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I don't think it's because most have stupid profiles. Although that is a valid point.
It's hard for even good looking guys. I had some success on POF, but it was WORK. My pic is in my profile and it was actually one I used on POF. Judge for yourself. More work than I am willing to put it, so I got off. Eventually, I just stopped messaging girls and waited for one I found attractive to message me. Most of the messages I got where from extremely fat or ugly women, but I did end up hanging out with some good looking girls.
Here is why I think it's really difficult for guys. I did an experiment with a friend of mine. She is rather average looking. Probably a 6.5 / 7. We made a real profile for her using normal pictures. Nothing too revealing. The day we put her profile up, she got over 50 messages from all types of guys. Some telling her how beautiful she was, others just saying hi, to people giving out their number on the first shot.
A couple points I immediately thought.
1. What an ego boost. She's got 50 suitors all telling her how hot she is. Why would she ever give average joe a shot if she's got 10 better looking guys trying to take her out?
2. Most guys employ the message every decent looking girl strategy and hope for a bite. Guys just have such a huge pool of competition.
3. Guys are really stuck in the "be selected" realm. Most of the girls don't have to do any messaging and sit back and pick and choose. Some get tired of sifting through all the BS messages and end up messaging the guys they find attractive. This is the strategy I started using after minor successes messaging the girls I found attractive. Playing the waiting game is boring.
I just think for average to attractive girls (the ones guys want to date), the playing field online is so far slanted that average looking dudes are going to struggle.
How valuable are the profiles? My experience is that when a man is bragging about how wonderful he is and how important and all his good qualities, 90% of the time he is either lying or he has a very exaggerated sense of his own self worth.
Then there are the trite canned responses that people seem to think are required. Doesn't everyone like "walking on the beach in the moonlight"? If that were true, the beaches should be covered solid with people out there walking on the beach at night, and yet as soon as the sun goes down, most beaches are completely empty except for manybe a bonfire surrounded by heavy drinking teenagers. No one is out there walking in the moonlight.
Everyone thinks they have a good sense of humor, no matter what the true facts are. Everyone will claim to be responsible and smart. No one is going to admit on-line to being dumber than a red brick, or dishonest, or a pedophile.
So, again, the question is: How useful are the profiles?
I don't think it's because most have stupid profiles. Although that is a valid point.
It's hard for even good looking guys. I had some success on POF, but it was WORK. My pic is in my profile and it was actually one I used on POF. Judge for yourself. More work than I am willing to put it, so I got off. Eventually, I just stopped messaging girls and waited for one I found attractive to message me. Most of the messages I got where from extremely fat or ugly women, but I did end up hanging out with some good looking girls.
Here is why I think it's really difficult for guys. I did an experiment with a friend of mine. She is rather average looking. Probably a 6.5 / 7. We made a real profile for her using normal pictures. Nothing too revealing. The day we put her profile up, she got over 50 messages from all types of guys. Some telling her how beautiful she was, others just saying hi, to people giving out their number on the first shot.
A couple points I immediately thought.
1. What an ego boost. She's got 50 suitors all telling her how hot she is. Why would she ever give average joe a shot if she's got 10 better looking guys trying to take her out?
2. Most guys employ the message every decent looking girl strategy and hope for a bite. Guys just have such a huge pool of competition.
3. Guys are really stuck in the "be selected" realm. Most of the girls don't have to do any messaging and sit back and pick and choose. Some get tired of sifting through all the BS messages and end up messaging the guys they find attractive. This is the strategy I started using after minor successes messaging the girls I found attractive. Playing the waiting game is boring.
I just think for average to attractive girls (the ones guys want to date), the playing field online is so far slanted that average looking dudes are going to struggle.
and i'm sure 10% of women are getting 90% of the messages (at the very least). Bottom line; online dating is difficult for everyone who isn't an attractive women.
and like you said, with women getting all of the messages they gain a false sense of their abilities. I'm sure even the ugliest women gets more messages than average joe.
I'm 23 and I decided to create a profile on OKC. Short story short I decided to scout my competition and it was pretty encouraging. I feel like 70% these guys have no clue; staring angrily into the camera, way too much eye contact in general, dumb hats, taking selflies in the mirror, playing the nice guy card, using "lol", playing the "i'm new to online dating" card, being a sissy about writing a summary; "Well I don't normally talk about myself but here it goes"... It's a train wreck.
am I wrong?
Women who have used online dating, has this been your experience? Do most of the guys you receive messages from give off a 'clueless' vibe?
While there are men (and women) like you described, the difficulty of online dating comes from several other factors. It all boils down to entitlement and laziness, more than anything.
While there are men (and women) like you described, the difficulty of online dating comes from several other factors. It all boils down to entitlement and laziness, more than anything.
Yeah, I kind of singled out men, but from what I can tell women are just as bad. I don't want to see your damn cats and I don't want to read a bunch of BS about your lack of promiscuity before I even send you a message.
The thing that chaps my ass about female dating site ads is how many of them think they're photographers.
I was a newspaper photographer for 25 years and unless you're also a pro (and maybe even if you are), you're going to have a hard time impressing me and I don't want to see your vacation pictures unless you're in them. I'd rather see a picture of you right after you've awakened in the morning. I want to see what I might be waking up to.
You're not a photographer. Take off your sunglasses and show me what you really look like, preferably without makeup.
I don't think it's because most have stupid profiles. Although that is a valid point.
It's hard for even good looking guys. I had some success on POF, but it was WORK. My pic is in my profile and it was actually one I used on POF. Judge for yourself. More work than I am willing to put it, so I got off. Eventually, I just stopped messaging girls and waited for one I found attractive to message me. Most of the messages I got where from extremely fat or ugly women, but I did end up hanging out with some good looking girls.
Here is why I think it's really difficult for guys. I did an experiment with a friend of mine. She is rather average looking. Probably a 6.5 / 7. We made a real profile for her using normal pictures. Nothing too revealing. The day we put her profile up, she got over 50 messages from all types of guys. Some telling her how beautiful she was, others just saying hi, to people giving out their number on the first shot.
A couple points I immediately thought.
1. What an ego boost. She's got 50 suitors all telling her how hot she is. Why would she ever give average joe a shot if she's got 10 better looking guys trying to take her out?
2. Most guys employ the message every decent looking girl strategy and hope for a bite. Guys just have such a huge pool of competition.
3. Guys are really stuck in the "be selected" realm. Most of the girls don't have to do any messaging and sit back and pick and choose. Some get tired of sifting through all the BS messages and end up messaging the guys they find attractive. This is the strategy I started using after minor successes messaging the girls I found attractive. Playing the waiting game is boring.
I just think for average to attractive girls (the ones guys want to date), the playing field online is so far slanted that average looking dudes are going to struggle.
I've never done online dating, and probably never would, just for the reason you stated. And from reading what others on here have mentioned in their experiences with online dating. It just seems too much work(and money), for too little results. You have to have the perfect picture, the perfect profile. Then you have to spam out a thousand emails/messages and hope that ONE person responds. You're better off just approaching women in real life that you like.
The OP’s premise is belied by my personal experience. I am neither intelligent nor attractive, but have fared substantially better online than off. If online pretenses can be maintained offline, of what consequence is the lie? Pursue it for a lifetime, and regard yourself as a success. Posterity takes too long to judge.
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