that means no time for me. I don't know what to do at this point.
I am going to make this short and simple.. The whole story that I read.. is ONE BIG RED FLAG! Stay away from him. Either he has issues or both of you have issues. Work on yourself first and then move on to someone else. This person has no interest in you and will probably never be ready for anything. His history shows it.
You would be making a fool of yourself to do anything with him. Finish college and deal with yourself and then get ready to live life.. stop screwing with it...
Oh God, I remember feeling like this. It sounds just like every other silly early college relationship drama. Listen, I will be succinct.
1) Stop questioning whether you're a good person.
2) If a guy REALLY likes you, you will know it. He will not play games. He will contact you. He will come see you. YOU WILL KNOW,..
3) You really REALLY need to focus on the reason you are at school: TO LEARN. You will meet lots of guys, and life is way too short to obsess over crap like this with every one.
Just take care of you. Don't think about him so much. Stop reading into every little detail, and start saying what you mean.
If you want to be with a guy, tell him. His reaction will let you know what comes next.
But this one has a lot of red flags.
Also, we have a rule here at CD: the longer it takes you to "explain" your situation, the less likely it can be fixed.
However, I did read that he is sick. So, let me share a few thoughts with you. My Dad was also sick so I lost him when he was a young man of 31 years; I was only 4. His brother, also sick with the same thing never married or had chidren as he wanted the disease to end. If someone is dealing with a disease, they may not want to impose their issues on someone who isn't sick.
My parents divorced 6 mos. before Dad died. Mother Dearest was a spoiled only child who had no clue how to emotionally deal with his health issues. I have clear memories of Dad's Friday night visits ending with her screaming to him that she wishes he were dead. Well, she got what she wanted and lost me along with Dad.
If you are posting on a public forum like this, are you sure you strong enough to handle the ups and downs of an illness. It can be done but by a special person with maturity.
I think he has made it more than clear he likes you but he doesn't want to be in a relationship. You just don't want to believe it because you like him. Your young, go out, have fun. If it happens one day it happens, if not then don't have any regrets of waiting on him for nothing. I appreciate his honesty I hope you do too. Good luck!!!!!
However, I did read that he is sick. So, let me share a few thoughts with you. My Dad was also sick so I lost him when he was a young man of 31 years; I was only 4. His brother, also sick with the same thing never married or had chidren as he wanted the disease to end. If someone is dealing with a disease, they may not want to impose their issues on someone who isn't sick.
My parents divorced 6 mos. before Dad died. Mother Dearest was a spoiled only child who had no clue how to emotionally deal with his health issues. I have clear memories of Dad's Friday night visits ending with her screaming to him that she wishes he were dead. Well, she got what she wanted and lost me along with Dad.
If you are posting on a public forum like this, are you sure you strong enough to handle the ups and downs of an illness. It can be done but by a special person with maturity.
That's exacty what it is. He always is afraid of being a burden to people. He dated one of my friends a couple years ago and he dumped her because she was immature and used to like cry everyday because he felt sick. I feel I can handle it really well. His sickness doesn't bother me. I grew up around a lot of sick family and feel strong enough to be in his life. I have told him this but he just is so set in his ways. I am more annoyed with his no commitment and how he says he likes me and seems to love the time we spend together and on the phone he seems to flirt with me etc.....but I get no relationship. His sickness is never a problem for me. Like when he came to visit me we were kissing and I threw out "yeah we'll do this and I wont hear from you for weeks on end." he immediately got all defensive and was like "well when im sick I cant call you and blah blah blah." I don't want him to think I cant handle it because I can. I meant it like when he isn't sick, he doesn't seem to call me either. He wasn't sick last weekend he went to a concert. This week he might be super sick. I have no idea. but when you don't tell me either what am I going to think.
I hope this is short enough for people....we dated for many months in colleges last spring semester. he had just gotten out of a relationship where he was madly in love with her and she broke his heart. He seems plagued by words she said and things that happened. in the end she told him she couldn't see herself marrying him or a life with him. she has a new boyfriend now and doesn't really talk to him. he is scared of being with someone again and not ready for a relationship. I wanted a commitment but he wanted to wait and see how the summer was going to go. I complied. he has a medical condition which lands him in the hospital sometimes. he graduated and I am still at school here so were now 50 mins away. we tried to talk during the summer and he called me too but he was having such a hard time with home life and being sick etc...he was very stressed and I still wanted a commitment. he would call me at bizarre times claiming it was all the time he had. one time I got mad and told him that I felt I was on the back burner in his life. he told me he tried to call as much as he could but his life was difficult at the moment. we met up one day during the summer at school and he was all cute with me then we talked about us. he told me he wasn't ready yet for a relationship but he really liked me a lot and thinks we could be together in the future. he wants to get his life together and have a car, money, etc... he told me that I didn't have to wait for him and if I liked someone else to just go for it but to let him know. he reassured me that he still really liked me and if he didn't he would just tell me. he dated on of my friends years ago and he told her he outright didn't like her so I do believe him. he told me he knows he can be a good boyfriend but he feels he cant do that right now and I deserve that.
I was so heartbroken over this conversation, but my mom didn't see it as a break up but more of a "would you wait". we didn't talk for a month after this because he was in the hospital. right when he got out he called me and we talked for hours and he told me how perfect I was and it was like old times. he called again a week later and we flirted a lot and he almost tried to make me a little jealous. I called him a week later and we talked for hours again. he facebook chatted me a week after that and we were talking about fitness. he sent me shirtless pic of himself.
a week after that I got into an accident and broke my ankle. I can not walk. he called to tell me he was in town to visit for the weekend. I told him what happened to me and he felt bad. he didn't come to see me that day and went out with his buddies partying and drinking that night. I figured he would come the next day. my roommate saw him on campus and ran over to tell him he should come and take care of me because I was having a hard time. he texted me that afternoon and I invited him over. he missed the bus and walked 2 miles to my place. I decided to treat him like a friend because I didn't know better. he felt sick so I let him lay on my bed. he told me to rest my foot so I layed next to him. he grabbed my waist pulled me towards him and we ended up cuddling and making out. we were both hungry due to his lunch plans bailing on him so he took me out to dinner and insisted on paying. I question if im his last choice though. his friends bailed on him for lunch and I almost wonder if his buddies were going out drinking and bar hopping if he would have even come to see me. he told me he was off the market to every girl right now just because he isn't in the mindset for a relationship. he told me he hasn't been with any girls since before he met me. we went back to my apartment and were getting kind of hot and heavy in my bed. I have not had sex with him and outright told him when we were making out that I wouldn't have sex with him because I want a commitment. he told me he knew this and he doesn't want me to change my beliefs because its one of the reason he likes me so much. We had a great night and ended up having some friends over for a bonfire. my friends like him and his friends love me. at one point he got sick again and went to lay on my bed. I went to get him because he was going home with his friends and I begged him to just stay with me. he made me verbally tell him to stay. I drove him to the train the next day and he texted me all the way home, probably cause he was on a train and had nothing to do. we were all couple-like and flirty. He shut his facebook down a week ago and I texted him why? he responded with that he didn't use it and he was upset. I offered to be an ear to listen to him since he was upset, but he didn't take me up on it. haven't talked to him since.
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