Getting on each other's nerves (married, girls, love, husband)

[hollygolightly]

Hi all, just looking for some positive input here!

My SO and I have some issues about getting annoyed with each other . I, apparently, tend to irritate him, and he, I. But, not to the point where we get into a serious argument. More like, he doesn't like it when I am on the phone too long with my friends, I don't like it when he plays D&D for too long when I feel he should be paying more attention to me (we don't live together yet, so on the weekends I think WE should be the main priority).

etc., etc., etc....

Am I being too demanding? I know he loves me, he knows I love him. And, I know you can never change someone. I don't even want him to change, I just want him to prioritize a little more wisely.

I guess I knew what I was getting into with a guy who plays Dungeons and Dragons online . That's not even the issue.

Our 1 year anniversary is coming up in a month. I'm just wondering: anyone else have the issue of your SO being irritable? To be honest, he is a breath of fresh air compared to my ex-fiance (physically and emotionally abusive).

Sometimes I think we get on each other's nerves on purpose (he ends up tickling me LOL). But, is this normal and healthy? Or something that needs to be addressed in counseling (God, I hope not... ).

Any positive input is welcome!!

[NuWoman]

With any relationship there will be things that do annoy... it's a matter of seeing more positive that overshadows any negative... no one person is PERFECT, there will be issue. BUT! Assuming on the weekends that you (or the relationship with you) should be the main priority is a little selfish to me... BF does that a little, thinking that every free moment should be his moment... LOL... THIS is the one thing about him that is starting to annoy!

I like my space and I like to be able to do with my time what I want to do, usually that will involve him, but at times I'd like to just stay home and read or go out with friends... Give him his space to do what HE wants... if you want someone who is going to drop and forsake everything that they are interested in on weekends to spend that time with you, you may want to look harder at yourself as to why you feel like you need so much of his time or attention. Sorry!

[miu]

Almost one year together? Irritation is natural. Your relationship is just maturing. In the beginning, nothing is ever annoying, then the initial love glow fades and reality sets in.

Do you live together now? For your phone calls, I feel that it is rude to talk on the phone with friends while being in front of someone else. He feels like an outsider and eavesdropping. So if it's going to be an involved phone call, talk in another room. Plus, most guys don't want to eavesdrop on girls talk anyway.

Then on his game playing, either go to another room or find something else to do. Read a book, do a puzzle or surf on the internet.

Basically at this point in your relationship, it's time to make sure that you both have your private space. No need to be Siamese twins.

[Dennis58]

I think most couples have to learn to organize their time when they are together. Myself, I seldom talk on the phone unless it really is necessary. My fiancee, on the other hand, could blow a phone up in a week, from blabbing on it so much. I don't think much about it though. Sometimes I will sit out on the porch for a pretty good while. She thinks that to be a total waste of time. But, there are several things we enjoy doing together. For instance, we enjoy the outdoors. We might go walking out by the river, even on a cold day. We play cards, and board games etc. But, it is easy to get bored when you are inside all day. Sometimes we just have to give each other a little space. If it ever got to where it seemed you two were avoiding each other, then counceling would be in order for sure. Along with an honest heart-to-heart talk. But maybe I'm weird somehow for thinking this all to be normal. We will see what everyone else has to say about it.

[foma]

My husband and I annoy each other all the time but at the end of the day, he matters more to me than the irritation. We make it work. Talk to your SO about this and see what he says. You two just need to work out a comprmise. Maybe instead of dedicating the entire weekend together, allocate a certain time. Then both of you know that it's your time together. Everyone needs their space. Monday thru Friday you're both working hard so it's natural to want the weekend "to yourself" so to speak but it is also important to keep the relationship going. Good luck and congrats on your 1year!

[elfyum]

Holly - are we related? That's exactly how me & my SO are - & we've been together for 10 years! And I'm like you in wanting all the attention!
But yeah, I can talk forever/he can stay quiet forever, he'll pop up all of a sudden & do stuff or fidget - both of which make me nervous! I'll always wanna touch/hug etc which makes him nervous/claustrophobic... But "it just all works out - I take - 2 steps forward - I take 2 steps back - we come together cause opposites attract..."
But yeah, we both get enough time & space because of our schedules...

[foma]

Thanks Paula!

[songinthewind7]

No matter how much you love him or he loves you, there will still be times when the two of you will irritate each other.
When the two of you get together in the same household, there may be more things that irritate but the two of you need to talk it out.
It's tough in the beginning of a relationship because people are learning about each other but eventually, you'll get the kinks out of the way and even though you'll be irritated every once in awhile, it won't be as often.
Talk it out and tell him how you feel and that you would like to spend more quality time together and that you also understand he needs his space to play D&D.
IMO, counseling isn't necessary for this. It's normal.
As far as you being 'demanding',.....if you don't tell him what you want, he'll never know and most men don't pick up on hints too well.

[sedie80]

Oh, holly...you are SO not alone in this!

I could make a lengthy list of the things my dh does to irritate the crap out of me, but I'd hate to bore you!

I've been with dh for almost 7 years now, we're both in our late 20's. We went through growing pains when we got married, especially the first year (we were married just over 2 years ago). It took me a long time to finally realize that anything I didn't like about him before we were married were not going to change simply because we took that oath to love each other forever.

He's not going to voluntarily wash dishes. I know that now.

He's not going to put his socks in the hamper. Know that now.

He's not going to put his beer bottle caps in the trash can that sits 2 feet away. I KNOW THAT NOW!

But it was extremely irritating for the first year we were married. (I didn't live with him until we got engaged, which was 8 months prior to the wedding)

What I HAVE grown to realize is that he will wash dishes, pick up his socks, and throw away his bottle caps, as long as I ask him. He doesn't realize it irritates me, he just doesn't prioritize things like that the way that I do. If it were up to him, I think he'd just buy new socks every week!

Point being, I've come to accept the things that irritate the living daylights out of me and have found a way to work around it; figured out what makes him tick.

I know I do stuff to irritate him, (guilty of the talking on the phone thing too) so I try to limit that stuff to when he's not around. It's all about compromise.

That give and take between each other, along with good communication, will limit your irritations. But DO expect growing pains!


Whew, sorry this was kind of a lengthy one!

[Roaddog]

It's just part of life, heres what I suggest; Put the phone down, get him off the D&D and go out, break the cycle and enjoy yourselves. Get out of the house, lifes to short.