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My boyfriend has disclosed to me that an older boy started sexually abusing him when he was 4 years old. This continued for several years until my boyfriend was 13. The other boy was 6 years older than him and lived down the street. The thing that is confusing to me is that my boyfriend isn't upset about it. He doesn't even call it molestation or sexual abuse. He just calls it weird experimentation that boys do. I am confused because I don't know if he is really ok with this or if he is just in denial. I feel sorry for what happened to him but I don't want to express this to him since he may take it the wrong way. Am I being overly sensitive?
Your boyfriend was molested. This wasn't a five-year-old and a four-year-old playing "doctor." This was a significantly older boy who continued to do this well into it becoming deserving of a jail sentence.
Look at it this way: Could you imagine a 19-year-old man "experimenting" on a 13-year-old girl? That's rape. And so it was with your boyfriend.
Are u a counselor or social worker? If not, I wouldn't go there, even if you are i wouldn't go there. Be supportive and listen WHEN HE WANTS TO TALK. Don't ever push the issues. If he starts disclosing more info encourage him to seek professional help.
My ex was molested. But at least he was capable of using big-boy words and actually calling it what it was; not making excuses for it. Your bf obviously feels a great deal of shame about it and obviously isn't coping with it in a healthy mature way-that's more of a red flag than the abuse itself.
Are u a counselor or social worker? If not, I wouldn't go there, even if you are i wouldn't go there. Be supportive and listen WHEN HE WANTS TO TALK. Don't ever push the issues. If he starts disclosing more info encourage him to seek professional help.
I agree wholeheartedly with this. People have different ways of protecting themselves from the past, and this might be denial. However, that's not for you to decide. It's for him to decide if he ever wants to go there. Also, some people are just really strong. They realize that something really upsetting happened to them in the past, but they acknowledge that they cannot change the past or people's actions toward them, only their own. It's a really difficult thing to grasp when something tramatic happens to a person.
Another thing, if you pursue this, he may end up resenting you for it. In relationships like this, you're there to be supportive, not to tell them how to manage their feelings.
Quick question: before knowing this, have you ever wondered about this? Or have you wondered if he had something in his past he wasn't sharing with you?
My ex was molested. But at least he was capable of using big-boy words and actually calling it what it was; not making excuses for it. Your bf obviously feels a great deal of shame about it and obviously isn't coping with it in a healthy mature way-that's more of a red flag than the abuse itself.
I take issue with this. I was raped. And I get told that I never "dealt" with it because I did not spend years on the therapist couch. I JUST got told this recently.
I am over 40, wonderful marriage, great kids and a happy life. I don't need to help some shrink with his boat payments.
The only person who knows how the guy is is the guy.
My ex was molested. But at least he was capable of using big-boy words and actually calling it what it was; not making excuses for it. Your bf obviously feels a great deal of shame about it and obviously isn't coping with it in a healthy mature way-that's more of a red flag than the abuse itself.
I take issue with this. I was raped. And I get told that I never "dealt" with it because I did not spend years on the therapist couch. I JUST got told this recently.
I am over 40, wonderful marriage, great kids and a happy life. I don't need to help some shrink with his boat payments.
The only person who knows how the guy is is the guy.
Woah now, as someone who was physically abused all throughout childhood I am not saying everyone deals with abuse in the same way. Not saying you have to go through years and years of therapy-I never did. But a grown man referring to molestation by anything but, is disturbing to me.
Woah now, as someone who was physically abused all throughout childhood I am not saying everyone deals with abuse in the same way. Not saying you have to go through years and years of therapy-I never did. But a grown man referring to molestation by anything but, is disturbing to me.
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