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The second part of my series where I take common dating phrases and ask people if they believe it or not. This one is simple do you believe this statement is generally true, yes or no? Do you think it depends on the gender? How attractive the person is?
For me I think it's true for women, generally due to women not having to 'look' for someone, rather choosing among those who are 'looking' for them.
But for a guy, not looking for a partner is a guaranteed way to remain single, celibate and alone for as long as he makes that choice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BradPiff
The only time a woman would have to be proactive is when she's not into the guys who are pursuing her, but it rarely if ever comes to that point
Yet more statements that contradicts the real world.
*sigh*
Finally! Im glad I came across this forum. Because people would tell me all the time "when your not looking youll find somebody" I think this clears things up a lot more . Cuz I would always think, k if your not trying how is anything going to change. I haven't really looked and see where it got me.... No where
I agree. Now I have to be more proactive than ever based on the part of the country I live in. I have people at work looking for me (they're afraid I'll ditch the job and this town because of the awful dating scene), internet dating (which doesn't work), and just always looking when I'm out, though I don't really approach women. I'm going to have to start approaching because the fear of rejection isn't as bad as being alone.
I disagree, as a woman, any woman, you will be pursued by a subset of the male population whether you're "looking"(key word)for a relationship or not. Will some of them be jerks? Yes but also some may be great guys. The difference is in choice. She will be are afforded one with no other action or "looking"(again key word) on her part.
The only time a woman would have to be proactive is when she's not into the guys who are pursuing her, but it rarely if ever comes to that point
I am amazed at the inability of some to find dates, let alone long term relationships/marriage.
I never had any trouble at all with this issue and I am not model perfect beautiful physically, I am just me.
I think a lot of people make the entire dating/finding someone thing way too dramatic and complicated.
If the concept was less sex oriented and more relationship oriented it probably would make a huge difference.
Also, do not make this the top priority in your life, let life flow, move along but pay attention.
You never know when that somebody will walk right around the corner, get on the elevator or move into your building.
I purposely decided not to date anybody as I was going through relationships almost every month, a couple of weeks into that I met my wife. I did not worry about finding a date or a LTR and it happened. i also know several other people who had similar experiences, but than I was not worried about getting married, nor even wanting a LTR, I was more concerned about not dealing with drama, and enjoying life for a while.
What did I say that wasnt true? Most women don't approach simply because they don't have to, while most men approach because they have no choice
It's been like that in the "real world" since the beginning of time
In general, true.
I have never been approached or asked out and though I'm no pretty boy, I don't think I'm hideous either. But I don't make that cut.
Although there are some women who have NEVER been approached or asked out (by age 30 let's say), I think it's a very rare minority. I can't even put a # to it. Would you care to guess?
I disagree with your second point though. There are women who don't like any of their options and it can go on for years. Probably compromises a lot of the women here. Although I must say, I really can't feel that bad for them since I have to 1) go out and approach, 2) get a yes or no, 3) if I get a rare yes or maybe, then figure out if that person is right for me.
I am amazed at the inability of some to find dates, let alone long term relationships/marriage.
I never had any trouble at all with this issue and I am not model perfect beautiful physically, I am just me.
I think a lot of people make the entire dating/finding someone thing way too dramatic and complicated.
If the concept was less sex oriented and more relationship oriented it probably would make a huge difference.
Also, do not make this the top priority in your life, let life flow, move along but pay attention.
You never know when that somebody will walk right around the corner, get on the elevator or move into your building.
This describes my experience as well. I have never set out to find a girlfriend yet normal social interactions seem to provide opportunities pretty often. I am not really good looking or rich and I don't even live in a part of the country with a good singles scene. It seems to me that getting a date is as simple as maintaining a conversation for ten minutes without being as dull as a post or showing signs of mental instability. I have never observed the dynamic described often on this forum where women sit on the sidelines and watch a bunch of men compete for their attention and then pick the most fit, banishing the unsuccessful guys. Well, maybe I saw something similar in middle school.
This describes my experience as well. I have never set out to find a girlfriend yet normal social interactions seem to provide opportunities pretty often. I am not really good looking or rich and I don't even live in a part of the country with a good singles scene. It seems to me that getting a date is as simple as maintaining a conversation for ten minutes without being as dull as a post or showing signs of mental instability. I have never observed the dynamic described often on this forum where women sit on the sidelines and watch a bunch of men compete for their attention and then pick the most fit, banishing the unsuccessful guys. Well, maybe I saw something similar in middle school.
Agreed, for years I lived in Menver, ie Denver, called menver because it has one of the worst men to women ratios in the country for singles, and was worse when I was dating, yet I did not have many problems, in fact I was able to be pretty choosy in who I would date, and never really hit on anybody.
I think the saying is true. But I also think the saying is misunderstood and/or taken too literally by some people.
Both men and women should be "proactive" in the sense that they put themselves out there and in situations where that potential match might cross your path, notice you, and react favorably. I think it's as simple as this:
- getting out of the house
- being genuinely happy, relaxed and comfortable in your own skin while out and about - i.e. giving off a positive, friendly and approachable vibe while being yourself
- putting yourself in public situations - this could be HS or college if you're young, or it could be doing something fun with your friends (e.g. a house party, something at the beach, whatever), or it could be the grocery store, or it could be walking your dog at the park...I could go on and on. You also need to be aware of the world around you.
In short, just getting out and enjoying life and the world. The rest pretty much comes down to luck...being at the right place at the right time. Then when a potential opportunity unexpectedly arises (e.g. an attractive woman smiling at you and acting coy) while you're out and about, then either you or she should initiate, chat (maybe flirt a bit if that feels appropriate) and see where things go. Might lead to nothing; might lead to friendship; might result in a date or two; could result in a LTR. Things might progress rapidly or more slowly. A lot of this is "go with your gut". Who knows? Just because a person is good doesn't mean he or she's the right match.
If people got outside their own heads, that would make things much simpler and easier for them. People are often their own worst enemy.
I think this is vastly different than a guy going to so-and-so place to "look for a girlfriend", or a guy going out and approaching 50 women per week, using some of his lame pick-up lines. Such people try too hard and come off forced or desperate.
Lastly, while just about every guy (esp. younger ones) thinks about sex often - that's just the way we're wired, I think it would be easier for men if they thought of women as individuals instead of just things to bang.
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