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I knew this going into our marriage. Usually I cope, ignore, casually mention or try to discuss his purchases as diplomatically as possible. *SIGH* But for some reason, today I'm just ticked off.
Seems there's a never ending flow of boxes from the UPS man on our doorstep. I know my husband compulsively shops online. He justifies these things and I just nod, roll my eyes, and go about my business. He says he saves more money than I make. Well, I try to save about 25% of my paycheck, too. My last credit card will be paid off next month.
I stayed home this weekend to work, so I'd have Christmas money, while he's off having fun. I didn't mind till our phone conversation where I could just hear him gearing up for the next spending spree. F**k! I feel like we're hemmoraging money.
It's not that we aren't doing okay, financially, but I've honestly been struggling for several years trying to recoup from losing a really good job as a result of the recession. My past several jobs have paid less than half what I once earned and my current job is as dull as dirt, but I'm sticking with it till something better comes along.
Sometimes he gives me grief about my lower income, that i have no right to complain about his spending habits, though before we met I was earning more than he does now. If I hadn't saved a considerable cushion I'd have been in a bad place by now. He doesn't give me any credit for that.
Yeah, we might need counseling. It would be another thing to spend money on. To him it would be like admitting defeat, that our relationship is on the rocks. I don't think it is. I just want him to practice some restraint and find happiness in something other than online shopping!
Might be an addiction? Although I have not heard of an on-line shopping addiction I do know it happens IRL. I have to admit I can get carried away at times myself. I have this thing with classic cars and trucks. Normally I'll buy one, then re-sell a year or two later for a small profit. And then turn right around and buy another. Drives the Mrs crazy!
The Mrs on the other hand...is very money conscious. She will shop sales, cheaper brands, second hand etc, where I prefer the top name brands in groceries etc so I spend more buying the same types of groceries if it were her doing the shopping.
Might be an addiction? Although I have not heard of an on-line shopping addiction I do know it happens IRL. I have to admit I can get carried away at times myself. I have this thing with classic cars and trucks. Normally I'll buy one, then re-sell a year or two later for a small profit. And then turn right around and buy another. Drives the Mrs crazy!
The Mrs on the other hand...is very money conscious. She will shop sales, cheaper brands, second hand etc, where I prefer the top name brands in groceries etc so I spend more buying the same types of groceries if it were her doing the shopping.
I believe it's part of an addictive pattern, which makes it all the more frustrating. I've had a little experience in that world and have come to the conclusion that for many, treating an addiction is more like shuffling the problem into less harmful behaviors. The problem never goes away.
Maybe you could let him see you watching the Suze Orman show over and over on TV and maybe he'll start to listen to someone else.
I think that's good advice. He'll know that I'm hinting quite loudly, which will probably irritate him. Still, it won't hurt me to watch the program for my own benefit.
If I could only go into detail at the long list of things he's bought. I feel guilty when he buys for me. We do have several expensive necessities we need to plan for and it makes me all the more anxious that we'll be caught short. And my personal economic uncertainty makes me all the more uncomfortable.
Negotiate the categories Up Front so the impulse purchases can go away, but negotiate some of his stuff in. At least then the stuff is contained within an expected range.
Counseling NOW. Don't wait thinking you have to wait for a REAL problem. Get this fixed before massive resentment on both your parts.
I think you're right.
Once I tried to discuss our making a budget...LOL.
I can now add up all of my expenses, pay those bills and put the rest in savings. He puts a lot in savings and has his ducks in a row for his retirement. He thinks that's enough. I'm still stressing out.
This is a difficult situation. To me how the money is being handled between you is definitely a problem, but more troubling is his attitude to you about it.
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